Dear Maura
by Honorcpt
Summary: Set immediately after 2x15..had this written for a while and with the premiere looming…I figured what the heck….Enjoy! EPILOGUE is Up! Winner Rizzles Fan Award -Best Angst/Drama & Best Post Season 2 Fic! Thanks to all who voted
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I've had this written since about a week after the season finale and just haven't had the nerve to post it. Dunno why really but I figure with the premiere looming in a few hours….why not? I'd love to know what you think…your humble bard. Honorcpt**

The steady sounds of the room would be soothing under other circumstances but the hiss of the respirator served as a constant reminder to Maura that Jane may never come back to her. Opening up her journal she continued to detail the events that had led her here.

The anger she felt toward Jane was gone. It had been from the moment she had arrived at the hospital with her father, but Jane didn't know that. Her father had woken long enough to tell her that Jane had to do her job before falling unconscious again. She stayed by his side until he went into surgery and then, had checked in with her mother, letting her know what had happened. She could hear Jane's voice in the hallway, asking to speak to her, begging to explain. And Korsak turning her away. She had been angry at the betrayal, Agent Dean's appearance had only amplified the jealousy she felt and her anger had fed on it. But Jane shot her father and that was all she could think of when Jane had rushed to help Paddy, help her. She, Maura, had screamed at her and knew from the look in her eyes that she had hurt her but Maura hadnt cared. Refused to care.

Paddy had survived the surgery but as a paraplegic. The damage to his spine irreparable. Dean had survived and been sanctioned by the FBI for going against orders.

Jane…

As she watched the machines do their work Maura wondered if she would ever have the chance to tell Jane how she felt. Looking down at Jane's partially shaven head, the bandages contrasted against her skin, hiding the surgical evidence of the removal of the bullet that was meant to take her life.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Two days ago…JANE_

Two weeks had passed since Paddy Doyle had survived what would have killed most men. Two weeks for the FBI to investigate and sanction one of their own. Two weeks for Jane to spiral into a routine that no one was really aware of or cared about. She hit the Robber every night now and when they turned her away, she drank at home. She had been placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of the shooting investigation but it was a clean shooting. She knew it, they all did, except Maura. Jane had tried everything, but Maura ignored her. She wouldn't return her calls or answer the door when she showed up drunk the third night after the shooting begging for forgiveness, understanding.

The morning she was due back at work Jane woke up and looked around her living room, it looked worse than it did after she had shot herself. Pulling her hair up in a ponytail she stood in front of the heavy bag the guys had given her back then and just stared at it. She looked to her right and imagined Maura standing next to her tentatively punching the bag with her. Smiling she touched the bag where Maura always struck it and sighed. She had lost her best friend and a piece of her soul. Angry with herself she punched the bag and headed in to shower before work. She knew she needed to snap herself out of this funk before she did something stupid.

Refreshed and feeling better than she had in days, she texted Maura and asked her to please meet her in a half hour at the corner deli by the precinct, one last time.

She waited with keys in hand until she got a reply. "Fine, 5 minutes."

"That's all I need!" Grabbing the letter she had written to Maura the day she shot Paddy, she put it into her jacket pocket. It was without a doubt one of the stupidest things she would probably ever do but screw it, she had nothing left to lose.

Racing out, she didn't see the dark SUV that pulled out behind her.

Maura sat impatiently wondering what she was doing there waiting for Jane. She had promised herself she wouldn't answer her but she was willing to give her five minutes and then she was ready to say goodbye. The betrayal from her had cut so deep that it had hurt more than her father being shot or her mother being injured. Maura knew her feelings for Jane had grown since she had shot herself but she had kept it to herself thinking one day she would be able to tell Jane how she felt. Gabriel Dean had ruined that. It was because of him that Jane had betrayed her. Because of him she was now willing to say goodbye. She refused to have her heart hurt worse than it already was.

The sound of the car door slamming made her look up and she couldn't help the smile that crossed her face at the sight of the lanky detective. "No" pasting a stern look on her face, she resolved herself to ending this friendship once and for all.

"Mau…" the rest of Maura's name was eclipsed by the sound of gunshots and even as Jane crumpled in front of her she kept her eyes on Maura.

The SUV roared away leaving a screaming Maura in its wake.

"Call an ambulance!" Dropping down beside her she looked to see where Jane was hit. The wound in her shoulder was bleeding freely and she brushed aside the envelope that had fallen out of Jane's hand. It was the wound to the side of her head that Maura cried over. There was no exit wound that meant the bullet was still there and God only knew what damage it had done. Maura checked for her pulse and found it but realized Jane had stopped breathing.

Quickly laying her on her back she started mouth to mouth, she could taste the salt from her tears as she tried to keep the woman she knew without a doubt she loved, alive.

She barely heard the ambulance in the distance as she heard Frost's voice in the background yelling for Korsak.

Dammit it's Jane!"

Dropping down next to them both he tried to take over for Maura, but was roughly shrugged off

"No! Stay away from her!" She was out of breath and light headed but she couldn't stop, she just couldn't.

"Ma'am…ma'am, please" She never heard the EMT approach and as Frost pulled her away from Jane, she broke down.

"I can't lose her Barry, I can't…she thinks I hate her." Frost took the sobbing woman in his arms and looked up as Korsak approached shaking his head. He was telling the older man it didn't look good and Korsak walked grabbing the closest officer.

"Get names and numbers, witnesses, we need it now!" Letting him go he looked over toward Frost and Maura, "dammit Janie…" Seeing an envelope by Maura's leg he picked it up and saw the blood staining the front where Jane's scrawl could be seen. It was addressed to Maura, "shit."

"Come on Doc, I'll take you to the hospital," Frost helped her up and winced as she squeezed his forearms.

"She thinks I hate her." Maura's voice was hoarse with tears.

Helping her into the passenger side, she was surprised when Korsak stopped the door from closing.

"Uhm…I think this is for you Doc." Handing over the envelope he made eye contact with Frost and nodded. "Go"

Maura looked at the envelope and seeing Jane's handwriting, held it tightly against her chest.

"Barry what have I done?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura closed her journal as Korsak walked into Jane's room.

"Well?"

Sighing he looked at his old partner and shut his eyes tightly. It killed him to see her like this but Maura refused to leave her side.

"Doyle confirmed it, it was his men and he's put a stop to it. Says he didn't know." He sat down heavily looking older than she had ever seen him.

"Thank you…I knew, somehow but I needed to be sure…there's so much…"

"Don't doc, please, she'll be okay, It's Janie, she has to be, you know?" Maura heard the emotion in his voice and knew how he felt.

He looked at her journal and saw Jane's letter sticking out.

"Hey Doc?"

"Yes Vince?" Her calm voice soothed him. She seemed more at peace than she had in a long time.

"What did she say in the letter?" He shifted uncomfortably on the balls of his feet, "I know I shouldn't ask but…"

"She said she loves me…"

**So, there it is…if you want me to continue, you have to let me know. This is not meant to be a long story, just a couple of chapters but only if you all want it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Uhm…wow…I am absolutely humbled by the overwhelming response to this story, 40 reviews since I posted, I don't know what to say except thank you for the kind words and encouragement. I'm glad it touched you as it has me and I can only hope to do it justice. I will absolutely continue this story. As I've said, it won't be long but it will hopefully be worth it.**

Two days had passed since the shooting and Maura had not left Jane's side for any of those two days, chronicling what had happened between them, it helped her to write their story down. The circumstances they had met over were comical at best.

Smiling, she looked at Jane's peaceful countenance and remembered the sass and attitude of their first meeting when a hooker/undercover officer named Jane Rizzoli had first met Maura Isles. Oh what a meeting that was. Maura had been so concerned about the poor working woman who couldn't pay for her coffee with Stanley that she had offered her some money, only to be turned down, rather rudely by Jane. With no ID how was Maura to know she was a cop? Even then Jane had expected some clairvoyance from her.

Sighing deeply she looked out the window, it was a beautiful day. The kind of day they would normally have gone for a run or just sat at a park bench watching Joe Friday run around, but not today.

Looking down at her journal she opened it up and touched the pages, their life was here. How they met, how they had become colleagues and then friends, how their friendship had flourished beyond any friendship either of them had ever had. They were opposites in every sense and yet they complimented each other, Yin and Yang, endless.

Maura had come to suspect her feelings for Jane after the murder outside Merch. Watching her meet all those women had given rise to feelings she had been unsure of, and she had dismissed them as part of being caught in the moment. The flair of jealousy when Jane had brought her own neck to be swabbed for DNA, had made her angry, not at Jane, but at herself, for feeling anything but friendship. She didn't want to scare Jane away and she knew Jane wasn't into women. It was the shooting at the precinct that had solidified what she felt for Jane. She knew in the instant that Jane pulled the trigger that she couldn't live without her. She loved her; Maura Isles loved her best friend Jane Rizzoli, and never said a word. True their playful banter with each other became more frequent but Maura knew she couldn't act on it. Her one same-sex sexual encounter in Europe had been an eye opening experience and she knew that being with Jane, loving her in every way would be even more so. But she stayed silent, waiting.

Wiping away a tear that had escaped, she pulled out Jane's letter again. She had told Korsak that Jane said she loved her but it was so much more than that, so much. Pulling the letter out of the blood stained envelope she kissed it gently before reading it again. Jane who usually put her foot in her mouth when they talked was positively eloquent in her letter.

_Dear Maura_

_I don't know what to say to you right now, the look on your face when you yelled at me broke my heart. I actually felt it break as I realized the pain my actions had caused you. I never ever thought I would be the cause of pain for you. Laughter, frustration, joy, love, those are the things I want to be the cause of, never pain or anger or sorrow._

_Laughter because of the dumb stuff I do that makes you laugh at me all the time. Your eyes laugh even when you don't laugh out loud. I love that, that twinkle you get as you try to keep a straight face but inside you're laughing. I know you, I see you and I know who you are._

_Frustration when I act like I don't know what you're talking about when you start reciting the google or encyclopedic definition of something we're talking about, when I really do. Remember, Tommy's not the only Rizzoli with a beautiful mind. I just like to hear you talk, anytime, about anything. It's like music to me Maura. I hear your voice and I'm home._

_Joy when I know you've been working late and your face lights up when I bring you your favorite latte. The joy in your face when I agreed to do that marathon with you, and yoga, and pilates and the mudbath at the spa. You may not have figured it out yet, but I would do anything for you, anything at all to bring you joy._

_Love. We've never really discussed love have we Maura? We've said we love being best friends or LLBFFs if you will, since you came up with that, but love….gah!_

_I can't believe I'm writing this but wow, the L word (no pun intended) I know old joke still, I can't say it any more simply than this, so here goes._

_I love you Maura Isles, with all that I am and ever will be. I love you._

_There I said it, whew…_

_Confession time. I've had strong feelings for you for some time, but I was scared and unsure. Yes big bad Detective Rizzoli was scared of what she might be feeling for another woman. I wasn't sure what it was for sure that I felt blossoming, so I put those feelings aside somewhat. It all came to bear though when Doyle kidnapped you. God I was frantic Maura, thinking I might never see you or hear you again. When he called I would have given anything to get you back, I would have lain down my life for you Maura with no regret except for one. Never telling you how I felt about you. Never telling you that I had fallen in love with you._

_After the shooting at the precinct, things changed between us. I know I scared a lot of people, hell to be honest I scared the hell out of myself, but all I could think about were you and Frankie that day. When I took that shot Maura, it was you I was thinking about, you I regretted leaving, you who would be alone. But I had to and I've never told you how sorry I was for putting you through all that. I know you were the first one there Maura I heard you, and if I had died then, I would've died happy knowing yours was the last voice I heard. We've been closer since then and still I couldn't bring myself to tell you how I felt. I chickened out on so many occasions Maura I figured there would always be time. I've teased you…you've teased back but I never knew if you felt what I felt. I hoped you did and I hoped to one day tell you the truth. In my mind I had it all planned out. We would be at your place after a difficult case and somehow, I would find a way to touch you, to make you look me in the eyes. You would smile because its what you do when I look at you and I would finally have the courage to say three little words._

_Instead, what have I done? I've made you hate me, the look in your eyes that day told me so much, the sound of your voice as you screamed at me. All of the things I never wanted to cause you, I did, with one act. I'm sorry Maura, so sorry that I caused you pain. I would take that on myself to spare you that. I betrayed your trust by telling someone I thought would keep mine. I know that and I can't tell you how sorry I am Maura. _

_When I started writing this letter I was just going to say that I was sorry and that I loved you but somewhere it took on a life of its own. I needed to talk to you without putting my foot in it. You just…God you make me so crazy sometimes that I say the wrong thing and immediately know I did, but the damage is done. Writing this way, I can put what I feel on paper and hopefully for once express myself the way you deserve. I hope one day you let me give you this letter. I hope one day we can at least be friends again. I won't love again Maura because loving you and losing you hurt too much this time around and I wasn't even able to voice it. I should probably take that part out but right now I'm just letting the words flow from my broken heart._

_Only you can mend it Maura. Only you can make it beat again. Only you can make it whole again. I'll be sorry about the pain I caused you till the day I die Maura I just hope that one day you let me tell you that I love you. Because guess what?_

_I do so very much, love you._

_Yours forever,_

_Jane_

Maura wiped the tears slowly streaming down her face as she reread the letter for what was probably the thirtieth time. She could almost hear Jane's voice reciting the letter in her head. Closing her eyes she sighed deeply and opened them again as the sounds and the reality of where she was broke through her calm. Putting the letter back in its envelope, she put it inside her journal and laid it down as she stood up. Looking at the time she knew Angela would be in soon and she wanted her moment with Jane again. Several times a day she would talk directly to Jane. Her own letter as it were, hoping, praying that Jane would hear her.

The doctors had said it was a miracle she was even alive given the location of the bullet and that she had stopped breathing at the scene. But the bullet had in fact been removed successfully once they realized that it hadn't penetrated her brain, but the resulting trauma and swelling had them concerned. Putting her in a medically induced coma was supposed to help since it slowed brain activity, but Maura knew Jane could hear her. There were documented instances of coma patients hearing their loved ones. The next twenty-four hours she knew would be the most critical.

Slowly as she had for the past two days, Maura spoke to her, telling her she had read the letter, telling her how sorry she was that she let pride get in the way of forgiveness. She told Jane how she had forgiven the act as soon as she saw the wounded look on her face but she couldn't face her. She was hurt, betrayed and she loved her as well, but she couldn't go through something like that again, so she chose to end their friendship, cut her off. Maura told her how she would replay the messages Jane left just to hear her voice and how she knew Jane was drinking heavily but her pride, her stupid wounded pride wouldn't let her bend until that morning two days ago. Against her better judgment she agreed to meet her. Her mind had told her no, but her heart had insisted on yes. So she went.

Maura cried as she remembered that moment. The sound of the gunshots echoed in her ears even now and she stopped and leaned close to Jane to whisper, "I love you too."

**Okay? Let me know...**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: God how I wish these characters belonged to me…but they don't…right now though they belong to you…**

Maura held Angela's hand tightly as the doctor spoke to them. The seizure that Jane had suffered in the middle of the night had frightened them both. The swelling had caused pressure that had arrested her breathing again and she had seized. Normally unflappable, Maura called the only other person she knew whose shoulder she could cry on and who absolutely needed to be notified, Angela.

"So Doctor Barnes, is my baby going to be…okay?" Angela turned her eyes on Maura and back to the doctor, the jargon he had spewed at them had left her a bit unsure.

"Angela, she survived the critical point in her recovery…" Maura's breath hitched in her chest as she tried to maintain a calm façade explaining to Jane's mother the seriousness of what she now faced, "It's up to Jane now, they are going to reduce the medication that is keeping her asleep, but the seizure…" Maura swallowed back her tears as she took a deep breath, "she may not be the Jane we know when she wakes."

Angela's eyes opened wider as she looked from the doctor to the woman who loved her daughter. "No, no, this is Janie we're talking about, of course she's going to be alright." Grabbing Maura's hand more tightly, "She is Maura, isn't she?"

"I don't know Angela," Maura could only whisper the words as she nodded to the doctor who quietly took his leave. He knew as well as she how much the odds were against Jane.

Angela pulled her into a hug and held on tightly as she felt Maura try to pull back from the physical contact.

"She'll be okay Maura, she just has to be…she needs to know that you love her…"

Turning wide eyes on her Maura stuttered, "I…no…I mean…"

Holding her at arm's length, "It's okay, you don't have to confirm it for me…a mother knows…just like I know that Jane was lost without you after the incident at the warehouse." Angela's quiet statement though not intentional cut straight to Maura's heart.

She opened her mouth to speak but was struck dumb by the love and understanding in the older woman's eyes. How could she have been so blind? Blinking back the tears that suddenly threatened to spill over she smiled tremulously at her.

"I'm so sorry I hurt her…" sobs wracked her small frame as Angela pulled her back into her arms. Maura willingly allowed Jane's mother to comfort her. It made her feel closer to Jane.

"Hush…hush now…" Angela stood up and pulled Maura up with her. "Come on, lets get you back inside."

"Don't you want to sit with her for awhile?" Maura felt terrible for imposing and for being in the way when Angela should be with her daughter.

"I'll be right back honey, I think…I'm just going to go light a candle in the chapel." With a final squeeze Angela released Maura's hand. Maura watched Angela walk away and could see by the movement of her shoulders that she was crying.

Maura felt torn between wanting to offer Angela the same comfort she had been given and going in to see Jane. Jane won.

Pushing open the door, Maura winced as she looked at her. Jane's face was bruised and discolored from the cranial pressure and even though she was on a ventilator, she could barely detect any movement indicating she was alive. Only the constant beeping reminded her that Jane was in fact still with her, even if only in this way. She hadn't told Angela about the side effects of a seizure like that. It didn't bear thinking on that Jane wouldn't be who she was.

Taking a seat next to her Maura took Jane's hand and rubbed the scar on it with her thumb. The thought of Jane being anyone other than who she had been, made her ill. Jane had already survived so much, all Maura wanted was a chance with her, a chance to set things right again. Touching the side of her head gently, Maura leaned in and kissed her gently on the temple. In her head, she could hear Jane's voice reading the letter as she wrote it. Smiling she sat back knowing that was exactly how Jane had likely written it. She tended to speak aloud when she wrote and words like those…Maura longed to actually hear them from her, not just imagine it.

Jane's hand clenched involuntarily and grabbed at Maura's. This had happened a number of times in the past three days and no longer surprised her but it was a good sign given the seizure.

"Jane if you only knew how much you're loved…" Letting go of her hand, she picked up her journal and opened it to a clean page. She was documenting not only their past, but also their present because knowing Jane, she was going to want to know about every detail and Maura wanted to indulge her as much as she could. At least she hoped she would be able to indulge her, she owed her that. The doctor had expressed the very real possibility of Jane not waking at all, but Maura knew that she would, this was Jane.

Her worry and fear wasn't whether Jane would wake but when _and_ would she still feel the way she did when she wrote the letter to her.

Maura re-read letter and smiled. She never heard Angela come in. She jumped when she heard Angela gasp at the sight of the envelope, stained brown now with Jane's blood.

"Oh Angela…" grabbing the older woman she sat her down and put the letter away along with its envelope. "I'm sorry."

"No…its okay…I just…that's Janie's blood on there and I guess it just surprised me." Angela looked up at Maura, "Is that the letter?" Nodding Maura smiled.

"She writes beautifully doesn't she?" Angela patted the other seat inviting Maura to sit next to her. "Even as a little girl she would be all piss and vinegar when she spoke to me but when she would make me a birthday card or a mother's day card the words that she wrote…" Angela shook her head fondly, "I always wondered why she couldn't just say what she truly meant, what she felt."

"I never knew that" Maura said, "Has she written other things?"

"As a little girl she would write poems in her diary. She never knew I read them of course or she would have stopped."

Maura marveled at the woman she loved, this was a part of her she never knew.

"You can't ever tell her I told you Maura. She would never forgive me." Angela looked at Jane before fixing her gaze on Maura, "promise me."

"Of course, I won't say anything, but why hide it? She's so much more than what she shows everyone."

"And that's how she likes it." She said patting her knee. It was Angela's turn to jump when the EEG alarm sounded. "What is that?"

Rushing over Maura looked at the machine and at Jane. "A spike in brain activity." Watching it level out Maura sighed. This was the first step toward Jane's waking; more brain activity now that the medication had been reduced and she felt a shiver of…fear.

"What's wrong?" Not realizing Angela was by her side, Maura stiffened.

"Nothing, nothing's wrong…" Maura looked longingly at Jane before looking into the equally dark eyes of her mother.

"Maura…what is it?" Angela watched her bite her lip as she looked at Jane. "Is she okay?"

"Hmm…yes, well she's not okay, she's not awake yet, but yes…oh…I'm rambling aren't I"

Angela took her by the hand again and sat her down. "Well…"

"What if…what if she doesn't remember?" Maura voiced her fear aloud for the first time. "I mean what if she doesn't remember me, or you or herself, or writing the letter, or how she felt or…" Maura could feel herself panicking even as she spoke and the calmness that she had felt throughout this ordeal was gone.

"Maura honey slow down. Breathe…" Angela watched with concern, as Maura's face grew flushed as she spoke. "This is Jane we're talking about…she loves you…she won't forget, she doesn't forget."

Seeing the tears well up in her eyes, Angela wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "Oh honey its okay…"

"No, you're right, she doesn't forget…" Maura wiped at her eyes angrily. She was angry with herself for being this emotional but she was scared. "What if she wakes and the first thing she thinks is that I hate her?"

The alarm sounded again as there was another spike in activity, this time it leveled out a bit higher, which was a good sign.

Looking back at each other Angela tried to reassure her, "Maura you agreed to meet with her, on some level she knows you don't hate her, she knows." Standing up she kissed the top of her head. "Sit with her, talk to her, I'm going to go call Frankie and give him an update."

Maura nodded and sat quietly by Jane's bedside. Taking her hand again she stroked the scar tissue on the back of her hand.

"I don't hate you Jane, I could never hate you. I just want the chance to tell you…I want you back…I need you back…I can't breathe without you…" Maura squeezed Jane's hand and tried to pull away, gasping when she couldn't, realizing that Jane held her hand firmly in her own. Another spike in brain activity made her look down at the hand that held hers. It wasn't just reflex.

Leaning in she squeezed back hoping that Jane could she feel her touch, that somehow Jane knew that it was Maura. Whispering in her ear, she repeated what she had said.

…I can't breathe without you…"

**Thank you for the reviews and feedback…I'm humbled by the response to Jane's letter, truly. **

**As always, I welcome your comments…your humble bard, Honorcpt**

**Review if you like…**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Maura held her breath as her whispered words resulted in another spike in brain activity.

"You can hear me..." she couldn't believe that her words were actually eliciting a response from Jane but the evidence was there. Maura looked at her hoping to see chocolate brown eyes looking back at her, but there was nothing, no other sign that she was waking.

"Jane," Maura whispered in her ear, "its me, Maura..." she waited for a response, any response. Blinking back tears when there was none she tried to pull her hand away but Jane's grip on her hand remained. Frustrated she looked at the door, "I love you Jane Rizzoli, and I need you to come back to me, I need to tell you what you mean to me."

The steady beeping of the EEG beat her down. She had hoped, even silently prayed, but as she felt Jane's grip slacken she knew she would get no response. The tears fell freely and she hoped desperately that Angela wouldn't come in right now. Running her hand along Jane's arm, she thought about all the missed moments with her. All of the opportunities that she had to tell Jane how she felt, and hadn't. She cursed herself for being such a fool, like everyone else Maura always assumed there would be time to say the things she needed to say and now…

Angela came in quietly and saw that Maura had fallen asleep with her head by Jane's hand. She knew how exhausted she had to be; she hadn't left Jane's side since the shooting. She was glad and amazed at the devotion that Maura was showing to her daughter. Her daughter, Jane, Angela stopped herself as she looked at her. Rarely had she ever seen Jane so still. She was off the ventilator but what if…Her Jane was full of energy, always; she had to be forced to be still as a child and even as an adult, until now. Her stillness scared her. The seizure she had suffered scared her. What if she didn't wake? Angela didn't know how she would survive. A parent should never survive their children, it was how she was brought up and she couldn't shake the fear that filled her when she thought that she might in fact outlive her only daughter.

Stifling a sob she glanced at Maura hoping the noise she made hadn't woken her. The devotion that Maura was showing Jane eased her mind as Angela thought about how Jane had been since the shooting, just a shell of herself. Her spark, her essence had been snuffed by Maura's words to her that day. Both women were so stubborn, so determined not to give in, that it had resulted in this.

Angela shook her head angrily. She didn't want to think that way, this was no ones fault. She just knew how bad off Jane had been these past two weeks and she almost wanted to blame Maura, almost. Seeing her lying there next to her daughter, all she could do was be grateful. She looked over at the journal and could see Jane's letter peeking out.

She wanted to read it. Angela knew Jane would never forgive her but she wanted to know what Jane had said that had affected Maura so much. She knew from experience how powerful Jane's writing could be so this must truly be something.

Seeing Maura stir she realized it was best that she not, though Janie was going to owe her big for all the worry she's caused everyone. Angela watched as Maura twitched in her sleep. Watching the changing expressions on her face, she could see that Maura was dreaming. Wondering if she should wake her, she chose instead to settle down next to her. Rubbing her back soothingly, she did for Maura what she did for all of her kids; let them know she was there with them and that they weren't alone in their dreams.

"Jane!" Maura yelled in her sleep and started to cry…Angela shook her gently, trying to get her to wake up and realize it had just been a bad dream.

"Shh…come on honey…Maura…wake up hon…" Maura sat up confusion on her face.

"Angela?" Looking at where her head had been resting she looked into Jane's face and sat up even straighter.

"What?" The way Maura stiffened had startled her.

"She's dreaming Angela…" she whispered, "look" both women looked at Jane and could see the signs. Jane's eyes were moving quickly under her eyelids and the beeping of the EEG noted the difference in brain activity.

"What does that mean? Does that mean she's waking up?" Maura heard the anxiety in her voice.

Maura considered her words carefully, not wanting to give the older woman false hope but needing some for herself. "What it means is that her brain _is _active. Its just a matter of time before she wakes."

"So, soon?"

"I hope so Angela, I truly do." Her voice was wistful as she considered the woman she loved. Maura never felt Angela lean into her.

"She's going to come back to you Maura, I know she is, to all of us." Kissing her on the cheek she got up and kissed her daughter gently on the forehead. "I'll be back later, I promised Tommy I would pick him up after work so he could come by and see Janie."

Walking over to the window, Maura wrapped her arms around herself. She felt so alone. Knowing now how Jane feels all she wanted was to hear her voice. Turning back she watched as the EEG showed even more activity, glancing at Jane she could see that she was dreaming again.

"Jane, please, I just need to know, I need to know that you remember what you wrote to me, that you still love me that way, that…that you haven't forgotten me…" She squeezed Jane's hand and smiled when she felt pressure on her own.

"Jane?"

Maura's voice called to her, the darkness was so welcoming, so warm, she didn't want to leave, and she felt safe here. She couldn't understand the words though, Maura was mad at her, she hated Jane, what Maura was saying didn't make sense. Her voice sounded so sad. Jane hated hearing her that way; she never wanted to hear Maura sound like that, like she had lost her best friend. Jane tried to move her hand but nothing happened. She was able to respond to the pressure she felt though and moved her hand in response. What the hell was wrong with her? And why the hell was Maura crying?

"I know I betrayed our friendship Jane, but you have to know that I'm in love with you too. Your letter meant so much…I just wish…" Her breath caught in her throat as she realized the tears had started flowing again.

"Shh…"

Maura looked up and turned around, trying to figure out where the sound had come from. Wiping her eyes she turned to look at Jane and gasped aloud as the chocolate brown eyes she thought she'd never see again gazed at her.

Bottom lip quivering, she was scared to say anything and just stared disbelieving.

"J…Jane?"

"cry…crying…" Jane struggled to get the words out and had to close her eyes from the effort.

"Wait…Jane, please open you eyes again, please honey."

Opening her eyes again Jane struggled to string a sentence together.

"Why…" blinking rapidly Jane tried to follow up with something else and couldn't. Tears formed at the corner of her eyes as she realized something was terribly wrong. "What…what happen?"

Maura looked at Jane's vitals and realized her blood pressure was elevated. She was anxious and there was obviously a problem with her cognitive ability. Cursing the gunman silently she pressed the call button. The doctor wanted to know the moment Jane woke so she could be assessed, but she wanted a moment with her, just a moment.

Maura leaned in still holding her hand and stroked her forehead lovingly. "You were shot Jane." Seeing her eyes go wide Maura knew she had to suspect where she had been shot.

"Head…Maura…hurts…" Jane tried to move her other hand she winced, "arm…"

Maura watched as Jane struggled to put the pieces together hoping, hoping against hope that she didn't remember how Maura had treated her.

"Jane look at me…do you remember…" fear flared within her, she was scared, but she had to know, "do you remember what happened?"

"I…" Jane struggled to remember, she remembered shooting Paddy Doyle and Maura hating her… "you hate…" the pain in Jane's voice tore a hole in Maura's heart. "Hate me…" agitated Jane tried to pull her hand away from Maura's and couldn't. "Hate me…" tears rolled down her face as she remembered the pain of losing Maura.

Desperate Maura grasped her hand tightly, "No Jane, no…"

Jane tried to pull her hand away from her, but didn't have the strength, "hate me…" her breathing was getting irregular as she felt the pain of Maura's abandonment all over again.

The nurse came in and frowned at Maura at the sight of her patient in an agitated state. "Ma'am I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"No…dammit…Jane…Jane look at me!" Ignoring the tears flowing freely down her face she continued. "I don't hate you Jane….I love you…look at me please…I read the letter Jane…I love you too…"

Jane tried to understand what Maura was telling her but it was too much…it couldn't be true…closing her eyes she accepted what she knew, Maura hated her…that she knew…

"Ma'am I need you to leave!" The nurse tried to adjust Jane's medication as her heart rate fluctuated, the doctor was on his way.

"Goddamit I love you Jane Rizzoli and I need you in my life, I need you to hear me!"

Jane opened her eyes a wide as she could, feeling the medication the nurse had given her begin to take effect. "Cursed…you don't…curse…do love me..." with the slightest smile she closed her eyes again leaving a speechless Maura in her wake.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you all for your support of this story. It is a bit different for me and I'm glad you all are enjoying it. **

"She woke up?" Angela had rushed back after getting Maura's text message.

Maura nodded, her tear streaked face hiding none of her joy or pain at Jane's awakening. Tommy took in her body posture and approached her tentatively.

"Maura?"

With quiet sobs she let herself be held by him, so like, yet so unlike his sister. She could hear Jane's voice saying "_Tommy's not the only Rizzoli with a beautiful mind_"

"What happened, is she….will she…" Angela couldn't get out what she wanted to say. Maura pulled her into a hug realizing the last time she had seen her like this had been at the awards ceremony for Jane when she tried to tell them all about the divorce.

Holding her tightly Maura's mind raced through what had happened when Jane woke up. She had felt broken inside when all Jane could remember was that she hated her. She had never hated Jane, she had just been so angry that she let her pride get in the way of her heart and hadn't seen just how much she had hurt Jane. Jane truly thought she hated her. With a deep sigh she shook her head and held Angela at arm's length.

"She spoke, broken sentences, but it was Jane, Angela…it was…" Angela looked at her and realized Maura was trying to convince herself of that.

"Maura what did she say?"

"She thinks I hate her Angela…I don't, I can't…I love her I could never hate her…I was just so angry…I didn't think how my words, my actions could hurt her so much." Remembering the hurt in Jane's eyes, "What have I done?" she cried. Pushing Angela away from her she took off at a run down the hallway.

"Tommy…"

"Way ahead of you Ma." Tommy took off behind her hoping he even had the right words to make her feel better. He wasn't equipped for this but if not for Janie he would've made a more concerted play Maura, as it was, this was the woman his sister loved and who loved her back. He would damn well learn what to say, as he needed to.

"Maura! Maura wait!" she hadn't waited for the elevator and was already in the stairwell. "Dammit!"

Pushing open the door he looked down and saw her at least a flight ahead of him. Running down two stairs at a time he had almost caught up to her when he missed a step. "Shit!" Tommy felt his ankle roll and correct itself before slamming into the landing wall.

Maura stopped and turned when she heard him curse. Instinctively turning around she went to his aid.

"Are you alright?" her lack of breathlessness wasn't lost on him as he huffed and puffed an answer.

"My ankle, shit! Friggin hurts!" Listening to the foul language he continued to spew, Maura smiled, realizing how much he sounded like Jane, who she had just run away from. Shaking her head she helped him steady himself. She was angry, at herself. Here she was running away, compounding one mistake with another. For a smart woman she was acting like an idiot. Jane had heard her curse and she had heard Jane's last words to her. Somehow she _had_ gotten through to her. It didn't disavow Jane's feelings but it did confirm for Maura that there was hope, a hope she had been ready to throw away by running away. With his arm draped over her shoulder Maura kissed Tommy on the cheek.

"What was that for, busting my ass running after you?"

"Yes." She said quietly.

**xxxxxxxxx**

Angela sat by Jane's bedside reading to her. She had received a text from Maura fifteen minutes ago letting her know she had taken Tommy to the emergency room. She hadn't even bothered to ask why. Jane was enough to worry about much less whatever foolish thing Tommy had done chasing after Maura.

She leaned down to whisper in her ear, "Jane…Janie…open your eyes baby…I want to see you, talk to you…I need you to get mad at me…" Angela sat up when the EEG alert sounded again and she looked back at Jane. She was dreaming, again. This time though, Angela could tell, it wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare. Angela tried running her hand along Jane's forehead to soothe her but she flinched, causing herself pain. Hearing her daughter moan in her sleep she tried again to wake her.

"Janie honey, wake up, Momma's here…" Angela saw the spike in the monitor and heard the alarm sound on the EEG again and pulled back. She jumped when the nurse burst through the door.

"What is going on here? Do I need to ask you to leave Mrs. Rizzoli?" The nurse came around the bed and frowned when she saw the sheen of sweat on Jane's brow. The doctor had gotten caught up in surgery and hadn't been in yet but the attending had. Everything had checked out but right now the sweat concerned her. She might be fighting an infection. She left Angela standing there and pushed past Maura on the way to the nurse's station. She wanted them to draw some blood to make sure but had to confirm with the attending.

"Is everything alright?" Maura entered hesitantly, knowing she had given up any right to be there when she ran out.

"Hmm…oh Maura…she was having a nightmare and…"

"No!" Jane's guttural exclamation scared them both. Eyes still shut Maura could tell Jane was in the throes of a nightmare, a bad one if it had caused her to yell in her sleep.

"Stay away…Hoyt No!" Jane's eyes opened wide, filled with panic. "Maura…he…he killed…"

"Jane…Jane look at me, he didn't. It was a dream, look at me honey." Maura placed her hands on either side of Jane's face forcing her, willing Jane to focus on her as Jane's panic was elevating her blood pressure to dangerous levels.

"M…Maura?" Jane's voice was huskier than normal and she was sweating profusely now as her nightmare faded and she focused her gaze on the woman in her dream. "You're alive…"

"Yes Jane, I'm alive and I'm here. You saved me from Hoyt, do you remember?" Jane narrowed her eyes and nodded. She remembered just snippets, what was in her dream. There was more though, her head hurt. Looking around she saw her mother.

"Ma…" she croaked. Maura quickly poured a cup of water and ice and held it to her lips.

Drinking greedily and sucking on the ice, Jane smiled her thanks before relaxing and closing her eyes, exhaustion taking her over.

"Jane…Jane, please not yet." Maura ran the back of her hand along Jane's cheek. "How do you feel?"

"Hurts…head…" grunting in frustration Jane had to concentrate to say what she wanted. She felt disconnected and the more she tried the more it hurt.

"Honey what do you remember?" Maura's voice was tender, almost a caress. Jane could feel it wash over her as she listened to her voice, but with it came hurt, pain and loss.

"You…hate…no love…" closing her eyes tightly she didn't notice the tears flowing from them as she spoke. She couldn't get out what she wanted, frustrated she opened her eyes again to try and get the words out but Maura's lips silenced her. Eyes wide she felt their softness and the love behind them.

Licking her lips as she pulled away from her Maura hoped she hadn't made a mistake.

"Yes love Jane, I love you and I'm so sorry I hurt you."

Confused Jane looked toward her mother who was absolutely no help. With a smug look on her face she only smiled at her daughter as Maura finally confessed her feelings.

Closing her eyes to the wave of pain she opened them to see concerned eyes looking down at her.

"Jane?" Maura's concern increased when she felt Jane's body tense, she could tell she was in pain but the sweating was continuing and she believed like the nurse that she might have an infection. A setback Jane could certainly do without.

"Sick…" with that Maura quickly rolled her to her side as she threw up. Angela ran to get the nurse who came in followed by the attending physician. Maura helped clean Jane up and looked at the doctor as the nurse gave Jane something for the nausea.

"What's wrong with her?" Angela demanded to know, as if being shot wasn't enough now her Jane was sick.

"We're going to draw some blood. It can be a number of things, the combination of medicines, a reaction to one of the medicines or an infection." The doctor was young and decidedly uncomfortable facing the Chief Medical Examiner.

"Okay…I'm okay…" Jane reached out for Maura's hand and squeezed it just as she had when she had done so involuntarily. Surprised, Maura looked down at the hand holding hers and squeezed it back reassuringly.

"You will be Jane." Maura leaned in close to the young doctor, "I want you to call her doctor and advise him of this development, now." Her quiet but strong voice scared him and he straightened up before leaving the room.

Watching as the nurse drew Jane's blood; Maura bit her lip, unconsciously squeezing Jane's hand tighter.

"Ow Maur…"

"I'm sorry Jane…I'm so sorry for all of this…" Maura's tears surprised her.

"Shh…no cry…" Maura brought a hand up to cover her mouth as she heard Jane repeat what she had said to her when she first woke.

"Maura, what is it?" Angela's concern was all over her face.

"They think she has an infection Angela."

"But they said it could be…"

Maura interrupted, "the way she's sweating, her elevated heart rate, the sickness, she would have reacted sooner to the medication…I just hope they caught it in time."

"We're in a friggin hospital" she whispered frantically, "how can she get an infection?" Angela's anger lashed at her.

"Hospitals really are a hotbed of disease as Jane says." Sighing Maura looked down as Jane's fingers relaxed in her hand, she had fallen asleep again, her body's way of healing.

Kissing her gently she whispered, "Sleep Jane, I'll be right here…I'll always be here."

**Let me know what you think please. And thank you again… Enjoy tonight's episode.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I hope you all are still with this story…I love all of the comments and reviews, thank you.**

**Please continue to enjoy, your humble bard, Honorcpt.**

There were times when Maura truly despised being right. Jane's shoulder wound had started to develop a staph infection and the heavy dose of antibiotics as well as the cleaning of the wound three times a day had made Jane even more miserable than her inability to string sentences together well. Maura knew how much it had to hurt when they cleaned the wound but it was the only way to attack the infection on both fronts.

She and Angela had taken turns being by her side while Jane had been feverish from the infection. The biggest scare coming when Jane had woken crying because of the pain. Jane didn't cry, at least not from pain and Maura had been hard pressed not to scream at the nurse who decided it was time to patronize her patient and the medical examiner. Maura knew she went to far though when the nurse overheard her comment about having the nurse on her table one day. Even Angela had been shocked, but Maura's anxiety and anger about the situation took over, briefly. And thankfully, that nurse was no longer working with Jane.

By day four the doctor finally smiled as he checked on Jane, satisfied that they had gotten the infection in time. Dr. Woods, the neurologist who came in to see Jane shortly thereafter though was concerned with her speech and cognitive issues.

Maura waited patiently as the doctor spoke with Jane. She was staying awake for longer periods of time and Jane always seemed surprised to see Maura, as if she expected to be alone when she woke. Maura had promised to be there and she was. She had kept her discussions with Jane to a minimum, not wanting to get her anxious again and she had unfortunately been forced to ask Angela to leave earlier in the day when she saw how upset Jane was after being with her mother for a little bit. Maura blamed herself, she had finally run home at Jane's urging to shower and freshen up. The hour and a half she had been gone had apparently been more than a bit stressful.

Dr. Woods beckoned for Maura to follow him out.

"She's getting better Dr. Woods." Maura spoke quickly, anxious about getting Jane back to herself.

Dr. Woods smiled knowingly; loved ones always had a difficult time accepting that they may never see the person they once knew.

"She is Dr. Isles, now that she looks to be over this infection we can work on her rehab. It doesn't look like her gross motor skills have been adversely affected but she's not due to get out of bed until…"

"Tomorrow, physical therapy, they have to assess her gross and fine motor skills." Maura rushed out with the explanation knowing full well that this was information that Dr. Woods was fully aware of.

"That's right, as to her speech and cognitive issues…"

"Doctor if I may?" at his nod Maura took a deep breath and spoke. "I'd like to try something with her that may help a bit. Before you say anything, I know she may be permanently impacted and affected by what's happened but I know Jane and she is aware of her…difficulties…they are frustrating her and its starting to affect her relationship with her mother…and me." She hadn't told anyone that Jane had barely spoken to her the times that she was awake. Maura had done all the talking and she didn't know if that was because Jane couldn't or wouldn't. She didn't want to lose her, not now that she had finally seen into her heart. Jane's letter, which she read several times a day, was the key. Maura knew that with a certainty she couldn't explain.

"What are you proposing?" Dr Woods was intrigued and was quite aware of the medical examiner's reputation and relationship with his patient.

"I'd like to read her something she wrote, a letter that she was going to give someone before she was shot." Maura felt a physical pain in her chest at her words, the guilt she felt about the betraying Jane would never leave her, and she knew that.

Dr Woods knew what she was trying to do, it was one way to help a brain injury patient recover those last moments before their injury, a way to help them refresh their thought process and it certainly couldn't hurt.

"I think that's a good idea Dr Isles. We'll also set up her therapy based on the assessment done tomorrow. Hopefully we'll have a bit more to work with after your work with her.

"Thank you doctor," Maura's gratitude was heartfelt. She had wanted to try this for a few days but didn't want to risk it while Jane was still fighting the infection. Maura shook his hand and stood a bit straighter before going back into the room.

When she pushed the door open she was surprised to find dark chocolate brown eyes staring at her. "Don't want…alone." Jane bit her lip hoping she said it well enough for Maura to understand.

Jane had felt a flash of panic when Maura followed the doctor out, alone hurt. She already felt isolated from everyone because of her inability to communicate properly. Korsak and Frost had been by the previous day and it was all she could do to nod in the right place. She felt stupid, but not when Maura was there. Jane didn't know how to feel with Maura though. It hurt when she wasn't with her, but sometimes it hurt when she was. She had spent enough time awake now to realize that Maura wasn't going to leave her but Jane was still fearful. She didn't feel like herself right now and she wondered what Maura would do when she remembered that Jane had shot her father.

Maura frowned at the look that crossed Jane's face, wondering what she was thinking.

"I won't leave you alone Jane, I'm sorry. How are you feeling? Do you want to sleep?"

"No." it came out firm and full of conviction, just like Jane and Maura couldn't help but smile at how much she sounded like her old self.

Walking over to her purse Maura pulled out her journal and turned back to Jane. Jane's eyebrows rose as she saw it. She knew Maura was writing in a journal because she had woken two days ago to find Maura crying as she wrote in it. Maura had quietly explained that she was writing everything down for Jane so she would know what happened but hadn't explained why she was crying.

"Read?" Jane struggled to sit up a bit and smiled at Maura as she moved the head of the bed up. She felt sluggish but better, grateful that the nurses were finally leaving her shoulder alone. She hated that she still couldn't hold a proper conversation with anyone. She wanted to speak with Maura, truly talk to her.

"Yes Jane" Maura took a deep breath before continuing, "do you mind if I read something to you?" Jane shook her head slowly, carefully, she was starting to get used to the constant headache but even she knew not to make it worse.

Jane watched as Maura pulled a brown stained envelope out of the journal and put the journal aside.

"Journal?" Jane was confused, she thought Maura was going to read from the journal but instead she was pulling out a letter.

Leaning over her Maura ran a hand along Jane's forehead before kissing it gently. "I want to read a letter you wrote me if that's okay?" Jane's slow nod was all she needed. Moving her chair closer to the bed Maura squeezed her hand before unfolding Jane's letter. Unconsciously smiling at the feel of the letter in her hand Maura didn't feel the tear that rolled down her face.

"Cry…sad?" Jane saw the tear and wondered what had caused it, she had seen Maura smile and then tear, and she was confused at best.

Maura saw the confusion on Jane's face and wanted to kick herself for putting it there. "No Jane, I'm sorry…let me read alright?"

"K"

Smoothing the letter Maura took a deep breath and started to read Jane's letter to her aloud.

"_Dear Maura_

_I don't know what to say to you right now, the look on your face when you yelled at me broke my heart. I actually felt it break as I realized the pain my actions had caused you. I never ever thought I would be the cause of pain for you. Laughter, frustration, joy, love, those are the things I want to be the cause of, never pain or anger or sorrow._

_Laughter because of the dumb stuff I do that makes you laugh at me all the time. Your eyes laugh even when you don't laugh out loud. I love that, that twinkle you get as you try to keep a straight face but inside you're laughing. I know you, I see you and I know you are._

_Frustration when I act like I don't know what you're talking about when you start reciting the encyclopedic definition of something we're talking about, when I really do. Remember, Tommy's not the only Rizzoli with a beautiful mind. I just like to hear you talk, anytime, about anything. It's like music to me Maura. I hear your voice and I'm home._

_Joy when I know you've been working late and your face lights up when I bring you your favorite latte. The joy in your face when I agreed to do that marathon with you, and yoga, and pilates and the mudbath at the spa. You may not have figured it out yet, but I would do anything for you, anything at all to bring you joy._

_Love. We've never really discussed love have we Maura? We've said we love being best friends or LLBFFs if you will, since you came up with that, but love….gah!_

_I can't believe I'm writing this but wow, the L word (no pun intended) I know old joke still, I can't say it any more simply than this, so here goes._

_I love you Maura Isles, with all that I am and ever will be. I love you._

_There I said it, whew…"_

Maura paused reading it aloud hurt so much. She tried to imagine her life without the Jane she knew and it hurt so much, looking toward the bed, she saw Jane intently focused on her and what she was reading so she continued.

"_Confession time. I've had strong feelings for you for some time, but I was scared and unsure. Yes big bad Detective Rizzoli was scared of what she might be feeling for another woman. I wasn't sure what it was for sure that I felt blossoming, so I put those feelings aside somewhat. It all came to bear though when Doyle kidnapped you. God I was frantic Maura, thinking I might never see you or hear you again. When he called I would have given anything to get you back, I would have lain down my life for you Maura with no regret except for one. Never telling you how I felt about you. Never telling you that I had fallen in love with you._

_After the shooting at the precinct, things changed between us. I know I scared a lot of people, hell to be honest I scared the hell out of myself, but all I could think about were you and Frankie that day. When I took that shot Maura, it was you I was thinking about, you I regretted leaving, you who would be alone. But I had to and I've never told you how sorry I was for putting you through all that. I know you were the first one there Maura I heard you, and if I had died then, I would've died happy knowing yours was the last voice I heard. We've been closer since then and still I couldn't bring myself to tell you how I felt. I chickened out on so many occasions Maura I figured there would always be time. I've teased you…you've teased back but I never knew if you felt what I felt. I hoped you did and I hoped to one day tell you the truth. In my mind I had it all planned out. We would be at your place after a difficult case and somehow, I would find a way to touch you, to make you look me in the eyes. You would smile because its what you do when I look at you and I would finally have the courage to say three little words._

_Instead, what have I done? I've made you hate me, the look in your eyes that day told me so much, the sound of your voice as you screamed at me. All of the things I never wanted to cause you, I did, with one act. I'm sorry Maura, so sorry that I caused you pain. I would take that on myself to spare you that. I betrayed your trust by telling someone I thought would keep mine. I know that and I can't tell you how sorry I am Maura. _

_When I started writing this letter I was just going to say that I was sorry and that I loved you but somewhere it took on a life of its own. I needed to talk to you without putting my foot in it. You just…God you make me so crazy sometimes that I say the wrong thing and immediately know I did, but the damage is done. Writing this way, I can put what I feel on paper and hopefully for once express myself the way you deserve. I hope one day you let me give you this letter. I hope one day we can at least be friends again. I won't love again Maura because loving you and losing you hurt too much this time around and I wasn't even able to voice it. I should probably take that part out but right now I'm just letting the words flow from my broken heart."_

Maura gasped when Jane interrupted, "Only you can mend it Maura." Jane had her eyes closed and the frustration her face had been exhibiting for days was gone as she continued, "Only…only you can make it beat …again. Only you…can make it whole again. I'll be sorry about the pain I caused you …" Jane hesitated before smiling "till the day I die Maura I just hope that one day you let me tell you that I love you. Because guess what? I do so very much, love you. Yours…forever"

Maura was crying openly one hand covering her mouth as she realized what had happened. Jane had remembered, she had and though her recitation had been hesitant, she'd done it.

"Love you Maura…ok to hate me…" Jane struggled with her emotions. She almost didn't know how to feel. She remembered the letter. She remembered writing and the feelings that went with it. Why would Maura read that? God, she was so tired…

"Oh Jane…Jane don't you understand? I love you too…I'm so sorry for the pain I caused you, for all of this." Jane's hand wrapped around Maura and pulled at her.

"No…cry…not worth cry…" Jane could hear the words spoken by Maura in her heart.

"You were trying to give me this letter the day you were shot Jane…" Maura started…

"Remember…" Jane closed her eyes as exhaustion, emotional and physical pulled at her, "remember how I feel…love you Maura…forever…" Jane drifted off holding onto Maura's hand.

Maura looked down at her hand and at the woman who owned it. Jane owned all of her, she had, for some time. Hope flared within Maura as she realized what Jane's recitation meant. There was a good chance that Jane would recover. Maybe not one hundred percent, but close…

Kissing Jane's hand, Maura laid it on the bed and put the letter away, turning to a clean page in her journal. Without the slightest hesitation, she began, "_Dear Jane…"_

**I'd love to know what you thought…let me know…**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm still amazed at the response to this story, I hope I don't disappoint, enjoy, your humble bard, Honorcpt.**

The therapy Jane had undergone over the last four days had been grueling but worth it. Between the physical and cognitive/speech therapy, Jane was exhausted by four in the afternoon and often slept through dinner service. This was Angela's chance however. She had approached Maura apologetically and had broken down when she started to talk about Jane. It was just so hard for her to see her daughter this way. Maura had taken the older woman in her arms and offered her the same comfort she had been given by her. They were in this together, for the long haul. Maura took the time during that conversation to let Angela know that she had taken a leave of absence from work for the next sixty days, to be by Jane's side as much as possible and help her through her convalescence. Angela's shock had made Maura giggle unexpectedly and Angela had frowned at her disapprovingly.

"I'm sorry Angela, I don't know why I did that."

"Its okay dear I do that when I'm nervous too." Angela smiled knowingly.

"Nervous? I'm not nervous…"

"Does Jane know you've taken leave?"

"No, but that doesn't…"

"You know she doesn't want to be a burden to you, I'm her mother, I should be taking leave to care for her, but I don't she'll want me…though…she will feel guilty about you."

"There's nothing to feel guilty about, part of my request included the police department's ability to consult with me if necessary but…but Jane needs me…and quite frankly I need her."

Both women smiled at each other and Angela pulled the food she had brought out of her bag.

"For the both of you, just a lightly seasoned linguini over chicken. I checked with the nurse so I wouldn't get in trouble again."

"Thank you Angela," Maura took the dishes from her and headed toward Jane's room, she would be waking soon and would be ravenous, a definite sign that she was getting better.

"Uhm Maura?" Maura turned questioningly, "Are you ever going to read Jane your letter to her?"

"What letter?" Maura bit her lip; she did not appreciate the direction this conversation was going. Only one other person knew about the letter, Tommy. He had come by when she had been writing it and was worried that she had been crying.

Angela's laugh surprised her, "Tommy never could keep things to himself, always has to let at least one other person know. I asked him about his visit, since I was uh…asked to leave."

Maura blushed, she felt bad about that but she refused to have Jane upset, not now.

"I…" she began.

"No, don't apologize Maura, I deserved it, I know that, but you're not to tell Janie that I ever admitted that," she admonished waving her finger at her. "Now, the letter."

"Angela I don't think …"

"No you do think, to much sometimes, this time just feel honey. Let Jane feel how you feel…tell her." Angela's words were gentle and soothing. She knew she was probably overstepping but Angela knew that Maura usually responded well to a little push.

Maura nodded, maybe she would tell her, and she would just have to wait to see how Jane was doing after her therapy today.

Pushing the door open she wasn't surprised to find Jane still sleeping. Therapy was talking a lot out of her physically and she generally slept for at least a solid hour when she got back. Maura had accompanied Jane to her first session but had stopped attending when Jane had brokenly asked her to. She could see how mortified Jane was at her inability to just be Jane and so Maura had honored her wishes. The doctor and the therapist had spoken with Maura and kept her abreast of Jane's progress with her approval. Putting the food down she made her way to Jane's side and kissed her forehead gently. The large bandage had been removed from her head wound and hair was growing back quickly where it had been shaved and cut back from her scalp.

Maura watched as Jane murmured in her sleep after Maura kissed her. With a smile she tenderly kissed her on the mouth and was surprised when she couldn't pull away. Jane's hand had snaked its way into her hair and was holding her there. Eyes wide she looked into Jane's now dark eyes as Jane gently deepened the kiss. It was tender and deep and the first real kiss they shared. Maura pulled away as she felt Jane's arm tremble around her.

"Stop Jane, you're tired…" swallowing thickly Maura tried to control the desire that had flared at the deepening of a simple kiss.

Jane focused her intense gaze on her, "beautiful…you're beautiful." She hadn't forgotten the letter she wrote or how Maura had read it to her. It felt more real now. How she felt about Maura was true, real and she was determined to be Jane Rizzoli again, Maura deserved nothing less.

"How are you feeling? Hungry yet?" This was their nightly ritual, Jane was usually ready to eat both their dinners she was so hungry.

Jane nodded and watched as Maura prepared their plates. She was still unsteady in her movements and her speech, but she had worked her ass off these past four days to be the person Maura deserved. Sitting up carefully she waited until Maura sat next to her.

"Both eat?" as she saw the two plates, "good" Jane said with conviction, missing Maura's smile.

Maura watched as Jane slowly helped herself to the food her mother had prepared. The joy she felt watching Jane tickled her. She loved this woman so much that even something as simple as Jane feeding herself after the trauma she had been through made her heart sing. Maybe Angela was right; maybe she should let her read the letter.

"You're blushing…Maura, why?" Jane looked up at tilted her head the way she used to, before she was shot.

"Nothing just…do you mind if I read something to you in a bit?"

"My letter?" Jane raised an eyebrow.

"No Jane, mine."

"Yours?" pushing her plate away she smiled at Maura, "now?"

"No, finish first, and no pouting"

"I'm in hospital, allowed to pout." Jane's eyes had some of their teasing twinkle back and Maura knew she was making the right decision, she wanted Jane to know how she felt. Shaking her head Maura kept on eating until she saw Jane continue as well. As soon as she was done, Jane covered up a yawn and looked at Maura expectantly.

With a sigh Maura put the remains of their dinner away and brought her journal out. She was uncomfortable reading from it but Jane was still having difficulty reading and she didn't want her straining.

"I'm nervous," she said aloud. Jane reached over and took Maura's hand in hers.

"Then don't" Jane's serious tone surprised her; she sounded almost like her old self. "Just sit with me."

Kissing Jane's hand Maura pulled hers free, "No Jane…I know now how you felt," seeing Jane's look, "sorry, feel, but I've never truly told you how I feel. I don't write as beautifully as you but I hope I can convey my feelings as well."

Jane settled in and watched as Maura found the right page in her journal. She was amazed that Maura was still here, with her and now she was about to hear how Maura felt. She realized she was nervous too.

Clearing her throat nervously, Maura started,

_Dear Jane,_

_The depth and breadth of your feelings, your love for me, amazes me. Your letter touched a piece of my heart I didn't know existed. I felt exposed when I read your words. You know me Jane, you saw me. You saw through my social faux pas, my general discomfort with people and made me feel real. Like I was worth more than just what my name was worth. You made me feel real, like I mattered, like I still do._

_When I found out whom my father was I thought I would lose you as my friend. Reading your letter, I realize now you loved me then, as I've loved you. I don't know when it happened. I know that every time I saw you with someone else I secretly hoped it wouldn't work out. We danced around each other for so long…_

_The day I saw you shoot yourself was the worst day of my life until the warehouse. When you shot yourself Jane I thought I would lose you forever. I felt the bullet enter my own body that day and settle in my heart. I almost lost you and I didn't have the nerve to tell you how I felt. Again your letter told me you felt the same. How could we both have been so blind? Time wasted, time spent, time gone…_

_You are my best friend Jane but when you shot Paddy…I felt betrayed, angry, and sad…it felt like my world imploded and you lit the fuse. I knew it was wrong to feel that way but when I screamed at you I felt my heart break as I realized in that moment what I had done to you. I saw your face Jane. Every time I close my eyes I see your face and that expression of disbelief. I tore your heart out that day and I will never forgive myself. I shut you out and punished us both. I can never make it up to you and all I can do is ask that you forgive me._

_Jane when I read your letter I felt you hand your heart over to me. I want you to know that I will protect it and care for it always. I know now that my heart has always belonged to you and that you would give your life for it. I can only hope that you still feel the same way after all this. That you are still willing to let me have your heart because you have mine, you have for some time._

_I love you Jane Rizzoli. You make me crazy and even though you always do things the hard way, I will gladly do those things with you. If you'll have me…if you still want me…I'm here. Always._

_You know how I love poetry…this one has made me think of you for some time now:_

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, - I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

_Yours forever,_

_Maura_

Maura looked up from her journal to find Jane crying silently. Closing the journal she got up on the bed next to Jane and whispered in her ear, "I do love you Jane, I don't deserve you after everything I've done but I hope you can forgive me."

Jane turned to her with tears still in her eyes, "Love you Maura Isles, nothing to forgive." She leaned into Maura and welcomed the feel of her arms around her. Exhaustion, both physical and emotional pulled at her but for the first time since waking, she felt like Jane again.

**Would love to know what you think…**

**btw the poem?-Elizabeth Barrett Browning gets that credit….**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thank you everyone for the alerts, the comments, the follows…this story belongs to you, I hope you continue to enjoy, your humble bard, Honorcpt**

**Finally, a bit of Jane's perpective…**

Jane rolled her shoulder feeling just a tug and twinge of pain. With her arm in a sling now she actually felt more mobile than she had been. Almost two weeks had passed since Maura read her letter to her. Two weeks for them to discover just how much love there was between them. Jane had been beyond grateful to her for interceding with the family and friends who wanted to visit with her. After the fiasco with Frost and Korsak, she realized she didn't want to see anyone until she could hold a conversation without tripping over her words or being unable to finish a complete sentence.

Her physical therapy had been going well and her arm was in a sling only part of the time now. Her other therapy though…she angrily ripped another page out of her notebook and threw it toward the trash can. Part of her therapy included not just speech therapy, but cognitive as well. She had to read and read aloud, which she was getting better at and Jane knew darn well that she had surprised them with her progress, and Maura. It was the writing that was bothering her. She still got headaches throughout the day and though she had been told they would lessen, they were migraine reminders of the shooting that she could do without. Plus, they affected her writing and her speech. It made her frustrated with herself and everyone around her.

Sighing she put her pen down. They had moved her into a room in another wing for her therapy and she wasn't going to be allowed to go home for at least another week. Home. Just the mention of her going home had started an argument between Maura and her mother and then Maura and her. She knew Maura had taken time off, she just hadn't realized quite how much and she felt guilty for being a burden to her. Maura had done her best to assuage that guilt but Angela hadn't been able to help herself and said she would gladly take time off to be with her.

They were both making her a little crazy, her mother more so. Maura just because she worried. Too much. Jane could tell she had lost weight since the shooting and she wasn't taking care of herself, staying with Jane all the time. Jane practically had to beg her to go home the other day just to take a break. Granted, Jane really didn't want to be alone, but she needed Maura to be okay. She looked at her watch and knew Maura would be back soon. She had gone to the precinct for a consult before coming back to the hospital and as soon as she had left Jane had pulled out the poem she had been working on.

After Maura read her letter to her, the depth of Maura's feelings for her had overwhelmed Jane. To include that particular poem. Jane knew Maura loved poetry and she loved Maura. She hadn't written a poem since she was in high school but after the letter she had felt compelled to write one. Only she couldn't. She had tried and failed quite a few times over the past two weeks. Today was the first day that the thoughts had flowed cohesively. She almost felt like her old self, but the headache that was peaking right now was interrupting her flow. Jane knew in her heart that if she could finish writing this that she would be alright. She didn't know why she thought that, but she did. The speech was coming back. Physically she was much better, off balance at times but better.

Tomorrow she had agreed to let her brothers come by for a visit. It would be her first test at holding a decent conversation with someone other than Maura and her mother. Besides the hospital staff of course. But before that dammit she was determined to finish this poem for Maura, for herself. Running a hand through her growing hair, she felt the raised scar along her hairline behind her ear and realized just how lucky she truly was.

Raised catholic, she believed in God, but until now she didn't appreciate his mercy. She had been given a second chance and she fully intended to grab that chance with both hands. Glancing at the arm in a sling, she laughed. Figuratively of course. She was feeling like her old self. Glancing at her cell phone she picked it p and dialed Maura's number.

"Jane? Is everything alright?" Maura's worry carried over the phone.

"Fine Maura, just…wanted to hear voice." Damn, she cursed herself she kept leaving out words. "Have a surprise for you when you get back," she said deliberately.

"A surprise?" The lilt in Maura's voice made Jane smile. "What is it?"

"Surprise Maura…see you soon?"

"At least another hour…okay?" Maura's voice was sad as she said it.

"S'okay, surprise waiting…grrr…surprise will be waiting." Jane corrected herself quickly.

"Bye hon" Jane could hear the smile in Maura's voice and disconnected the call. Picking her pen back up she started writing again, thoughts of Maura filling her with joy as she wrote. She had never shown anyone her poetry, ever. What if… No, Maura will at least appreciate the effort. Jane read carefully through what she had written and continued writing. One hour would pass very quickly.

**xxxxxxxxx**

Maura opened the door and was surprised to see Jane asleep in the chair she usually used. A notebook lay on her lap and she smiled as she saw the amount of torn pages lying around the trashcan.

Leaning in she kissed Jane tenderly on the lips.

"Mmmmm….Maura!" Sitting up too quickly, Jane brought a hand to her head as her head started to pound. "Oww"

"Oh Jane I'm sorry…" Maura grabbed the notebook as it slipped off Jane's lap.

"Okay, I'm okay…" disoriented Jane looked around, "You're back?"

"A little later than I expected, I'm sorry."

"Mmm…"Jane stood up and wobbled a bit before pulling Maura in for a hug.

"What was that for?" Surprised Maura watched her walk back to the bed and sit down.

"Nothing really, just wanted to." She hadn't realized she had fallen asleep. But after finishing her poem she had leaned her head back and fallen asleep satisfied with her efforts.

"Are you hungry?" It was after six and food service had come and gone while Jane had been asleep apparently.

"No, not yet, day go okay?" Jane could tell Maura was tired and still she was here with her. Patting the bed she invited Maura to sit.

"It went fine, I'm glad to be back here though. So, what's my surprise?" Maura couldn't keep the excitement out of her voice. She woke up grateful everyday for another day with Jane and anything that Jane wanted to give her after what had happened was a surprise to her.

"I wrote something today." Jane said the words quietly, hesitantly.

Maura opened her mouth and snapped it shut. This had been Jane's biggest obstacle thus far, her writing. The speech was progressing as they expected even if Jane did get frustrated with herself, but she had been unable to write, to express herself the way she wanted. Remembering Angela's words about Jane's writing as a child, "what did you write Jane?"

Suddenly embarrassed, Jane looked over at her notebook still on the chair, "I wrote you a poem Maura."

Maura got up and brought the notebook to her, "do you want me to read it?"

"No, I want to read it to you….don't laugh okay?"

"Jane why would I…okay I won't laugh" smiling she watched as Jane opened the notebook and turned to the right page. Maura stifled a chuckle as she noticed how many sheets had been ripped out.

Taking a deep breath Jane tried to calm her nerves before reading. She didn't want to sound foolish or embarrass herself but she needed to tell Maura what she felt and this was the only way she knew how.

"Okay, here goes…

A Gift

_It is rare in life to be rewarded for your misdeeds, your sins _

_And yet there are times when we are offered a gift_

_The gift of a person who is willing to see past the misdeeds, past the sins_

_That person who has been by your side through your lowest points and your highest _

_That person who has withstood the test of time and has never let u fall_

_Falter yes as only in faltering do we grow_

_Yet they are there always. To sustain us to hold us, to care._

_They are the true soldiers of life who fling the arrows away from us and protect us from the pain_

_Our reward, our opportunity to make up for misdeeds. And amend our sins. To open our arms to the gift that we've been given _

_A gift freely given that is so often overlooked _

_A reward for your heart and your soul when you open your arms to embrace them._

_Accept your gift for it comes but once and once it's gone, you will lament never having grabbed it and valued it or having made it your own."_

Her recitation was met with silence and Jane could feel her face getting red. Embarrassed, she closed the notebook and started to apologize when Maura captured her lips. Jane responded, surprised. She could taste strawberries from Maura's lip balm and…salt…pulling away she was surprised to see tears rolling down Maura's face.

'I made you cry." Jane wiped the tears from Maura's face and looked at her.

Maura couldn't believe the poem, the words, the sentiment or the fact that Jane had progressed so far so as to write it. Her heart was singing in her chest as she realized what it meant for Jane, for them.

"No Jane you made me happy, very happy." She knew that Jane, her Jane was coming back to her and it was all she could do not to shout it aloud. "I didn't know you wrote poetry."

"No one does, I haven't since high school but I needed to, it made me feel like me again. Does make sense?" Jane didn't notice how she forgot a word and Maura was not about to point it out. That would come in time she knew.

"Thank you Jane, no one has ever given me a gift like that. Can I keep it?" She nodded toward the notebook.

Jane handed it over but held on "Just don't tell my mother, please."

**Hope you all enjoyed that chapter, and Jane's poem…let me know what you think, I'd love to hear from you.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: The response to this story has been in a word, overwhelming. Thank you, your humble bard, Honorcpt.**

Maura looked at her watch impatiently. Jane was being released today and she wanted to get back in time to speak with Jane's doctor before she was released from the hospital. She watched cautiously as the guard escorted Paddy Doyle into the visiting room. His request to meet with her had become a demand when she had refused to see him for a third time. Maura had made the decision after reading Jane's letter to cut any and all ties to her biological father. She had remained abreast of his condition but had refused all requests by him for her to come see him, until now.

His attorney had contacted her at the hospital the night before and had relayed her father's message to her, "Rizzoli might still be a target, you need to come see me." Her anger and panic at that message had frightened Angela who had come by to see her daughter.

Maura had stormed past her in the hallway as Jane slept, determined to protect her. Angela's confusion when Maura asked her to stay with Jane until she came back made her hesitate momentarily, but Maura continued down the hallway. There was absolutely no reason for Jane to be in danger and she knew Paddy Doyle controlled that right now.

As the guard excused himself Paddy looked at his daughter and smiled tightly, she was angry with him, good, if it got her to come see him.

"Maura…"

"What do you want? Why would you send someone to tell me that Jane is still in danger? I thought this was taken care of…how dare you threaten her again…" Maura's words rushed out angrily and his surprise showed.

"Are you done?…I've been trying to get you to come see me for weeks now." His voice was almost petulant. He was stuck in a wheelchair, in jail and his only remaining child wouldn't even come see him.

"I've been with Jane." Maura voice was incredulous, could he really be that petty, wanting her to be with him, a stranger, albeit her biological father instead of her best friend, who also happened to be the woman she loved?

"Yes, I know, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I hear you and Rizzoli…well you two are…"

"Are what? Friends? Yes we are, best friends, what are you getting at? Maura looked at her watch again, the doctor wouldn't make his rounds before eleven, and so she still had an hour. "Why is Jane in danger?"

Paddy Doyle looked at the determination on his daughter's face and heard the love in her voice for a police detective. He deserved her anger, her hatred, and ultimately, she owed him nothing. He owed her. She had helped save his life, he knew that and his people had almost killed the person his daughter loved. He'd lost her, he knew that now and it was what he needed to know, to move on.

"I received a message that some of the men wanted to take her out for putting me here." Raising his hand, he stopped her objection, "I know, I put myself here when I raised my gun at her. She did the right thing Maura, she shot me before I shot her." Seeing her raised eyebrows he realized she had still doubted her detective's actions, regardless of how she felt for her. He reiterated, "she did the right thing. That's what I told my men. I needed you to know what was going on. Whether you like it or not Maura you're under my protection. My men know that, and now so is your detective."

"What?"

"No one will be coming after her again. I needed you to know that. I am sorry about what happened, it wasn't justified and my men know it now." He didn't tell her that he had the man who shot Rizzoli taken care of. It was information that she didn't need to know.

Maura looked at him suspiciously. She heard the sincerity in his voice and something else. There was something he wasn't telling her, but she didn't want to know. All she wanted to be sure of was that Jane would be safe from him.

"Thank you," she said quietly. Getting up, she turned away and knocked on the door, waiting for the officer she looked back at him. He looked pitifully small in the wheelchair and alone. Walking over to him she kissed him on the forehead and walked away. Whether she ever saw him again, her conscience was clear.

**xxxxxxxxx**

Jane fidgeted in the chair and looked at the clock on the wall. The doctor was due in any minute and Maura still wasn't there. When she had woken last night she had been surprised to find her mother sitting by her bed instead of Maura. Her mother had been unable to tell her what was going on and the brief conversation Jane had with Maura had been cryptic at best. She could tell that Maura was concerned about something but she wouldn't say over the phone, only that she would explain when she saw her.

Maura walked into the hospital room and smiled brightly at Jane. She felt like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Until she saw Paddy and heard what he had to say, she hadn't realized that on some level she did still feel resentment toward Jane for shooting Doyle. He had relieved her of that and for that she would be forever grateful.

"Hey!" Jane's excitement was contagious. She had been chomping at the bit to get out of the hospital and today was the day. She still had physical therapy to attend for a couple of more weeks at least but she was going home, sort of.

Maura planted a kiss on her and pulled her into a hug.

"What was that for?"

"No reason, I'm just happy, relieved. You're coming home with me." Maura's broad smile and twinkling eyes made Jane laugh.

"Yeah, my mother still wants me with her, in the guesthouse." Maura had 'won' the battle with Jane's mother about who would Jane would be staying with.

"Well she can come over," Maura said, "from the guesthouse."

Jane's laughter filled the room as the doctor came in for a final check on her.

With strict instructions on what she was and wasn't allowed to do, the doctor left them with final instructions, prescriptions and strict instructions to wait for the nurse and the wheelchair.

"Really? Maura I don't need a wheelchair." Jane's cognitive and verbal skills had improved greatly in the past week and she was taking every opportunity to make up for lost time.

"Its policy Jane, you know that."

"Don't like it" crossing her arms in front of her she barely felt the twinge in her shoulder. Maura took a seat on the bed and faced her, knowing what Jane would be asking her about soon. She didn't have to wait long.

"Where did you go? Jane sat back in the chair and observed the woman she loved. Maura was calm, calmer than she had been in some time and she was curious about her disappearance.

Taking a deep breath, Maura told her.

"You went see Doyle?" Jane's tone was flat and emotionless, but she was anything but. Maura could tell that Jane was bothered by what she had said, her speech told her that.

"I went, to tell him to stay out of our lives." Maura could see that Jane was shaking, emotional at hearing about Doyle. They hadn't discussed him at all except to say that it had been one of Doyle's men who shot her. Maura watched Jane open her mouth to say something and close it again. Stress affected Jane's mood and her speech, so Maura knew her words had cut right though her. She didn't know if she should tell Jane that she had still resented her actions regardless of the love she felt for her. Maura wondered if telling her that or the fact that Doyle's words had freed her from that sentiment would be the right thing to talk about right now.

Jane bit her lip, trying to form the words properly. She didn't want to hear that man's name, but at the same time, she knew that whatever Doyle had told Maura had lifted her in some way. She wanted to know what was said, but she didn't think now was the time. They would talk about this again, they would have too in order to move on and start a life for themselves. But not now. She had to let it go, at least until she could deal with it without having to deal with her current limitations.

"Stay out of our lives?" smiling shyly at her Jane continued. "Is there an us Maura?" They hadn't talked to much about their feelings for each other in a week.

Maura's eyes narrowed as she realized Jane was willing to let the topic go for now. Leaning into her she kissed her passionately, shocking the nurse who came in with the wheelchair. "Most definitely detective, most definitely."

**Two of you read my mind, pointing out that I hadn't mentioned Doyle…nice job…let me know what you thought…**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you for all the support and encouragement for this story. I hope you all enjoy this update, your humble bard, Honorcpt.**

Jane rolled onto her side and looked at Maura as she slept. She knew how lucky she was to have this second chance with her, she knew that, but the nagging doubts that had started to creep into her mind since Maura told her where she had gone three days ago bothered her. She loved Maura. Jane had said as much in the letter, and it was one of the first things she remembered after being shot, but she couldn't help wonder if any of Maura's professions of love were because of any guilt she might be feeling. Guilt about how she had treated Jane. Guilt because she was almost killed by her father's men. Guilt.

Closing her eyes she rolled carefully out of bed. Her balance was still affected but she'd learned that if she kept her eyes closed briefly it helped to keep her steady. With a backward glance at the woman she loved with her whole being, Jane headed to the living room.

Sitting in the recliner that Maura had surprised her with she took a sip of juice and opened up her notebook. Writing that poem for Maura had opened the floodgates again and she was writing daily. Sometimes just a note or a thought, other times a poem or two. She had forgotten how good it made her feel to write. It freed her. Plus, it was good therapy for her according to her doctor. What she loved about poetry was that there were no rules, so she was free to just write, and she did.

Maura stretched languidly and immediately sat up when she realized she was alone. She and Jane had been sleeping together every night since Jane got out of the hospital. At first it had been awkward, now that they both had revealed feelings for each other, but they had quickly fallen into a comfortable routine. Maura would by no means take advantage of Jane but each night had become harder and harder. She needed to feel Jane next to her in bed. It was a feeling she hadn't experienced before, for anyone. After almost losing her she had been reminded of all the times they had spent the night together as friends and how comforting her presence had always been. She hadn't realized it but she slept better when she was with Jane. She reached for her robe and put it on, time to find Jane.

Maura knew something was bothering Jane but she hadn't pressed her on it. She had sensed it since they had gotten home from the hospital and was sure it had something to do with Doyle. With a deep sigh she headed toward the living room to find her. Jane needed her rest, she didn't need to be worried or stressed about something that had to do with Doyle or anyone else.

Jane's notebook was resting on her lap. She had fallen asleep in the recliner with her mouth slightly open. Maura gazed at her surprised to find her in the recliner asleep. Smiling she could hear Jane arguing with her about the recliner until the moment she sat in it. She had grudgingly admitted that the seat was very comfortable after all. It had quickly become Jane's favorite seat besides sitting on the couch with her. Reaching down she started to pick up the notebook when Jane's hand grabbed hers.

"Don't."

Frowning at Jane's tone of voice she looked at her, "I wasn't going to read it Jane, not if you don't want me to." Hurt, Maura let it go and sat down. "Are you okay? Is something wrong?"

Jane heard her and saw the confusion on her face. There had been something wrong. She had written her thoughts down and read them to herself. It had bothered her to read how she was feeling but it had helped to write it down, it had helped her work it out in her head, and her heart. The woman who sat in front of her loved her, not because of guilt, but because of her. Jane could still hear Maura's letter to her, it resounded in her heart and soul. Paddy Doyle was Maura's father, that would never change, neither would how Jane felt about Maura.

Taking Maura's hand she brought it to her lips. "Nothing is wrong, not anymore. I just…I needed to work some stuff out in my head." And my heart she thought. The poem that had resulted from her thoughts spoke volumes about how far afield her thoughts had gone. She saw the worry in Maura's eyes and smiled tenderly. "I love you Maura Isles, that's what matters to me…I …I was worried that you only said you loved me because of what happened. When you told me you went to see Doyle…the doubts came flooding back…" seeing the look on Maura's face she grabbed her hand tightly, "I'm sorry."

Shaking her head at her, Maura shushed her, "No,_ I'm_ sorry that I didn't tell you where I was going, that I didn't tell you why…" she made a decision there, "Paddy helped me resolve some concerns I had for your safety, and…about you."

"Me?" Jane didn't understand and she honestly didn't think she was going to like what Maura had to say.

Maura nodded, "Until I saw him I didn't realize I was still…affected by what had happened at the warehouse Jane. He said he would have shot you if you hadn't shot him, that's when I finally understood."

"I didn't have a choice" Jane said softly.

"No, but he did."

Jane looked down at her notebook and handed it over to Maura. "Read the poem."

"In life we often wonder why the suffering and pain doesn't stop

Like Job in the bible we are forced to go through the trials of life

Only to smile at the end when life wins.

Life wins the moment we pass if we've been lucky enough to enjoy a life,

filled with hope, Pain, joy and sorrow.

Oft times we feel jealousy that those who have left us no longer suffer

And yet we ignore the sorrow they felt as they passed.

The family, friends and loved ones they left,

All to suffer quietly, silently, in the absence of light.

Pain reminds us that we breathe

Angst reminds us why we cry

Loss reminds us what we yearn for

Love is why we don't die."

Jane looked into Maura's eyes, "I was trying to figure things out. You're all I need Maura, no doubts, no regrets. I love you"

**Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, short but necessary I think…**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: No Rizzoli and Isles this week Oh well, here's a bit of Rizzles for you….enjoy, your humble bard.**

Maura closed the door and smiled. Dinner had gone well and Jane had been able to not only participate in the conversations, but argue some points as well. It had been two weeks since she had been released from the hospital. It had taken Maura that long to convince Jane that inviting everyone over for dinner was a good thing and the success of the evening shown in Jane's face, as she relaxed in her recliner. The minor speech issues Jane had went virtually unnoticed by their guests and even Jane herself, as conversation flowed freely for the first time since the shooting.

Korsak and Frost had been surprised by the invitation to dinner and had been tentative in their conversation with Jane until she had started in on them about a case they were stuck on and how if she were there it would already have been resolved. All hesitation on their parts was gone after that as even Frankie piped in. Maura knew Jane didn't want to be treated any differently because of what had happened. Her doctor's visit the day before had been eye opening for them both.

Jane would never be 100%, but she was as close to it as she would ever be. It would still be at least a month before she would or could be cleared for active duty but she was already pushing to ride a desk at least. The doctor's words that she would never be who she was stung, hell they had hurt her, but she was determined to be Detective Jane Rizzoli again. If she missed a few words now and then, so be it. She still had to pass a physical, a psych eval and requalification before she was allowed on active duty, so she was taking it one step at a time. Her request to Maura yesterday to move her workout dummy to Maura's house had been met with a stunned look on Maura's part.

"Are you kidding?"

"Maura I need to start getting back in shape, you know that, the doctor says I'm good to go on that front." She had watched Maura look around her pristine home and then back at Jane.

"The garage."

"Yes Ma'am"

With that settled they had planned the dinner to basically reintroduce Jane to everyone. Her nervousness showed in her speech throughout the day until everyone got there. Maura smiled as she thought about how beautifully she had done. Watching as Jane dozed in her chair Maura felt herself growing warm at the thought of sharing a bed with her that night. The doctor had given the go ahead for more vigorous physical activity and Jane's lecherous grin at her had made her weak. She walked quietly across the floor to the dining room and started to put things away. She had somehow managed to convince Angela to not help clean up so they could have some alone time but now…Maura found that she was extremely nervous.

Jane watched her through half closed eyes as Maura almost dropped another plate and had to stifle a chuckle. Ever since they had gotten back from the doctor's office Maura had been…anxious, and Jane knew why. Together for over two weeks now the sexual tension between had increased exponentially every time Jane reached another milestone. The doctor's go ahead had capped it. Jane had to admit to her own level of nervousness but loving Maura and making love to her were things she had no doubt about. Quietly she got up off the recliner and wrapped her arms around her.

Jumping, Maura turned in her arms, "Jane! I thought you were sleeping…"

"I was…" leaning in she captured Maura's lips tentatively at first and then more passionately as she felt Maura's body respond to her.

Maura was on fire. It felt like every nerve ending was flicked though even though she knew that was impossible. Jane's kiss had reawakened her body from the lull it had been in during dinner. She found herself returning the embrace and the kiss.

Pulling back Jane felt like she would explode from want. Admittedly she was tired and she wasn't supposed to overtax herself but this was Maura, finally in her arms, and they were alone and she had the doctor's okay…there was no turning back. Looking down into Maura's eyes "I love you Dr Isles," she said huskily, "I want you…will you have me?"

Maura looked at Jane and was surprised by the smoldering darkness in her eyes, it made her nervous and excited.

"Are…are you sure?"

"Maura I've never been more sure anything" Jane grinned as she realized she missed a word again, the hell with it, right now she didn't care about that. She wanted nothing more than to sweep Maura up into her arms and take her to bed but physically, she still couldn't.

Reading her mind Maura took her hand and led her away from the kitchen, "Come with me…" Maura led the way into the bedroom. She wanted more than anything for this first time to be special; she didn't want Jane to regret admitting her love.

Turning to face her Maura suddenly realized how uncertain and nervous she was. Jane put a finger under her chin and tipped her face up to her. "I'm nervous too" she whispered.

They stood looking at each other, both lost in their thoughts. Realizing all to well that things could have been so different. They had spent a lot of the past two weeks learning more about each other, their likes, their dislikes, becoming more than best friends, more than a couple, becoming one. This giving and taking was new for them both, as was tonight.

"Call me crazy, but I'm almost grateful for what happened." Jane knew her words shocked her when Maura took a step back. "Listen to me for a sec…I was giving you the letter, but you were still pretty angry at me." Holding a finger to Maura's lips, she shushed her. "You've said so, you were torn…I was worried that you only said what you did to me because of guilt Maura, but I know you, I see you and that has never been the case." Taking a deep breath, "I'm sorry I ever thought or felt anything of the kind…"

Maura didn't know what to say. Jane was expressing what was in her heart and giving up her soul to her, she could only do the same.

"Jane Rizzoli you breathe no thanks to my father, you love me, no thanks to me. I don't know what I've done in life to deserve you but I want to spend the rest of my life trying to figure it out." With a kiss and a tug she pulled Jane onto the bed, tracing a finger along the scar on her shoulder. "Now, where were we…"

**Some of you I know wanted more graphic, some are content with this. This is a different kind of story for me so I hope you are still enjoying it. Next week is the Summer finale and I've said that this was meant to be short, so I pose a question to you, do I:**

**Continue while they are on hiatus and make this a bit longer at least till it premieres again**

**End it next chapter, nicely of course**

**See where the muse takes me?**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: SSo, the overwhelming response has been that I continue, at least for now, so I will, especially since our favorite ladies don't come back till November. Thank you all for your continued interest in this story, your humble bard.**

"Yes!" Jane walked out of the doctor's office and smiled broadly at her mother, "I'm cleared!"

The doctor followed her out chuckling at his patient's antics. She had worked harder than anyone he had ever seen to get back to who she was. He was in a word, impressed.

"Detective, I've signed the paperwork for you and while I've medically cleared you for duty, you may still suffer from lingering effects, don't overdo" he admonished.

Jane nodded; she had heard it from him and her therapist over and over. She had to work daily to maintain herself. The writing and speech therapy were helping tremendously now that she had finished physical therapy. But she still had to be mindful of over taxing herself until she could build up her endurance again. The best thing was that her next doctor's appointment wasn't for another three months. She didn't know how she would have done it without everyone's support, especially Maura's. After their first night together over a month ago, their relationship had unbelievably deepened if that was possible.

"Thanks doc. Come on Ma, I wanna surprise Maura for lunch." Angela smiled at her daughter's happiness. She was her Janie again. Angela had noticed some subtle changes in her behavior and speech but she knew it was who Jane was now. She had learned quickly that if she wanted to be an active part of Jane's life she couldn't nitpick like she used to. Jane was still self-conscious about her speech and Angela knew she needed to leave it alone. Maura had talked with her two days after the dinner about her comments when Jane spoke. Jane had shrugged it off that night but she had confessed to Maura that it bothered her that her mother brought it up. Maura had taken it upon herself to let Angela know how much she had hurt Jane. She promised herself she wouldn't do that again. Life was too short and after almost losing her little girl, Angela was determined to be as supportive as she could be.

Jane got behind the wheel of her mother's car and started it up.

"Jane I really wish you would let me drive."

"Absolutely not," she had been given the go ahead last week to drive again and its all she wanted to do. She hadn't realized how she hated being driven around. Smiling at her mother she waited while she buckled in before pulling out. She had promised Maura that she wouldn't go to her appointment alone so she had dragged her mother along. With Maura back to work, Jane had been more than antsy, upping her therapy sessions and working out twice a day. She was determined to pass her police physical and today's appointment had been the first step. Before she checked in with Maura she would check in with the police psychologist. It went against the grain for her to speak to him but she had a goal. She would be Detective Rizzoli again, period. That meant that she had to be cleared or Cavanaugh wouldn't give her a second thought. Her attempt to be put on desk duty had been met with more than a little resistance from Maura.

She was close though. Jane knew that it was within her reach now. Looking out the window she waited for the light to change. Her life had changed so much since that day at the warehouse. All she could feel was…gratitude.

"What are you smiling about Jane?" Angela looked curiously at her daughter. There was serenity about her that she had never exhibited before. Maura told her that Jane was writing again. She had been happy to hear that. It had obviously done her good, as had Maura. Angela knew in her heart that no one would ever love Jane the way Maura does.

"Hmm…" seeing the light change, she kept driving. "Was I smiling? I guess I was, I just…I don't know ma, is it weird to feel grateful for all that's happened?"

Angela knew what she was asking, "no Jane, not at all. You've been to hell and back and along the way you found what you've been missing."

"Thanks Ma." Pulling up in front of the station she turned to her mother. "I mean it, thank you for everything." Eyes cast downward she was surprised when her mother kissed her on the forehead.

"Go, surprise Maura, I have to get back to work anyway."

"Yes ma'am!" Stepping out of the car she looked down the street at the spot where she had been shot. She shook off the chill she felt seeing it and headed in.

"Rizzoli! Hey you back?"

"Not yet Henderson, soon though." Going through security she pressed the down button and waited for the elevator. She probably should have let Maura know she was coming but she really wanted to surprise her.

Standing just outside the morgue it suddenly hit her that just a few months ago she almost ended up on a table here. She couldn't go in. She could feel her heart racing at the thought. It was quiet, too quiet, dead quiet.

"Jane?"

Practically jumping out of her skin Jane turned too quickly, losing her balance. Grabbing her arms, Maura kept her upright.

"Jane what's wrong?" She was pale and shaking. Maura had felt a thrill when she saw her standing there, but now…she was pale, clammy.

"I…dammit…" shaking her head from side to side Jane looked into the morgue and tried to pull away from her. She was embarrassed by her weakness and shocked at her reaction to being here. How the hell could she expect to come back to work if she reacted like this?

Maura didn't know what had happened but she knew that something had affected her, strongly, and following her gaze she suddenly realized what it was.

"Jane, look at me." Maura tried to get through to her but Jane was in a panic, so she did the only thing she could think of, she kissed her.

Jane's shock at the sudden kiss made her stiffen. As Maura deepened it she felt herself start to relax. Maura sensed the change and warmed at the response from Jane. When she felt certain that Jane was calmer she pulled away.

"Better?" Jane's nod was enough. Taking her by the hand Maura led Jane into her office and sat her down. Biting her lip she sat next to her and waited. She had questions but she could sense that Jane was still trying to compose herself.

"Maura I almost died…I mean, I was almost on one of your tables…" swallowing thickly she couldn't help the tears that formed in her eyes. "I'm sorry Maur."

"Oh Jane…what are you sorry about? Its normal to feel this way."

"Not for me Maur…what if…what if I never come back." With a hint of a smile she looked at her, the doctor cleared me today…I came to tell you and make plans, but…I can't even…I can't even…"

Maura took Jane's scarred hands in hers and rubbed her thumbs along her scars. "You will Jane, it will take time, but you will. I have faith in you and your strength, your determination. Look how far you've come already. No one expected you back. You never doubted yourself and I've never doubted you."

Jane took in what she said and felt the love and support Maura had been giving her unconditionally.

"I have my demons Maura, you know that." Maura nodded and invited her to continue.

"I do"

"I need face him Maura." Jane realized where she needed to start and she also knew Maura wasn't going to like it.

"Who?"

"Doyle, Maura…I need to face him, and…and I'd like you with me when I do."

Maura's shock at her request shown on her face, but she quickly recovered. "Jane I'm here for whatever you need. I won't say I like it, but I told you, we're in this together, forever."

With a soft kiss, Jane thanked her and gave her a tired smile, "so, want to hear about the doctor's visit?"

**Unresolved issues abound…of course… Hope you enjoyed…**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: With the show on hiatus, I considered doing the same but I just couldn't do it. For you, your humble bard.**

Maura watched as Jane paced the visiting room. They had been waiting for over twenty minutes for the officers to bring Doyle in so that Jane could face him. After her visit to the morgue last week Jane had made all the arrangements to see him in jail, calling in a favor or two and getting permission from Cavanaugh to do so. Jane had gone to see the psychologist after her little breakdown and had told him her plan. It was the first time she saw that man smile. Apparently it was a suggestion he was going to make before he would sign off on her return. With the meeting set, Jane had set up her two appointments with him. The first had taken place two days before today's meeting.

Maura knew that Jane was still going over her appointment with the psychologist in her head. He had thrown everything they had worked toward together into disarray, with his suggestion that Maura's guilt is what was keeping her with Jane as well as other things. Given the nature of her injury he had to push her, Maura knew that, but Jane's appearance after her appointment had broken her heart. She had seemed lost, defeated even, so Maura had done the only thing she knew to do. She was with her, mind, body and soul, so she waited. Jane wouldn't even talk to her initially, so it had taken a little while to coax what had happened out of her. Maura's immediate anger had done more to convince Jane than anything else when she realized that Maura hadn't been angry about what was said as much as she was about how it made Jane feel. It was what Jane needed. Unfortunately, her confidence had been shaken and her speech had suffered. She had thrown herself into her therapy and writing, realizing that she had to be up to par to meet with Doyle. Maura's suggestion that she wait had been met with an icy stare. Maura had felt Jane's anger and frustration like a physical blow, but it had helped her understand, until last night. Last night had been difficult for them both, Maura had for the first time lost her temper with Jane. They had blown up at each other, both of them flinging their fears at the other. It had ended when Maura had slapped Jane in the face. Jane's words had cut to her soul, when she called herself an Isles charity case. Maura had enough, after slapping her, she had been so shocked by her actions that she had run out of the house only this time the Rizzoli who chased after her had been Jane.

Jane hadn't even been angry about being slapped, she was angry that she let her doubts and fears take over her common sense and the truth, that Maura loved her. When Jane caught up to her Maura had tried to push her away, ignoring Jane's words until she realized how hard Jane was struggling to string her words together to calm her down. That's what ultimately got through to Maura, and they had both broken down then.

Maura smiled at Jane tentatively as she paced in front of her. Sensing her need for reassurance, Jane squeezed her hand, "I love you Maura, thank you."

Surprised Maura blinked, "for what?"

"For being you." She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Last night had been rough and as much as she hated to admit it, necessary. While they had talked a lot there were some things they hadn't touched on and the psychologist had triggered it all. Jane still didn't feel worthy of Maura's love and her fear that Maura felt obligated spilled out last night. Professions of love were one thing, but understanding and awareness were another. They had talked into the wee hours about everything and nothing. She had watched Maura drift off almost in the middle of a thought and smiled, laying her down gently from where she held her in her arms.

Jane had written her another letter last night, it was in her jacket pocket. She truly didn't know if she would ever give it to her, but it made her feel good that she had written it. Life was too short and as she well knew, unpredictable. She wanted to be sure that whether they spent the next day, year or years together, that how she was feeling at that moment about Maura and about them wouldn't be lost, ever.

She was grateful for Maura's support regarding her meeting with Doyle. The panic attack she had at the morgue bothered her and she knew in her heart that facing him was the key to unlocking some of her emotional turmoil. She squeezed Maura's hand tighter when the door opened and a guard wheeled Doyle in.

Doyle had initially turned down Jane's request to speak with him. It was only Maura's intervention that had gotten him to acquiesce.

"Detective…Nice to see you _up_ and around." His sarcasm wasn't lost on Jane, nor was his emphasis on the word up since she was the one who put him in the wheelchair.

Jane slowly spun in place, "almost good as new Doyle, no thanks to your people." Her voice was hard, with an edge Maura didn't recognize at first.

"You know I had nothing to do with that Rizzoli." His gruff response had Maura raising her eyebrows. He was lying.

"I know nothing of the kind Doyle." Jane paced in front of him going through in her head some of the pieces she had put together only recently. "Two weeks Doyle…why did your men wait two weeks? They could have taken me out at any time, why then?" Stopping in front of him she pulled out a chair and sat to face him, "why?"

Doyle glanced at Maura and swallowed. This was not what he wanted, not at all. He had thought she wouldn't allow Rizzoli to see him, or at least not be present when she did, but here she was.

"You'd have to ask the guy who shot you Rizzoli." He couldn't look at Maura as he spoke.

"He's dead Paddy," Jane said softly, "but you know that don't you?"

His gasp was proof enough for her.

"Did you lie to me?" Maura spoke for the first time.

"Maura…No I didn't lie to you."

"But you didn't tell her everything did you Doyle?" Jane reached over and took Maura's hand. It hadn't made sense to her. Why wait two weeks, why then?

Doyle glared at her, "My men knew you two were on the outs, they also knew that was what I wanted, is that what you want to hear Rizzoli? I knew how you felt about my daughter even if she didn't." At his daughter's shock he continued. "I would've shot her Maura, I told you that. I didn't lie about that. My men were keeping tabs on you. On both of you, when they knew you were going to meet, one of them took it upon himself to do something about it. I knew nothing at the time, I was told about it shortly before Detective Korsak came to see me." His daughter's look of shock and disbelief pained him but he kept going. "My people told me you never left her side Maura, you loved her just as she loved you so…so I had him taken care of."

Maura's gasp didn't surprise Jane, she knew what Doyle had done, or at least she suspected. He had confirmed it for her. His intention had been to keep them apart and whether he had pulled the trigger or not, it had almost happened, permanently.

"You had him killed." Jane's tone was the same as when she spoke with Hoyt, disgust, fear, loathing all wrapped up. This was Maura's father though and if she wanted to move forward and have a real life with Maura, she had to move past this. As he nodded, he avoided Maura's gaze. "I love Maura and she loves me Doyle. I wish I never had hear about you ever again but I know that's not possible, being who you are." She looked at Maura with a reassuring smile before turning her attention back to the man in front of her. "I hate you for what happened, but I am also grateful for how it woke us both up to how we feel about each other. I'll be paying for what happened physically for the rest of my life, but then so will you." Standing up, she pulled Maura up alongside her. "When I leave here I don't want think about you again, at least not the way I did before I came here today and I won't. Goodbye Doyle." Jane knocked on the door and waited for the officer to open it. Her head was pounding; the headache she hadn't had for days was back full force. Letting Maura precede her, she didn't look back.

Maura looked over at Jane as she sat with her eyes closed. She had asked Maura to drive away from the prison. Maura knew Jane had a headache, she could tell by the look on her face. The strain of the past few days were catching up to her and Maura didn't want to be over protective but she was worried. Her father's words rang in her ears though. Jane knew, or at least had suspected that there was more. How much was Jane still keeping bottled up? Their blow up last night had scared her and she wondered if the visit to the psychologist had come too soon.

Jane knew Maura wanted to talk to her but was staying quiet in deference to her headache. With a sigh she opened her eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell...tell you."

"Crazy as this sounds, I do understand, I just…I can't believe it."

"Believe it Maur…I should've told you what I suspected…" Jane had thought about it last night when she was writing her letter but had quickly changed her mind. "I wasn't sure how you would take it, especially after our…discussion."

"It really is okay Jane, I don't know how receptive I would've been given how emotional everything was last night." Looking at Jane she frowned, "Jane? What's wrong?"

Pressing on her temples Jane was leaning forward breathing quickly, "Maur…I…oww…my head Maur…" Quickly pulling over, Maura reached over and checked her pulse, it was rapid, erratic and she had broken into a sweat.

"Deep breaths Jane, please…" pulling out Maura sped down the highway grateful for the light traffic. She suspected it was the stress of the past couple of days but she was taking no chances, not with Jane. Maura pressed down on the accelerator speeding her Prius down the road to Boston General.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: So even though our girls on TV are on hiatus, I am not. I've even been told I don't know the meaning of the word, hmmm…either way as I've said before, I write for you so without further ado…**

Maura paced the waiting room like a caged animal. She wanted to go back with Jane but after Jane collapsed outside the emergency room they had rushed her in for a CT scan and had immediately paged Jane's doctor. She didn't realize she was crying until the nurse tapped her gently on the shoulder.

"How is she" Maura was trying to be professional but all she could see was Jane and the pain she had been in.

"Still bring assessed, I brought you her jacket and wallet, I'll go check and see if I can get the doctor to come speak with you alright?"

Maura took the items and hugged them, Jane's scent overwhelming her a bit. She tried to stop her brain from going through all the different things that might be wrong with Jane. All the things that were popping into her head ended with Jane dead. "No, no, no," she said shaking her head.

"Maura?"

"Oh Angela..." falling into the older woman's arms she let herself cry and feel, truly feel every emotion the past few months had evoked. Maura had texted her as soon as they took Jane back, not trusting herself to speak with her.

"Maura honey what happened? Did she fall? I don't understand, she was fine." Angela's confusion about what was happening broke her heart.

"We went to the prison. Jane needed to face him." Maura didn't even want to say his name, "I think…I don't know, I think the past couple of days caught up with her." Pushing away from the older woman she hugged Jane's jacket tighter to her breast.

"She's had a headache on and off for the past week but today…today was different Angela." She walked over to a chair a sat down. "I can't lose her, not now, not after everything we've been through." She cried into Jane's jacket without inhibition.

Angela had been stunned when she saw Maura's text. "_Rushing Jane to hosp. pls come" _She had left work immediately, calling Frankie as she drove.

"Have they said anything?"

"Not yet…they were taking her for a CT scan…she…she collapsed in the parking lot." Angela brought a hand to her mouth to cover her exclamation. The thought of her Janie…

"My God…" She sat down next to her and took Maura's hand. "Faith Maura, we have to have faith."

"I believe in science…I'm not a woman of faith." She started to say before Angela hushed her.

"We are all people of faith Maura, some folks just give it a different name." She took Maura's other hand and squeezed it tightly, trying to be strong for this woman, her other daughter. "We have to believe that she is going to be fine, we have to." With a small nod Maura leaned into her letting Jane's jacket fall on the floor.

**xxxxxxxxx**

"Her blood pressure is dropping doctor."

"Dammit I think we have a slow bleed, the CT scan has confirmed a possible problem so I don't want to take any chances. Lets get her prepped for surgery," with a deep sigh he continued, "and…and lets get her family back here right away."

Maura looked up at the nurse who came into the waiting room, her face said it all.

"No…"

"Ma'am, we're prepping her for surgery the doctor wants you to come back and see her."

Gripping Angela's hand tightly she followed the nurse out only to turn suddenly and race back.

"Her jacket! I let it fall on the floor…"

"Its okay Maura, it has to be," Angela tried to be strong for her but whispered silently, "God please it has to be"

Walking into the room, Maura watched at the hustle and bustle as they prepped Jane for surgery, She knew they only had a few moments but she wanted to know for sure if what she suspected had happened, had indeed happened.

Looking at the only person she realized she would ever love the way she did, Maura let a tear roll down her cheek as she realized how close she was to losing her again. She walked over to the doctor, wanting, no needing to know.

"Dr Isles, I'm sorry but this has to be quick, I believe Jane has a slow bleed in the area of her previous surgery. I won't sugarcoat this, if we can repair it before it ruptures completely she'll have a chance. If it ruptures before I can make the repair or bypass it…" He looked at the medical examiner who had seen this sort of thing before only today it was personal, "you should say your goodbyes Maura…just in case."

He spoke quietly, after all this time they were friends not just colleagues and he knew that Jane had survived because of her own stubbornness and love for this woman before. He hoped she could do it again, with his help.

Maura's sharp intake of breath at the doctor's words scared Angela as she ran her hand over her daughter's forehead. This couldn't be happening, not again.

Maura took her place next to Jane's bed and calculated odds in her head for Jane's survival. Doing the math was oddly soothing, but there were too many variables, Jane being the primary one.

"Jane Rizzoli don't you leave me" Maura said fiercely as she held her hand. "You promised we would have a life together and I will hold you to it." Leaning in she whispered in Jane's ear even as the tears rolled down her face. "I love you Jane, hold on for me, please."

Angela didn't know what to say, "Janie honey, we need you better, Maura needs you. Besides you promised me grandchildren one day." Smiling sadly she looked at Maura who was hearing this for the first time. "You promised Jane and a Rizzoli doesn't go back on a promise, you hear me?"

The sounds of the room filled the sudden silence after Angela's words.

"Excuse us ladies," the nurse scooted closer to the bed and brought the rail up. "We're going to take her now."

With that she wheeled Jane past them and left them standing there, holding hands.

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Maura walked over to the nurse' station for an update.

"Nothing yet ma'am"

"But…" it had been over three hours since they took her back; with a deep sigh she turned, looked at the others and shook her head. Frankie patted his mother's knee and walked over to Frost and Korsak, who refused to leave until they knew something.

With a kiss on his mother's cheek, Tommy spoke with conviction, "Jane'll be okay you know, I mean she's Jane, right Maura?"

"Hmm…oh yes, yes she will." Distracted Maura walked toward the window and stared out. She was wearing Jane's jacket and hated the way her scent was fading, almost as if she were losing her. This couldn't be happening. She went over every day since the shooting that she'd had with Jane and thought about the letter that Jane had written her. It was neatly tucked away in her nightstand, blood stained envelope and all, but she didn't need it to remember what it said or the emotion it conveyed. Hugging herself she fought off the chill that went up her spine at the thought of a life without Jane. She was a woman of science, but right now she was praying to whatever deity existed to not take Jane away from her.

She prayed that they had caught the bleed before it ruptured. The damage it could cause if it did didn't bear thinking on. Bringing her hands together she tried to warm them, they had been cold since they took Jane back. She shoved them into the pockets of Jane's jacket and was surprised when she found that Jane's pockets weren't empty. Wrapping her left hand around the object shoved deep in the pocket she pulled it out. Opening her hand she was shocked to see a small dark blue jewelry box. Hands trembling she opened it and felt her heart skip a beat. Nestled inside was the most delicate ring she had ever seen. It was a ring setting reminiscent of old Hollywood, white gold with a half-carat diamond at least surrounded by a ring of tiny diamonds.

Her gasp brought Angela over to see what was wrong.

"Maura are you…oh my god…is that what I think it is?" Angela looked at Maura who suddenly couldn't stop shaking. "Honey sit down for goodness sakes."

"Angela…" Maura choked on her words as she realized what she was looking at and what it meant.

"Breath Maura, Frankie can you come here."

"Yeah Ma…whoa! Janie did it, huh?" Whistling as he looked at the ring his sister told him she was getting for Maura. "Wait, she did give it to you, right?" he looked first at Maura then his mother.

"No Frankie, she…I found it in her pocket." She said indicating Jane's jacket. "You knew?"

Shrugging his shoulders he realized what this would mean if his sister didn't survive, "I helped Maura"

Sitting down next to the woman he hoped would be his sister-in –law he put an arm around her, "she's tough Maura, she'll come through this I know it." He believed that, completely. His big sister couldn't die, not like this.

"She never even hinted…we never really…I mean…" Stammering, Maura felt lost, adrift.

Frankie hugged her tightly. "Its what she wants Maura, a future with you. She won't give up on that."

Nodding mutely Maura closed the box and put the ring back where she found it, determined that Jane would place it on her finger one day.

"Thank you Frankie"

Reaching into the other pocket she hunted for the phone she had dropped in there that was suddenly vibrating and stopped when she felt paper instead of the phone. Pulling out the paper, she looked at the envelope she now had in her hand. Not realizing the tears running down her face or the concerned looks from the others she turned the envelope over and saw Jane's familiar scrawl across the front. Sobbing she hugged it to her chest and rocked gently in the chair.

"Maura what is it?"

Biting her lower lip Maura turned the envelope over, hands trembling and showed Angela what was written.

There in Jane's broad scrawl were the words, _Dear Maura_

**I'd like to thank folks for nominating this story for a Rizzles Fanfic Award. My understanding is that voting is going on throughout the month of September. There are a lot of great stories nominated so in different categories so please have a look see and follow your hearts.**

**Your humble bard…**

**Honorcpt**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Faith everyone, faith…thank you for the reviews, reads and follows. I'm glad folks are still following this story…I figured considering where I left the last chapter, I would post a bit sooner. Hope it doesn't disappoint, your humble bard.**

The familiar sounds and smells overwhelmed Maura senses as she hugged the envelope to her chest. The beeping of the monitors comforted her, reminding her that the woman she loved was still alive, but at what cost? The doctor had sat down with them all to explain what exactly had happened, but not before asking Maura again about any headaches that Jane may have had in the past week.

The situation with Doyle and her panic attack had created a perfect storm of sorts, keeping her heart rate and blood pressure elevated for a sustained period. The weakness in the wall of one of the arteries that surrounded the original wound was not unexpected. Individuals who suffered traumatic brain injuries were often more susceptible. The fact that it happened so soon after the initial incident and that Maura had gotten Jane to the hospital as quickly as she had, saved her life. Now it was up to Jane. The doctor told her privately that Jane had arrested on the operating table but that they quickly brought her back. That information had almost brought Maura to her knees and as she stood in the darkened room waiting for the Rizzoli family to come back from the chapel, she realized again how lucky she was for another chance. She knew the odds were against Jane from the beginning but the strides she had made had helped her survive this, so far.

Her mind and emotions were still reeling from finding the ring in Jane's pocket and what it meant. And then there was the letter. She looked at Jane and was grateful that she was at least breathing on her own. The doctor expected Jane to wake on her own soon, and once she did they would be able to assess if there was any permanent damage done. Jane was so still, especially after having been so animated the night before and earlier at the jail. Her long hair framed her face softly, it looked like she was just sleeping, and the only indication of the surgery was the bandage behind her ear. The doctor had been able to go in the same way they had during Jane's first surgery, limiting any more violations of her body. The machines that surrounded her though were a violation themselves.

With a shaky breath Maura looked at the envelope and turned it over in her hands. She was scared to open it. She didn't know why Jane had written it or when.

"Why Jane, why didn't you tell me about your headaches, the ring, the letter…why?" she cried. Collapsing into the chair next to Jane's bed she didn't know whether to be angry or relieved, sad or happy. The myriad of emotions that washed over her took her breath away. It was Jane who calmed her, soothed her, and helped her truly understand feelings.

She needed to hear her; she needed Jane to talk to her. With trembling hands she opened the envelope and took a deep breath before she started to read.

_Dear Maura,_

_I hope that if you are reading this, that we've had a long life together, with children and maybe even grandchildren. I decided to write this after our blow up the night before we went to see Doyle in jail. I realized I wanted you to know what I was feeling and thinking at this moment, so here goes._

_It's almost morning and I'm watchin)g you sleep after our tumultuous and eventful night. (Yes you can insert my grin here) and I'm happier than I've ever been because I realized something tonight; you are and always have been my destiny Maura. _

_Just you._

_I don't want to ever forget what I am feeling for you right at this moment. I understand now that we will have our ups and downs but as long as we are together I will take whatever comes our way. Good or bad. You make me feel wanted and special in a way I know I don't deserve but I am grateful for._

_I thought for a long time that I would only know darkness. You know, the Hoyt's of the world, the ugliness that is my job. That was my life Maura, until you. I never thought it was possible to know this kind of love. I used to laugh at my mom when she read those silly romance novels of hers. I knew that kind of love didn't exist Maura, life is ugly, and fairy tales are just that. I never believed it existed and as I watch you sleep, I am happier than I deserve to be; because I realize that it can exist and does. I get it now. The flipside of all of the bad things in my life is you. _

_You are my destiny._

_You just smiled in your sleep and I wonder if you're thinking of me, or your next pair of shoes. Know what Maura? It doesn't matter. Anytime you smile, I smile. You laugh, I laugh. You are who you are, the quirky woman I clashed with at the counter that day we first met with a social conscience, trying to help out the hooker with no cash. _

_You truly are a gift to me A beacon of light in the ugliness that surrounds me. I feel safe with you, strong, sure. _

_But life…well Maura, life is..._

_I have to confess, I never truly thought about my mortality until I met you. I can't imagine life or death without you, but the nature of my job, hell the nature of life means I won't always be with you. I know this and it causes me so much pain to imagine how you will feel, but I know that you'll be strong you always are, Hell you're the strongest person I know._

_I know I don't make it easy but I want you to know that I will always love you, I will always need you, and I will always be with you. I just wish I had realized all of this sooner. I wasted so much time being scared of loving you. _

_I know I've changed since the shooting, some days I wonder if I'll ever be myself again. I wonder if I'll ever be the Jane you fell in love with. I 'm sorry if I've disappointed you._

Maura looked up from the letter and wiped at the tears, she knew where Jane was going in her letter and she didn't want to read it, but it was oddly comforting. She could hear Jane in her head reading the letter to her. With a deep sigh she continued reading.

_My words don't come freely anymore Maura and I haven't told you about the headaches. There are some nights that I just try to write away the pain. I don't ever want to leave you but if you are reading this I'm already gone. Either the headaches were more serious than I thought or I finally got back on the job and did something to get myself killed. _

_All I can say is I will always love you and I'm sorry Maura. I'm sorry I've caused you pain, again. I never mean to cause you pain. Joy, yes. Love always. But like I said, the nature of life…_

_You need to know though that I will never leave you, not ever. Everything we've ever done together as far as I can remember is written in my journal. It's in your garage behind the holiday decorations. I don't know why I didn't want you to know I was writing that but I felt funny having to ask you about some things because…well there are some things I'm still fuzzy on. I didn't realize it until I tried to write our lives down Maura. There's stuff I can't remember so well and I was embarrassed to tell you. Stupid huh? Considering…I know you don't care, but I did. _

_This letter isn't meant to be sad, its meant to remind you of our love this moment and all the moments we've ever had._

_My mother won't understand Maura, she won't when I'm gone and I'll need you to help her and Frankie and Tommy, hold them close for me. Tell them I love them too._

_Our love is forever Maura don't ever forget me. Please._

_Remember I love you and I have will always be yours_

_Jane_

Maura stared at the words on the page, her heart torn in so many directions she didn't know what to feel. It was a love letter, a goodbye letter, a reminder of their life, a proclamation of love, admission of her fears.

"Dammit Jane!"

The spike in Jane's heart rate made Maura's head whip to the monitor and back at Jane as it leveled out again.

"Jane?" Pressing her lips against Jane's she whispered, "Jane honey can you hear me?" The change in heart rate told her that she could in fact hear her.

With a glance at the door she turned back to the woman who held her heart in her hands.

"Do you realize that you surprise me every day when you tell me you love me?" Shoving the letter back into her pocket she took Jane's free hand and ran her thumb along the scar that Hoyt had put there.

"Why didn't you tell me about the headaches Jane…we could have…sigh…I understand you, I do. But you aren't alone anymore Jane. I'm here for you always, just as I know you will be here for me." She could hear Angela in the hallway talking to Jane's brothers and gripped Jane's hand more tightly; she wanted more time alone with her.

"I need you to wake up for me, I need to see your eyes, your love." The sound of the monitors fluctuated with her words. Maura knew that Jane could hear her, so she tried a different tack, frustration and fear driving her words.

"Darn you Jane Rizzoli for scaring me like this, for scaring all of us. I need you to wake up, I need you…I read your letter, I have so many questions…"

**Hope you enjoyed and as always, thank you for reading… Honorcpt**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thank you for the follows, reviews, reads…just thank you.**

There was no pain where she was. But there was noise, sounds, a voice. It was a beautiful voice and she could feel her heart pound in her head with every word that was spoken. Still she felt no pain. She could hear the pleading in the woman's voice. The woman wanted her to wake up, but Jane was scared to. Her last memory was pain.

The voice pulled at her though. She not only heard it, she felt it, but there were other voices now, familiar voices.

Jane struggled to open her eyes, they felt weighted, heavy and as soon as she did, she closed them again. The light hurt. She lay there listening to the voices a bit more. The woman was crying, she could hear her. She also heard someone else, her mother?

Squinting she open her eyes a fraction and saw her mother holding someone…Maura…A moan escaped her as she tried to move her head and she closed her eyes.

Maura pulled herself out of Angela's arms and whipped her head toward the bed, "Jane?" She thought she had heard her. With a light touch across her forehead Maura, kissed her gently. "Jane? Please…"

"Maura I don't think…"

"No Angela, I heard…I heard her and I know she heard me." Leaning in she whispered in Jane's ear. "I know you can hear me Jane. Please…" Maura held her breath as she saw Jane's eyes open then squint.

"Tommy, turn off the light please." She said quickly. Reaching behind her she pulled Angela toward the bed.

"Ma…Maura…" barely a whisper, Jane saw only her. Just the effort of opening her eyes and saying that one word wore her out. With a half smile, she let herself succumb to her weariness.

**xxxxxxxxx**

"Are you sure Dr. Isles?" Jane's doctor was hoping his patient would stay awake a bit longer but she had drifted off almost immediately after waking. He had received the call on his way home and had turned around immediately.

"She said my name doctor, I...we both heard her," Maura looked at Angela and smiled.

"Alright then, I want to be contacted immediately when she wakes again. I'll be staying in one of the resident rooms." He looked at the both reassuringly. "I want to be able to do a full assessment. I believe we repaired the damage in time, but there are no guarantees. Understood?"

"Understood" Maura had hope and faith, maybe not the same kind of faith Angela had, but faith nonetheless. She had faith in Jane. She let out a sigh as she realized how tired she was. It was late but there was no way she was going home.

"Angela…"

"Maura I'm not going to tell you to go home honey, but you need to get something to eat. I'm going to ask Frankie to get us something."  
"Are you staying?"

"I am if you don't mind?" Angela knew how protective Maura was and now that her daughter was in a relationship it wasn't her place anymore.

"Of course I don't…do you mind if I spend some time alone with her first?"

Angela considered the woman before her and what she was asking. She wanted to be there for her daughter but she also wanted to respect Maura's request.

Taking both of her hands, "How about this. I'll go cook us something to eat and bring it back. That way you get some time alone with her."

Maura enveloped Angela in a hug and whispered, "thank you." She watched and smiled as she called out to her sons, they really were a wonderful family.

Walking back into Jane's room she hesitated before sitting down next to her on the bed. She needed to feel Jane against her but with the wires and the IV she didn't dare get any closer. Taking Jane's hand in hers she brought it to the side of her face. "Jane I know you can hear me, at least I hope you can, I need you. Don't you understand, I'm incomplete without you."

Pulling the letter out of her pocket she just shook her head. How could Jane write something so final? She wanted to be angry but she couldn't be. She thought about the previous night and how she had slapped Jane and gasped. "Oh my God…" Could she have contributed to this? She didn't hit her that hard, but she had hit her. Maura squeezed Jane's hand involuntarily and was surprised when she squeezed back.

Shocked she looked down into the eyes she had fallen in love with. Maura was struck once again by that gaze and all it promised. But was she still her Jane? Were they in time?

Jane stared at her trying desperately to form words. They were in her head, she knew they were but she couldn't say them. A tear escaped the corner of her eye as frustration overwhelmed her. Maura…she could say…

"Maura…" the fierce kiss she received surprised her. She didn't know why she was laying in a bed looking up at the woman she loved. The dream she'd had was so real it terrified her. The pain she felt in the dream…she had wanted to let it win. She didn't want to feel that anymore. Now…

Maura released her lips and brought Jane's hand up to her face again.

"Jane…" she didn't want to cry, didn't want to upset her but she felt overwhelmed and words for once, failed her.

"Dr…drink…" Jane's throat was raw and she could only begin to guess why as she took in her surroundings. She was in the hospital, again. Looking at Maura's back she tried to take in more of the room but the movement caused a wave of dizziness and pain that she was unprepared for.

Maura poured a bit of water over some ice chips and grimaced when she heard Jane groan behind her.

"Don't try to move just yet, please Jane." She raised the bed a bit so that Jane could take the water in but put a hand on her chest when she tried moving again.

"Don't." She pressed the call button to alert the nurse that Jane had woken.

"Hap…happen?" Jane bit down softly on her bottom lip. Her mind felt jumbled, scrambled. She wasn't sure if she used the right word and it frustrated her but she tried to stay focused on her constant, Maura.

"Sh…" kissing her again, she took advantage of whatever contact she could have right now. Maura's mind burned with questions, but until they knew the extent of any damage that might have been done, she would bottle them up. She knew time was short and unpredictable but she refused to leave her lover's side for the foreseeable future. The yearning in Jane's eyes pulled at her. Jane had questions, but she didn't know how much she should answer or if she should wait for the doctor, but Jane was tiring, quickly.

She brushed her hand across Jane's forehead and took a deep breath, "Your headaches…do you remember?"

Jane remembered pain, a lot of pain and she remembered Maura.

She nodded, barely, "hurt…lot"

Maura swallowed realizing that Jane had yet to string thoughts together properly. She hoped desperately that this was just a setback and not anything permanent, for Jane's sake.

The nurse made her appearance then and Maura backed away as Jane's vitals were taken. She took the time to text Angela and let her know that Jane was awake.

"Dr Isles, I'll contact her doctor, he should be here shortly, keep talking to her please."

Nodding, Maura turned her attention back to Jane who had closed her eyes again. "Jane?"

Jane smiled as she heard Maura's voice. The sound of it made her feel calm. Opening her eyes she saw the concern in her eyes.

"Ok?"

"Yes Jane, I'm fine." Distracted she put her hand in the pocket that held the ring. Her ring. She had so many questions. But not now.

"Maura? Am ok?" Jane's voice cracked as she realized herself what she was asking. She felt off, fuzzy, disconnected. Her only constant was Maura.

"Jane let's wait for the doctor to examine you alright?" Maura spoke softly, soothingly. She glanced at the monitors that showed Jane's anxiety. "Shh…I don't want you to get worked up, please Jane."

"K" Jane was scared. Maura wasn't answering her and she wanted to know, she needed to know. Her agitation was reflected in the beating of the monitors she was attached to.

"Jane please…" Maura leaned over and brushed her hair back, "just try to relax please,"

"Yes detective," Jane's doctor strode in and took in what was going on. He needed his patient to remain calm but he also knew his patient and answers were all that might calm her besides the woman standing beside her.

"Jane you need to listen to Maura, just breathe, let me do my assessment and I will try to give you some answers, agreed?" He hoped she understood enough of what he was telling her.

Jane looked at Maura who nodded and gripped her hand. She needed Jane to agree, to calm herself, to be with her.

With a deep shuddering breath, Jane spoke softly, "k."

**No cliffhanger this time…right? **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: You all absolutely tickle me. Thank you. Your reviews truly make me smile, even comments like "I got you in the mother f*****n feels" by Bambibelle84. Tickles me. I'm glad that I've been able to write something that you can all feel. That was my intent but it still overwhelms me, so thank you. Your humble bard, Honorcpt.**

"So?" Jane had fallen asleep almost immediately after the doctor's assessment, frustrated and angry with herself. The doctor had to stop a number of times to allow Maura to calm her.

"Maura it's hard to say right now. Its obvious there's been a setback and that was to be expected, but her attitude seems different this time."

Maura nodded. She heard him clearly. Jane was angry, not with her but with everything and it appeared, everyone else. Her speech was definitely impaired and it upset her to see how Jane was this time.

Clearing her throat, "what do we do?"

"Encourage her, talk to her read to her. Don't let her give up. Help her use the anger she's feeling. Push her." The doctor considered the woman in front of him and saw her not as a doctor but as his patient's loved one. "It truly is up to her now. You can't let her give up on herself."

He was extremely concerned about Jane. A patient in Jane's position often could do more for himself or herself, than he could ever do for them. At this point though he did not see Jane recovering to the point that she had gotten to before the emergency surgery without help.

Maura tapped her foot nervously as she considered his words. She heard him loud and clear and it scared her to death.

"Thank you doctor." It was up to Jane, simple as that. Maura looked at the closed door and knew that her future lay through it. She was absolutely determined to make sure that Jane fought for herself as she had before and if it took some tough love, then so be it.

She stood there lost in thought until Angela came back with the boys. Angela's concern grew when she saw the look on Maura's face.

"What happened? Did Janie wake up? Is everything okay? She's okay right?" Stunned by the barrage of rapid-fire questions Maura could only stare.

"Ma, slow down will ya?" Tommy turned to Maura. "Did she? Wake up I mean?"

"She did." He heard the hesitation in her voice and frowned.

"And?" he prompted.

"And we have our work cut out for us." Seeing their confusion she continued. "The doctor did his assessment while she was awake and she was confused obviously, but angry. Angry at her inability to communicate well."

"But she was like that before, right?" Frankie looked from his mom to Maura.

"Not exactly, she was frustrated the last time, this time it…its more Frankie. Like she's fed up, tired. They all heard the anxiety in her voice.

"Tired? No, that's not my Janie. Angry yes, I mean who wouldn't be?" She gave Maura a hug. "Don't worry honey, we are not about to let Jane get away from us. Rizzolis don't give up. Unless their first name is Frank." Smiling at the dig at her ex-husband she saw the grins on her boys' faces and a shocked smile on Maura's.

"Angela I…"

"You don't have to say anything Maura. We're a family, all of us" she said pointedly. "That engagement ring told me an awful lot about where Jane's head was at before this setback and its up to us to get her back there."

Maura opened her mouth to object but realized the futility when she saw the look in the older woman's face. _"Oh Jane…you are going to have your hands full if you give your mother any problems."_

She felt some of her fear ease, realizing she wasn't alone.

"Thank you, all of you." She found herself being pulled into a family hug.

"We have to get her back on her feet, I have a wedding to plan!" Angela chortled at the idea while her sons groaned realizing what that meant for them. Maura let Angela's words flow through her. She had hope for her daughter, for them as a couple and Maura was not about to let Jane give up on that.

**Xxxxxxxxx**

It was four a.m. before Jane woke up again. When she opened her eyes she was grateful to be able to see clearly and looked around the room. Except for the sound of the machines it was quiet. She didn't feel as scrambled as she did before but she was still confused. The head of the bed was raised so she had a good view of the room.

A soft sound made her look off to one side, there she saw Tommy, curled up on a chair that did not fit his frame in the least, he was snoring. She smiled at the sight. Jane could remember him doing that as a child. Before he could get in trouble for being up late, she would carry him up to his bed. She remembered that, she remembered him. Eyes closed she said a silent prayer, she remembered her brother. She had felt so much anger earlier it scared her. She didn't understand it and she couldn't control it.

Laying in the quiet she started testing out her limbs. Except for the IV running into her right arm, she was able to move those fairly freely. It was tiring, but rewarding.

She could move her head and the pain there was down to a dull roar. "Thank God" she did not want a repeat of the pain that landed her here.

Moving on down along her body she tried to move her legs and adjust herself in bed and felt a moment of panic when she couldn't move. Looking down at them she saw why. Maura was in the other chair; her upper body sprawled across Jane's legs. Her hair fanned out in stark contrast to the white blanket covering Jane. She was sleeping as soundly as Tommy.

Grabbing her sheets she felt a surge of anger. Maura should be in her own bed. Sleeping comfortably, restfully, not sprawled across a hospital bed waiting for her.

"I so don't…deserve you Maura" her whispered words could barely be heard.

Reaching out she was just able to just reach Maura's head.

Words failed her. She stroked Maura's hair gently, reveling in the feel. She couldn't stop feeling angry about all that had happened, but just touching Maura, knowing she was here, soothed her in a way she didn't think possible. Focusing on Maura helped her focus her own thoughts and fears. She could feel the throbbing in her head and her thoughts were still muddled. Knowing Maura and her family were by her side though…

Maura opened her eyes and waited, she thought she had heard Jane. Closing them back again she felt fingers in her hair and smiled. Jane did this whenever they were in bed. It was a little thing that always soothed Jane, truthfully it soothed them both. She bit her bottom lip trying not to move, not wanting it to stop.

Jane felt Maura's slight movement beneath her fingers, "Maura?" her raspy voice a whisper.

Maura turned her head and sat up mindful of the pain in her lower back. Jane's hand fell away from her hair and back onto the bed.

"Hi" That one word was enough for Jane's walls to come crashing down.

"I'm sorry Maur…" Jane sobbed the words as she realized what she was putting this woman through and still she stayed. "Should have…" her voice was hoarse and full of tears. Maura's finger silenced her.

"Shh…no regrets Jane, I want to move forward with you in my life," Maura leaned in whispering to her, "In sickness and in health, till death do us part, as long as we both shall live."

Jane's eyes widened at the words and she blinked and looked at what Maura was wearing.

"That's jacket?" She cringed as she heard herself and concentrated, "That's my jacket?" she repeated.

Maura smiled demurely and kissed her tenderly. "Yes Detective, you have a lot of explaining to do."

Jane could only stare at her. She felt out of control. This wasn't happening, she had meant to give the ring to Maura when she finally returned to work. When she, Jane Rizzoli, could be who she was before the shooting. Frankie had helped her pick it out after the dinner at Maura's and she had been carrying it around ever since. She had been so close. But Doyle, the headaches, and their blowup…she had pulled it out that night while she wrote her letter to Maura. Now…

"You…you read letter?" Maura could only nod. She wasn't ready to discuss that just yet. Her main focus right now was to get Jane to fight for herself. There would be time enough for that. She would make sure of it.

Pensive Jane looked into her eyes and saw no recrimination, no anger, only hope. She remembered most of what she wrote, but not all, if Maura wasn't going to say more, she wouldn't. She didn't trust herself to say the right thing. Her brain still felt jumbled.

Maura watched as Jane's face expressed the thoughts going through her head.

"Don't think about that right now, please." Maura didn't want Jane to stress. She was keeping an eye on the monitors while they spoke. "How are you feeling?" She glanced at Tommy still asleep in the chair and kept her voice low.

"Tired…" Jane could feel sleep tugging at her again but she fought it. She wanted to keep talking to Maura. She wanted to hear her voice.

"Then sleep, please," Maura didn't want her to go to sleep but that was selfish of her, she wanted Jane to heal, she needed Jane to heal.

"Don't…" Jane fought against the exhaustion and medication.

Stroking her brow, Maura kissed her tenderly, "Shh…sleep, I'll be here." She watched her lovers eyes flutter close and released the breath she had been holding.

Jane was remembering, she was still a bit confused, but she didn't seem as angry as before. Maura rubbed her at her eyes fatigue taking over. She kept remembering Jane's poem to her and the last stanza, she knew what it meant even more now.

"_Pain reminds us that we breathe,_

_Angst reminds us why we cry,_

_Loss reminds us what we yearn for,_

_Love is why we don't die."_

She remembered clearly the circumstances that led up to Jane writing that and now it was up to Maura to remind her. It was just going on 4:30. The nurses would be in soon to take Jane's vitals and the day would start again. She smiled though. Jane had sounded more like herself. She was determined not to let her give up on herself. A tear rolled down her face and as she wiped it, she realized it was a tear of happiness. Even though she knew it was physically impossible Maura knew her heart swelled when she quoted wedding vows to Jane. The look on her face had been worth it. Her doctor had said not to hold back and she wouldn't. She pulled out the ring and admired it again. She wanted desperately to try it on but she wouldn't. She would wait for Jane.

She stifled a nervous giggle as she realized that while she hadn't consciously thought of marriage, the idea that Jane would want to propose to her made her feel like a clichéd lovesick school girl. The ring was truly breathtaking.

"Jane Rizzoli there are still so many things I don't know about you but I want to spend the rest of my life discovering what those things are."

**Told you, faith…It can move mountains you know…**

**The one shameless plug I will make. This story, and another by me have been nominated for a Rizzles Fanfic Award. I believe I am also there for best crossover, author, original character…hmm I think that's it. Voting ends 9/30/12, so if you haven't voted please do. There are a lot of wonderful writers and stories nominated.**

rizzlesfanawards . wordpress vote /


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Wow, just wow. over 400 reviews and Rizzles Fan Awards winner for Best post Season 2 finale and Best angst/drama. All I can say is thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You guys rock truly...I hope this doesn't disappoint...**

Jane looked in the mirror and grimaced at the sight of the ugly scar behind her ear. She had asked one of the nurses to get her a smaller mirror so she could get a good look at it in the bathroom mirror. Thankful for her full head of hair, she was able to cover up the patch that was just starting to grow back in. It was an ugly constant reminder of how life could change in an instant.

Pulling her hair forward a bit she covered it up again. She had gotten angry when she woke up to find Maura stroking her hair around that ugly scar. It was irrational but she felt ashamed. Ashamed that Maura was in love with someone covered in scars, inside and out. With a deep sigh she eyed herself in the mirror.

"Man up Rizzoli. She loves you, regardless." She was going home today, to Maura's. Two stinking weeks in the hospital had been more than enough, but the doctors were taking no chances. They had run every test under the sun to insure that what had happened, wouldn't again. "At least not till she stroked out when she got older," she thought sarcastically.

The two weeks had been rough though. Her moods had run the gamut from bleak and hopeless, to angry and determined. In all that time, Maura had been by her side. But boy had they battled. Maura seemed to have discovered something within herself this time around because she refused to cut Jane any slack.

Jane smiled as she remembered the look on Maura's face when they had argued about the scar. She deserved the tongue-lashing she got from her. Her mother's laughter from the doorway didn't do anything to improve her mood but when she had lashed out at her mother, Maura had made her ratchet herself back.

"_Jane Rizzoli! You will not speak to your mother that way just for laughing. Do you prefer that she cry over you? Be grateful she hasn't turned you over her knee for your behavior." Arms crossed Maura had glared at her, fed up with Jane's attitude toward her mother. Jane had burst out laughing and enveloped her in a fierce hug. Maura's shock at that had made her laugh even harder._

Jane had found someone who would truly be her partner in life, could give as good as she got. She will always believe she didn't deserve her, but she was oh so grateful for her.

She was still having trouble with her speech which was a huge source of frustration and anger for her but there Maura had been the embodiment of patience as had everyone else. Her therapist had told her what she had to do to continue improving. "Baby steps" She was so friggin tired of baby steps.

Her sessions would be three times a week for the next two weeks at least. At the hospital it had been daily which she knew was the only reason she was going home at all. She hadn't experienced a headache in almost a week which according to the doctor was a very good sign. Jane still had to take it easy for the time being and she was going to have to pass a stress test before being cleared medically, which likely wouldn't happen for at least another month.

Eyeing her reflection, "You are a lucky woman Jane Rizzoli."

"You certainly are sis." Frankie stood there with a twinkle in his eye, tickled at having caught his sister talking to herself.

"Hey!" She pulled him into a fierce hug and punched him in the arm. He and Tommy both had been beyond patient with her which surprised her but when they had seen how tough Maura was being, they both decided to lay off her for a bit. At least until she got out of the hospital. That pact ended today.

"What are you doing?" He could see that Jane wasn't dressed yet and looking at the small mirror on the counter he figured he was better off asking.

Embarassed she cast her eyes down "lookingatmyscar…"

"What?" Puzzled eyes considered the woman in front of him. He didn't understand a word.

Walking past him she sat on the edge of the bed, "I was looking at my scar." She spoke deliberately, making sure she didn't miss a word.

"Jane…"

"I know its just…it bothers me Frankie." Embarrassed she brushed past him. She was surprised Maura wasn't here yet and that Frankie was. "Where's Maura?"

"Oh sorry, she sent me with your clothes, said she would be here in a little bit." Seeing Jane the question in Jane's eyes, "she had to go into work for a little bit. Apparently Dr. Pike screwed something up."

Jane rolled her eyes. Pike was semi competent as a medical examiner, with the emphasis on semi. She was worried about Maura though. She was burning the candle at both ends being there with Jane, going in to work when they needed her, dealing with all the Rizzolis …

"She needs a break Frankie…"

"She's okay Jane." Frankie took a seat and looked at his sister. "She's taking some time off..."

"She's taking time off for me Frankie, not her." Jane bit her lip, "She deserves better."

"Don't you dare!" He stood up to face her, "She _has_ better, she has you. Janie you didn't see her when she pulled that ring out of your jacket pocket. That woman is in love with you Jane, don't fight it. Accept it and hell enjoy it. You bought that ring wanting to marry her. What's different?"

Jane contemplated his words, what was different? She was. The doctor was cautiously optimistic about her being able to return to work. But what if she couldn't? She still had to pass the department physical, the psych eval, she had to requalify and she had to pass the department agility test. They couldn't afford for her to be a medical liability and that's all she felt like right now, a liability to everyone. Maura included.

"Frankie, what…what if I can't be a cop anymore? Maura fell in love with Detective Rizzoli, not plain Jane."

Shaking his head he pulled her into his arms. "Dammit sis you are the most stubborn person I know. I don't have any doubt that you'll be going back to work. And even if you don't, Maura loves you for you, don't you know that?"

The doubts that ran through her head were defeatist in nature and she knew that but she was scared, plain and simple. Maura didn't sign up for this. No one would. She stared at the scars on her hands. Maura was the first person she let touch them. The first person she ever trusted to not judge her by them. Taking a deep breath she let it out slowly and looked at her brother.

"Thanks Frankie…"

"Anytime sis, listen I gotta go but Maura shouldn't be long." He smiled at her, "Have faith Jane, Maura does and so do we."

Jane picked up the clothes he left for her and appreciated the choices Maura had made, simple jeans and one of her jerseys. Heading to the bathroom again the room tilted when she moved to quickly. Grumbling under her breath she knew this was expected but hated the way it made her feel. Trying to slam the bathroom door she grew increasingly frustrated when she realized the hinge wouldn't allow for her to do that.

"Dammit! I can't even get angry the way I want!"

Throwing the clothes on the counter she started stripping off the pajamas she had on, she would be home in a little while and she had a heavy bag waiting with her name on it.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Maura finished talking with Jane's doctor and headed to her room. The meeting with Dr. Pike had taken her longer than she expected and Jane had been ready to go discharge in hand for over an hour. Unfortunately for Maura, Jane was apparently "in a mood" according to her doctor, having had to wait and had bitten her nurse's head off when she had gone in to check on her. Jane's doctor had intercepted Maura and briefed her.

Sighing, she wondered if the little welcome home party Angela was determined to have today was a good idea after all, especially if Jane was in a mood. The mood changes she knew were a direct result of the second surgery and while they were fewer than they had been initially, it had been a difficult two weeks. The doctor assured her though that they should diminish over time. She hoped.

Knocking quietly she let herself into Jane's room. She was lying on her side in the clothes that Maura had sent with Frankie. She was asleep, but Maura could tell she was dreaming. She had a half smile on her face.

"Jane…" Maura whispered into her ear.

"Mmm…Maura? Hey, late!" Rolling her eyes she sat up and tried again, "You're late." Maura smiled indulgently at her. She didn't seem upset, just questioning and a little sad.

Giving her a quick kiss she sat on the bed next to her. "I'm sorry, I got caught up at work, but I'm here now." Tilting her head to one side, "What's wrong?"

Jane thought about her conversation with Frankie and how she and Maura had avoided discussing Jane's letter since she had woken up. It was like this scare had amplified every doubt she ever had about her relationship with Maura.

Maura knew about her conversation with Frankie. He had texted her just after he left Jane to let her know. She didn't know what she could do to assuage Jane's fears. She had her own as well, having almost lost Jane twice in such a short period of time.

Jane turned to face her and found her answers. Maura's eyes reflected a love that couldn't possibly exist, it shouldn't and yet there it was. Maura truly was her constant. God they still had so far to go, so much to discuss and yet when she looked into Maura's eyes she didn't feel any uncertainty at all, just hope.

Leaning in she reached behind Maura head and pulled her close. The kiss was more than passion it was an exploration of what they had. Jane would never feel worthy enough of someone like Maura, in the same way that Maura would never feel like she was worthy of Jane and in that self-doubt they had found each other. Jane's kiss explored every part of Maura's soul in that moment and she felt herself laid bare. Maura had never been kissed that way before and when Jane pulled away she heard herself moan at the loss of contact. Resting her forehead against Maura's, Jane felt grounded again if only for a little while. She didn't know what possessed her to kiss Maura like that but if she could, she wouldn't stop, ever.

"Like I said, you never cease to amaze me." Maura's words were breathless and she tenderly kissed the tears that had escaped Jane and rolled down her cheeks.

Jane felt the pressure in her chest that had been building, release. "I love you Maura." Jane's raspy voice sent a shiver up Maura's back.

"I know you do, I love you too."

Jane swallowed thickly, Frankie had reminded her very clearly about her feelings for Maura and she needed to get this out, she just prayed she could string it together correctly.

"Maura Isles I want a future with you. I need a future with you and by now hoped to be able to ask to marry you…" she was nervous, and she knew she was dropping words but she pushed on, "I may not be person you fell in love with but am the person who loves you…Will you marry me?"

Jane had never been more sure of anything in her life. Her doubts were there but they were about her not Maura. Frankie made her realize that.

Maura could only stare at her. Never, not once did she consider this proposal coming now, or anytime soon and she could only stare at her dumbstruck.

Jane could see the shock on Maura's face and understood it. Her recovery was going to take time. Getting back to work was a maybe, but Maura was the only thing she was sure of.

"Maura, life is…" taking Maura's hand she placed it over her beating heart. "No more chances, no more what ifs…I want now…I want you…"


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I truly didn't mean to leave it the way I did last chapter…at least consciously I didn't…anyway, I hope you all continue to enjoy this journey. This was originally intended to be only about 10 chapters. It is longer because of you, the reader. But, keep in mind it can't go on forever. I do have an ending in mind but I would like to continue this story at least until the last 5 episodes of Season 3 premiere. Who knows...they (Janet Tamaro and TNT) may give me fuel for a new Post Season 3 finale fanfic. I seem to be making a habit of those. As always, your humble bard, Honorcpt.**

Maura stared into Jane's eyes, shocked. She not only heard Jane's words, she felt them to the depth of her soul. "Life is…" Jane had mentioned that in her letter. A letter they had as yet to discuss.

Swallowing Maura looked at her hand against Jane's chest and felt her heart beating beneath her fingers. Just a few weeks ago she lamented ever having the chance to feel that again, to reassure herself that Jane was alive. And now here she was asking for a future. Maura knew that Jane was confused and doubted herself but she was taking a chance, on her.

Maura promised herself that if Jane survived she would be there for her regardless, and an Isles kept their word. Besides, this was the life she wanted, the future she wanted, and the woman she wanted. Jane, her Jane.

Jane looked into her eyes and felt Maura's shock. Maybe she shouldn't have done this now. Maybe she should have waited.

Maura felt Jane pull away from her and grabbed her shirt pulling Jane closer to her. "Yes," she whispered fervently. Crushing Jane's lips with her own she punctuated her response with a kiss that took Jane's breath away. It was numbing, crushing and so full of emotion it was overwhelming.

When Maura released her lips Jane could only stare, "Yes?" the question was hopeful.

Maura's happy nod made her heart sing, "Yes Jane…I want to be your wife, I want you to be mine."

Their embrace felt like it could go on forever. Jane reveled in Maura's scent, realizing how much she missed just holding her, feeling her.

Maura heard her sigh, "Okay?"

Jane cleared her throat not trusting herself to speak, "very okay. Can…Can go home?"

"We most certainly can go home."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Jane sat back in her recliner with her eyes closed and listened to the voices around her. Her mother's surprise welcome home party, hadn't been a surprise because thankfully Maura had told her about it before they got to the house. Everyone seemed so happy to see her up and about that she felt guilty about wanting them all to leave. She wanted some alone time with Maura, here, in their home and not in a hospital room. She was exhausted though. You wouldn't think just getting up, a being released from a hospital could exhaust a person but she had felt the exhaustion creep in as soon as Maura had said yes to her proposal. The sense of relief that had filled her had been overwhelming. Opening one eye she looked over at her brother. Frankie had always been plainspoken and the talking to he had given her was something she would always be grateful for.

She heard Maura say goodnight to Korsak and Frost and opened her eyes. She was startled to find her mother standing over her, staring.

"Dammit Ma! Almost gave me heart attack." Cursing herself she realized she dropped a word again. Lord but she had to work on that. Hand on her chest she looked at her mother.

"I'm sorry honey, I didn't mean to scare you, I thought you were sleeping."

"Resting eyes, tired." Jane leaned back again. She watched as Maura approached and put an arm around her mother's shoulders.

"Maybe we should let Jane rest Angela. The doctor said she wasn't to overdo it."

"Hmm…oh…oh yes of course, I'm sorry honey." Angela reached for one of her bowls and smacked Tommy on the shoulder. "Come on!"

"What?" Rubbing his shoulder he looked at the others. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to leave our sister to rest. I'm sure Maura wouldn't mind some rest either after dealing with Pike this morning." Frankie smiled at her and winked at his sister before walking toward the door. He knew they had a lot to talk about. Jane had told him thank you earlier so he hoped that she had talked to Maura finally.

Jane smiled as Frankie ushered them all out to the guest house and breathed a sigh of relief. She was tired and she could feel the lightest of headaches coming on but she knew that was just her body telling her to slow down.

She didn't realize she had drifted off until she felt a whisper of lips on hers. "Hey." Squinting Jane looked up at her

"Hey yourself…feeling alright?" Maura's concern was more than apparent; it had been a long day for Jane.

"Fine Maura." She was happy everyone was gone. While she appreciated the sentiment, she really was tired and after what she had proposed to Maura earlier, she wanted to be able to finalize it. She made to get up out of the recliner but was held back by a hand against her chest.

"Rest, while I clean up, please."

"Will," she gently removed Maura's hand and stood smiling quirkily when the room tilted. Seeing Maura's look, "I'm okay really. Have to ask something, make it official." Jane dropped to one knee and pulled out the small box that Maura had kept in Jane's jacket. Jane had taken it when she had gone to the bathroom. She was determined to this the right way.

"Maura Isles will you…"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Maura dropped to her knees and punctuated each yes with a kiss. She was happy without the ring but she knew how much it meant to Jane to give it to her. She never really appreciated this romantic side of Jane.

Thrown off balance Jane fell on her backside laughing. She wasn't unsure, she had no doubts, in this moment she had her happiness, she had Maura.

"I'm sorry Jane." Maura tried to help her and was shocked when Jane pulled her down next to her.

"Love you Maura. You make smile, you make me laugh and you don't put up with my crap."

"Language Jane."

Laughing, Jane hugged her tightly, "see, no crap"

Maura enjoyed the moment with her knowing that these moments had been few and far between lately.

Jane knew exactly how much she had put Maura through and truth be told she thought Maura was stronger than she could ever be.

Standing up, Maura pulled Jane up with her. "Come on, its bed for you detective…"

Shaking her head sadly Jane disagreed, "Jane…Just Jane, Maura. Not detective." Her mood having done a 180 -degree shift Maura kicked herself for bringing that up.

"You are still Detective Jane Rizzoli until BPD says otherwise. I know you Jane, you won't let this stop you from being who you are."

"What if I'm not who I was?" She said it quietly and Maura felt her fear. That she was less than what she had been. Jane defined herself by her job. Without it…

"You are more than who you were Jane, don't you see that?" Taking Jane's face in her hands she made her look at her. "This…all of this has been for a reason Jane. I…" Letting her go she turned away. She truly wasn't a woman of faith but everything that had happened had served to reaffirm Maura's beliefs, even if they weren't traditional. One thing she knew for certain was that Jane Rizzoli was not done in this world. Not done with her. She knew what the odds had been against Jane even making this much progress. It was a testament to Jane and the care she had received that she had recovered so much.

Jane watched the woman who had been so sure of herself struggle for the right words to reassure her.

"Try…I'll try to see bright side Maura, will, promise." Jane didn't want to upset Maura, not now. "I'm sorry."

Maura realized where Jane's mind was going and refused to let her go there. "Oh Jane you don't have anything to be sorry about. We will get through this, together."

"Come on, bed…you have meds to take and I have cleaning to do."

Jane smiled at her future wife, "Yes Ma'am."

**xxxxxXXXXXXX**

Maura didn't know what woke her. A sound? A movement? Hearing a moan she rolled over toward Jane. She could tell Jane was in the throes of a nightmare. Her hands pulled at the sheets as she writhed under them.

Not sure if she should wake her, Maura was startled to hear her name.

"No Maura…no…" Jane was crying in her sleep. Maura couldn't let it go on.

"Jane…Jane honey wake up please...I'm here, its Maura" she shook her gently, worried when she wouldn't wake.

Maura had left her. She couldn't be a police officer anymore and Maura's words had cut her deeply. "_I fell in love with Detective Rizzoli, not Just Jane. You were barely good enough before, now?"_ Turning her back on her Maura walked away bag in hand. Jane felt the loss, the hurt, the emptiness and she cried.

"Jane please…" Maura shook her harder and was rewarded when Jane's eyes fixed on hers. She could see the confusion in her tear filled eyes.

"You left…" Jane's voice was hoarse and filled with emotion and pain. "I couldn't…you wouldn't…"

Maura took Jane in her arms and rocked her gently. It was usually the other way around but Maura was thankful to be able to comfort Jane. She whispered to Jane trying to ease her mind and her soul. It took a little while but Jane finally relaxed enough to fall asleep again.

Looking up at the ceiling, Maura couldn't believe the burden that Jane was carrying around and she vowed to do what she could to ease that burden. She would never leave Jane and she would do everything in her power to reassure her of that. She knew she would need the Rizzoli's help and at least Korsak and Frost. She had every intention of marrying this woman, fears be damned. Making a mental list of things to do, she drifted off to sleep; Jane nestled safely in her arms.

**Hope that didn't disappoint…see you next chapter…off to work on Fear, Pick a Target and Damage Control **


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hope you are all still with me, enjoy…**

Jane watched the swinging bag with fascination. She enjoyed _this_ part of her therapy. When she was allowed to just be herself. Beating on the heavy bag in Maura's garage she counted the days since her meeting with Doyle. Forty-three, a month and a half since she had suffered the blinding headache that almost killed her. She listened for what she thought was Maura's car and continued her punching combinations on the bag. Jane still hadn't worked up to kicking the bag yet because her balance was still a little off, the last thing she needed was to fall, Maura would kill her.

Wiping the sweat from her forehead she smiled. This felt good. She was actually responding much more quickly this time around which her doctor was very happy about. She was too. She was surprised actually. It had taken almost a week after she got home before she had been able to stay awake for most of the day. Maura had said it was her body's way of healing itself. It annoyed her to no end. The exhaustion would wash over her unexpectedly and she would find herself waking up covered with a blanket on her recliner, the couch, the bed, wherever she happened to crash. Shaking her head she chuckled, Maura was always covering her up. Grabbing her watch she looked at the time, Maura should be back shortly. She had gone to the store to pick up some things for dinner and now that she thought about it, she was surprised that Maura hadn't called her mother over to "watch" her. This was the first time she was being left alone. Jane thought again about her nightmares and felt the frustration grow inside her. The doubts that she harbored about Maura leaving had nothing to do with Maura's love for her. The doubts had more to do with who Jane would be when the doctors finally gave her the all clear to try to get back to work. Thankfully she had passed one major hurdle with her doctor and she was finally being allowed to physically exert herself.

Sighing she grabbed her towel and wiped her forehead looking around the garage. Maura had helped make it Jane's; her heavy bag was there, her weights, her ratty chair for when she was too tired to continue. Even a little refrigerator. It was perfect. She turned off her iPod and walked toward the kitchen door hoping to shower before Maura got back when she stopped short. Her journal. She hadn't looked at it or thought about it since before her meeting with Doyle. She hadn't written at all in two days and the urge to fill in some of the blanks overwhelmed her. With a weary stride she walked over to the holiday decorations and reached behind the boxes. No journal.

"What the hell?" Pulling the boxes out she searched more carefully. Still nothing. Frustrated she looked around the garage and was surprised to see her journal on the shelf by the door. Realizing Maura must have moved it she reached for it wondering why. Flipping through the pages it was easy to see why. Maura had taken the time to read through it and fill in the blanks. She had added snippets to Jane's journal entries, especially those that were lacking substance. It was part of what she hated more than anything else, what she had lost. She had a vague recollection of some things but there were little pieces missing. Maura had taken the time to fill it in for her.

"Wow Maur…" Jane sat in the chair and turned one page after another, Jane read through her times with Maura, embellished with the extra notes that Maura had put in. She was lost in the memories of what she was reading when Maura got back.

"Jane…Jane!" Maura looked in the bedroom and felt a flare of panic when she couldn't find her. Opening the door to the garage she watched quietly as Jane read through her journal. Smiling she leaned against the doorframe watching the emotions that washed over Jane's face. She _had_ made the right decision. When she had first read about the journal in Jane's letter she had put it out of her mind until Jane had come home. After her proposal and the nightmare Jane had on her first night home, it had occurred to her that filling in the blanks could only help. Jane needed to remember who she was and Maura hoped it would help. Watching Jane sitting there smiling at what she was reading she knew it had.

Maura shook her head when she saw Jane wipe a tear. That was enough. "Jane?" Maura approached her and was surprised by the hug Jane gave her. She couldn't believe it. It had been a rough couple of weeks and her nightmares hadn't made their lives any easier but somewhere, somehow, Maura had taken the time to do this for her.

"Thank you Maur…" Jane whispered earnestly in her ear.

"You're welcome" Smiling Maura reached up and kissed her, her fingers running gently over the scar behind Jane's ear. "Good workout?" She wrinkled her nose at her.

Laughing Jane pulled back realizing what she must smell like, "Great workout. What made you do this?"

"You, I wanted you to know all of it, I thought it would help." Wiping a tear from her face, she led Jane into the kitchen and made her sit. She poured her a glass of ice water and passed her a handful of grapes from the refrigerator.

Jane ate the grapes without question as she watched Maura putter around the kitchen. She didn't know how she had gotten so lucky. She glanced at the journal on the counter. Maura had taken great pains to fill in the blanks for Jane. She wasn't sure how to repay her. Getting up, Jane came up behind Maura and hugged her, leaning down and kissing the back of her neck.

Maura almost dropped the plate she had pulled out when Jane kissed her. She could feel her body shake at Jane's touch. It had been a while. Maura let herself lean back into Jane's embrace as she continued to kiss her.

"Jane…" Maura's made the attempt to warn her off but the moan that escaped her when Jane nibbled her ear almost sent her over the edge.

Jane felt Maura's body react and could feel her own heart pounding in her chest. She had gotten the all clear for this at her last appointment two days ago but they had done nothing, until now.

"Maura please, let me have this…let me have you…" Jane turned her around and kissed her, gently at first until she felt Maura relax in her arms. Her kiss deepened, until their arousal overcame them both.

"Jane…"  
"Bedroom…" Jane pulled her by the hand and led her into their bedroom. She slowly undressed Maura, kissing her as she removed each article of clothing. Slipping Maura's shirt off her shoulders Jane kissed her along her collarbone, nibbling here and there. As she pulled at the sleeve Jane traced a tongue down Maura's arm before kissing her palm. Smiling at the shudder that rocked Maura's body, Jane felt empowered.

Her hands went to Maura's waistband where she undid the fastener shushing Maura's whimper as she traced a hand along Maura's bikini line. She teased, and she touched but she left her wanting more. Pushing her back on the bed, Jane slowly pulled off the t-shirt she was wearing. Standing there in only a sports bra and shorts, Maura was stunned by how beautiful Jane was. This was Jane, her Jane, alive and whole.

Jane paused for a second to take Maura in. She felt better than she had in some time. Her head wasn't hurting and her body was throbbing with want. Maura was her life now and what she had done with her journal spoke volumes to Jane about how much she cared for her. She had given Jane so much, now it was Jane's turn.

Settling herself on the bed Jane surprised Maura with a bruising kiss. Smiling lecherously "Now I get to say thank you…"

**I know I could have elaborated…I know some of you wanted me to, but that's not exactly what this story is about now is it? **


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I haven't forgotten you all…I've just been working on my original work and trying to work on my fanfic in between..I have a number of stories going at the same time so I need to alternate..this chapter is longer than most…I hope you continue to enjoy...**

Jane stared up at the fan as it spun and thought about her life. Somewhere, somehow, she had grown up. She never thought she could be in a mature relationship with anyone much less a woman but Maura had opened up the world to her. Maura had helped her see what she was truly capable of and she knew consciously that if she wasn't able to go back to work that Maura would still be there.

Rolling over she looked on as Maura slept peacefully. This was the first time Jane had seriously thought about what she would do with her life if she couldn't be Detective Rizzoli again. She could always be a P.I., or even a consultant. There were plenty of things she could do but only one that she truly wanted to do.

Running a hand down Maura's arm she thought about the journal, and what Maura had done for her. She could never thank her enough. Though she'd tried tonight. Jane smiled as she remembered Maura's reaction to her touch. She hated the emotional seesaw she seemed to be on some days but today…today had been good.

"Are you okay Jane?" Maura's voice, husky with sleep surprised her. Looking into hazel eyes she smiled.

"I'm fine Maura, thanks to you." She kissed her softly and pulled her into her chest. She snuggled into her and smiled.

"We fit perfectly…" Maura muttered half asleep.

"We do Maura, we do."

**Xxxxxxxxx**

Maura looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. Jane had been in with the psychologist for over an hour now and quite frankly she was worried.

She had fought coming here but Maura wasn't having it any longer. Jane had made wonderful strides physically since their night together, but she was still having nightmares and they were seriously impacting her mood, even with Maura.

The last straw had been a few nights ago when the violence in her nightmare had transmuted into actual violence. Rubbing absently at her cheek Maura knew that it was only because she had struck Maura in her sleep that Jane was seeing the therapist at all.

Her medical doctor had refused to sign off on her request to go back to work believing it to be too soon. That had been eight days ago and Jane had gone downhill emotionally from there.

Maura had taken it upon herself to find a new therapist for Jane, one who would actually understand some of the issues that Jane was dealing with and she had found it with Dr. Alex Gale. She worked with female soldiers and victims of violence. Maura had read an article she had written shortly after Jane was shot and remembered that the woman had her office in Boston.

Maura knew that Jane's inability to get clearance was a major factor in her emotional state but the doctor was concerned that she was trying to go back to soon. She still suffered occasional lapses in her words, but physically, she believed she was ready. The doctor wanted to wait another two weeks. Jane was ready now.

Maura jumped when the door opened and Jane walked out. Maura saw her tear stained cheeks and knew that it must have been an emotional session. Reaching a hand out she grabbed Jane's hand.

Jane brought her hand up and kissed it right over the engagement ring she wore. "I'm sorry Maura…"

"Oh Jane, for what?" Jane ran her fingers gently over the fading bruise on Maura's face.

"For everything."

Walking out of the office she left Maura standing there stunned. Turning to her doctor, "What happened?"

Jane had signed a waiver allowing Maura access so Dr. Gale didn't hesitate.

"She doesn't think she can protect you Dr Isles."

Looking back at the door Maura knew she needed to follow her.

"Sit for a minute, let's talk."

**xxxxxxxxxx**

Jane looked down at her journal and re-read what she had written. Dr Gale had recommended that she journal her dreams and she had done her best since she had gotten back with Maura. They had both been quiet; Maura respecting Jane's need to not be questioned had brought Jane to tears. So, she had written and written. It felt like she had poured her heart out into her journal but she felt lighter than she had when she started.

Maura watched her from the hallway as she sipped a cup of tea. She had been stunned by the depths of Jane's fears, but grateful that she appeared to be on the road to recovery. She had no doubt that Jane would be all right. She just had to convince Jane. Putting her cup down she walked over to Jane and put her journal on the end table.

"Time for bed Detective…" She smiled, hoping Jane would follow. They hadn't slept together since Jane had struck her accidently.

"Maura…what if?"

"No more what ifs Jane. I'm here, flesh and blood. Look at me," she forced Jane to look at her. "I love you Jane Rizzoli. All I need is you. You need to protect me? Then protect my heart Jane. I need you with me…."

Jane looked at her journal and all the demons she had exorcised by writing them down. Pulling Maura into a fierce embrace she held onto her tightly. She was almost scared to let her go but she did and kissed her with trembling lips.

"Thank you for not giving up on me."

"Never"

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Jane bit at her fingernails as she waited for word from Frost. She drove as quickly as she could even though she hadn't been cleared yet. "Shit…shit…shit…if something happens…"

Frost had called her less than ten minutes before while she was at her appointment. Maura had been talking with the parents of an apparent suicide when the mother had grabbed Maura and assaulted her. The woman's husband had tried to stop her and had been slashed at by her. One of Maura's technicians had witnessed the attack and immediately pressed the panic buzzer that had been installed after the incident in the morgue with Marino.

Frost didn't know how badly Maura was hurt and they were talking to the woman but there had been nothing from Maura. Turning a corner wildly, Jane took a deep breath trying to steady herself. She needed to stay focused, she needed to get there safely, for Maura. She didn't even know if they would let her help and Frost had begged her to stay put, but she refused. It had been two weeks since she and Maura had shared a wonderful night. Two weeks where Jane had voluntarily gone back to see the psychologist to deal with her nightmares and now here she was living one. She couldn't lose Maura, not now.

Screeching to a halt in front of the station she jumped out and headed around the side toward the morgue entrance, ignoring the calls from the officers stationed out front.

"Rizzoli!" Cavanaugh strode toward determined to stop her.

"I know what you're going to say, sir, but I have to be here." She didn't skip a word, his eyebrows rose as he took that small fact in and he nodded.

"I get it Rizzoli, I do, but you're not supposed to be here and if something happens, it's my ass."

"She'll be with me." Korsak had come up behind them both unbeknownst to them. "I've got her Sean"

"Be sure that you do." He walked away to talk to the negotiator again.

"Vince, what the hell?" She was scared, as scared as she had been when Marino had them trapped in the very place Maura was now and as scared, as she had been when their perp had pulled a gun to shoot Maura in that damned warehouse.

"Jane the woman has mental health issues,"

"I figured that part out Korsak, what did she do to Maura and why won't she let her go?" This was the old Jane talking and it wasn't lost on Vince at all.

"She thinks her daughter was murdered, it turns out she's paranoid schizophrenic according to her husband. She suffered a psychotic break a little over a year ago when her own mother passed away and with her daughter's suicide…"

"Great…" Jane ran her hands through her hair. She wasn't on the job, she wasn't even cleared to be anywhere near here but this was Maura.

"Let me talk to her."

"We can't do that Jane…"

"Korsak, please…let me try…I mean." Pacing she turned to look at him. "Who's talking to her?"

"Simmons."

"Simmons? Come on Vince, he's an ass. Let me guess he's trying to convince her that the death was a suicide right?"

"Well, yeah?" confused Korsak looked at Jane and understood. "She's paranoid"

"Yeah, she is…and she's got Maura, please Vince…"

"I'll see what I can do."

Jane watched him walk away and prayed they would give her a chance. She could do this, she knew she could, she had to.

**Xxxxxxx**

Maura held the towel the woman had given her on the cut on her arm. The right side of her face was throbbing where the woman had struck her and as she watched her pace in front of her, Maura wondered if she was going to be getting out of here in one piece.

"Mrs. Jenson…"

"Shut up!" she shrieked. "You killed her, I know you did. She wasn't dead when they took her, she wasn't dead!"

Maura moved away from her as much as she could. Delusional she may be, but she had been smart enough to lock herself and Maura up in Maura's office. The one room there was only one way in and one way out.

Swiping at her with the scalpel she managed to catch Maura's shoulder as Maura backed away.

"Damn!" She hissed in pain as felt the blood begin to seep from the cut. She had tried to talk to the woman, had tried to show her how her daughter had died, but she wouldn't see reason. Looking at the door she knew there were officers right outside, she also knew that they couldn't be sure where she was in relation to this woman so they couldn't come in. But that wouldn't last forever, and neither would she. Closing her eyes tightly she wondered if anyone had told Jane. Jane.

"I'm so sorry, Jane" she whispered.

"Who are you talking to?" Mrs. Jensen approached her threateningly.

"No one, I was just…" seeing the woman's face she hesitated, "nothing," Maura tried to contain the tears that threatened to fall when she thought of Jane. What if she never saw her again? Taking a step toward the woman she hesitated as a wave of dizziness hit her. The blood loss was starting to affect her. Uncertain, she sat down.

"Get up…GET UP!" Yanking Maura up by the arm she ignored her cry of pain as the woman held her tightly against her and looked around frantically. "They're coming," she whispered.

Maura was scared to say anything. She could feel the scalpel at her side and didn't want to startle her, but she hoped they were coming. She hoped someone was.

**xxxxxxxx**

"Vince I don't think this is a good idea." Cavanaugh glanced over to where Jane was standing, waiting for an answer. "Do you really think she's ready? I mean shit Vince, she's not even cleared yet."

"Sean, this is Jane we're talking about, come on…when is she not ready? Besides, this is the Doc's life on the line."

Cavanaugh rubbed his face and looked at Korsak, "Your call Vince, and your ass. Just get my M.E. out of there, safely."

"Thanks Sean" shaking his hand he walked over to Jane and grabbed her by the elbow.

"So?" Jane said.

"Come on, I'm taking you in. Frost finally hacked into her computer too, so we might have an audio feed."

Walking with him, she realized how nervous she was. "What if I make a mistake?"

"You won't Jane, this is what you do." Korsak truly hoped she was up to this.

She was trembling. What if she couldn't do this anymore, this was Maura's life on the line.

She still had her nightmares; she was still in therapy, what if…

"Jane, Korsak," Frost came up to them laptop in hand. "I've got audio," looking at them both, "She's decomping, we need to get in there."

Jane rushed forward only to be stopped by Korsak. "Think Jane…think this through. Listen for a minute first and then…"

Swallowing the bile that had risen at the idea of Maura at the hands of someone who wasn't in his or her right mind. She nodded, "Play it Frost and get me this woman's husband I need some background." To herself, "_Lord give me strength, this is Maura, don't take her away from me…please…"_

_**Jane has a chance to come back…or not. I will continue this through to the premiere on the 27th. If you wish for longer…that's up to you. Your humble bard.**_


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N:Our ladies are back! Woot woot! And so is this story…Hope folks are still with this and for those that are, Thank you! 500 reviews…umm…wow...**

**Your humble bard**

"They're coming…" The woman's voice trailed off on the audio feed and Jane could only glare at Korsak. "Let me go in" She had felt Maura's cry of pain in her heart. They had to make a move quickly or Maura wouldn't survive.

After getting some information from the woman's husband Jane realized that this situation had a high likelihood of ending badly. Andrea Jensen had been committed involuntarily after her mother's death the previous year after blaming her daughter for it. The scene at the funeral home had resulted in the woman completely breaking down and attacking her daughter. The attack had been swept into the family closet, never to be pulled out again. Jensen had since suspected that his daughter was suffering from the same illness as his wife but had ignored the signs. Now with his daughter dead by her own hand and his wife in the midst of a breakdown, the man felt helpless, he blamed himself for everything that had happened and on some irrational level, Jane did too.

"Jane…"

"Look, I'll start talking to her before I get to the door. I'll validate her beliefs…Dammit I just need to get in there." She saw the doubt in their eyes and frowned.

"She's not talking to Simmons anymore, she won't even answer the phone…what have we got to lose" she said softly. They wouldn't lose anything; she would if something happened to Maura.

"I agree with Jane" Frost said, "let her go."

"Fine," Korsak huffed, "let's get you wired ASAP so we can hear everything that's going on."

Five minutes later Jane nodded to her partner and mentor before calling out.

"Mrs Jensen? Mrs Jensen my name is Jane, Jane Rizzoli."

"Leave me alone!" she screeched. Maura's yelp of pain could be heard down the hallway. "The other man said I was going to jail!"

"Shit," Jane whispered. "Please Mrs. Jensen, Andrea…I need to speak with you about your daughter."

"They're saying she's dead, she's not dead! I saw her before they took her, she smiled at me and told me she was fine. You killed her! She killed her!" Maura's scream made Jane's blood curdle.

"Andrea! Andrea she's not dead…she's asking for you." The lie tasted awful on her lips but she had no choice.

"But she said…why is everyone lying to me?"

"Andrea, Dr Isles didn't know, it was a mistake her assistant made, she didn't have anything to do with it."

"I…I don't believe…I…she's alive? Did she ask for me?"

"She needs her mother right now…please let me in. I want you to see her but I have to make sure Dr Isles is okay."

"Oh…"

Andrea Jensen looked at the woman she was holding up. She was bleeding from a couple of places and she was pale, gray even. She realized she was in trouble.

Maura could barely stand. The last jab at her had punctured something, she could tell from the amount of blood she had lost, and she wanted so desperately to just sleep, but she could hear Jane's voice through the door. She hoped…

"You can come in, but only you." Andrea Jensen backed away from the door after she unlocked it. Jane walked in carefully, hands up in front of her so the woman could see she had no weapon. When she caught sight of Maura she could feel her heart skip a beat. She had to get her out of there. Taking a deep calming breath she faced the woman who held the life of the woman she loved in her hands.

"I…" clearing her throat she began again, "I can take you to her. She extended a hand to her, "Please Andrea, your daughter needs you."

The woman's wild eyes took on a different light when Jane mentioned her daughter, that's when Jane moved. She kicked out with a push kick to the woman's chest that sent her reeling into Maura's desk. The impact made her let Maura go but she held onto the scalpel and swung wildly at Jane.

Jane felt herself get distracted when she watched Maura fall to the floor and narrowly avoided being cut. Grabbing the first thing she could find she watched as the lamp on Maura's table ended up smashed against the woman's head.

"Friggin crazy bitch," she muttered. "Maura! Korsak get a bus!" Falling to her knees Jane gently rolled Maura over, the blood on her arm was bad enough but it was the sight of her shirt that scared her. "Oh God Maura…" ripping her shirt off Jane pressed it against the stab wound on Maura's abdomen.

"Baby please, open your eyes…"

"J..Jane…" Maura's eyes fluttered open even as her breathing became more labored. "Love…"

"Maura!" Eyes closing Jane couldn't tell if she was breathing or not.

"Move, Detective!" The EMT yanked Jane back as her partner immediately started checking her vitals.

Jane sat looking at her bloody hands, in shock. She could hear Frost talking to her but nothing made sense as she watched the EMTs work frantically on Maura.

"Jane…Jane!"

"What?" Her voice was hoarse with unshed tears. What the hell had happened? She watched as the medics got Maura onto a gurney and started to wheel her out. "Wait." She looked frantically at Korsak.

"Go Jane, we got this." He watched her race after the medics as they rushed Maura out. He was scared, she wasn't breathing.

**xxxxxxxxxx**

Sitting in the ambulance with her Maura watched as the EMTs breathed for her. Her heart felt like it was pounding out of her chest. She had gotten her out; she had to be okay. All of this couldn't be for nothing.

"Ma'am…Detective?" Jane whipped her tear filled eyes around to face the young EMT speaking to her.

"We're almost there."

Jane could only nod. "Is she…"

"We're helping her breath right now…we'll assess her better in the trauma room. Here we go."

The rear doors opened and two attendants quickly assisted in getting the gurney off and rolling into the emergency room. Jane jogged after them praying they would let her stay. The nurse who stopped her started to rattle of questions that she just couldn't answer.

"What? I need to see Maura."

"Ma'am,"

"Detective…"

"Sorry, Detective, I need some information on the patient…" Jane turned to face her unashamed of the tears that were running down her face.

"K…okay…"

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Korsak hurries into the emergency room with Angela to find Jane sitting in the waiting room. They haven't let her back to see Maura and she is still covered in the other woman's blood.

"Janie! Oh my God…"

"Ma? Oh ma…" she starts to sob into her hands until her mother pulls her into her arms.

"Shh…its okay baby…she's strong, like you…"

"She was bleeding so badly ma, they had to breath for her I just…I can't lose her," she whispered.

"You're not going to lose her Jane, the Doc is tough you know that, we have to think positive." Korsak stopped his pacing to face her. "Anyone called her mother yet?"

"No." she couldn't, Jane couldn't bring herself to make that call.

"I'll call her Janie." Angela stood up and pulled out her cell, dialing the other woman's number she walked away to talk to her.

Korsak sat next to his old partner and took her hand. "You did good Jane, you did your job, you got her out."

"But were we in time Vince? What if?"

"Don't go there Jane, I wouldn't let her go there when it was you and I'll be damned if I let you go there now that its her." Squeezing her hand he made her look at him. "Maura had faith in you Jane, she knew you wouldn't give up. Show her the same faith."

Jane looked at the doors that prevented her from knowing what was going on. Faith, it was a lot to ask but Korsak was right, Maura's faith never wavered, and neither will hers. Wiping her tears she stood up, "I'm going to find out what the hell is going on…"

**Hope you all enjoyed the premiere! Posting again soon…I'd love to know what you think.**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Yep I'm still here, hope you all are. Its a bit shorter than I wanted but it was a natural break at the end. (relax) Quick update-I finished writing my novel and am working on editing it. In between that I am working diligently to update all of my fanfics, so thank you al for being so patient-as to the return of RandI on TNT. Janet dear they can't be more of a couple if you tried…so keep on not trying!**

Jane sat quietly thinking about how different the morning had been. She had relished holding Maura in her arms. They did fit perfectly together, hell, she was her lifeline, the reason she was still here. And now…

Maura was still in surgery. Two of the stab wounds had been severe, one had punctured her lung and she was bleeding internally, pneumothorax. God she hated that friggin word. She was drowning in her own blood, which was why she had stopped breathing. Just the thought of that made her ill. She couldn't get the image of Maura lying there barely breathing out of her head.

According to her mother, Constance was on her way back from London. She was taking the first available flight to Boston, which meant she wouldn't be there before tomorrow morning.

"God, please…I can't live without Maura, I…" her whispers turned to sobs as she realized all she would lose without Maura at her side.

Angela stood in the doorway and hesitated. Jane didn't usually allow her to her this way and she felt like she was intruding, but her baby needed her. She strode purposely to her and kneeled down in front of her pulling her hands away from her face.

"Jane…Jane honey, look at me. You saved her Jane. You got her here. Please don't give up on her."

Jane looked at hr mother and saw her tears reflected in her eyes.

"I'm not Ma, I swear I'm not, but…it's like my worst nightmare, I couldn't protect her Ma, what the hell good am I if I can't protect her?"

Angela was shocked to realize that this was exactly what Maura had alluded to when she had mentioned Jane's nightmares over breakfast the other day.

"Jane Rizzoli how dare you!"

Shocked Jane looked at her mother.

"Who got her out? Who talked that woman into opening the door and letting you in. Who got Maura the help she needed? You did! You can't be with her 24/7, you can't protect her all the time, but dammit, when you had to you did just that. Don't you see Jane. You're still you. That's what you were afraid of. That's what we were all afraid of."

"What?" Jane glared at her mother.

"Janie honey we knew what you were afraid of and we were scared for you. You are who you are. The challenges you've faced the past couple of months have been, well they would have been impossible for some folks, not you. You just couldn't see that."

Jane stared at her mother as she realized what she was saying. She had defied the odds and whether she was 100 percent or not, didn't really matter.

Pulling her mother into her arms she gave her a hug, "Thanks Ma." She wiped her tears and looked up at the clock, over three hours and no word on Maura.

"Ma…" she looked up as a doctor came in.

"Family for Maura Isles?"

Jane jumped to her feet and gave her mother a hand. "I'm her fiancée."

"Yes Ms. Rizzoli, correct?" at her nod she continued. "I'm Dr Reynolds. Ms Isles made it through the surgery and is in recovery right now." The tone of her voice wasn't lost on either Rizzoli woman.

"But?" Jane asked.

Dr Reynolds sighed, "She's not breathing on her own right now. She hasn't been since they brought her in. We've repaired the damage, which was extensive, not just to her lung, but her diaphragm, coupled with the blood loss has taxed her body significantly. We're keeping her sedated for the next twenty-four hours at least to allow her body to heal. After that we'll go a step at a time. Bring her out of sedation and let her wake on her own. Once we get to that point then we'll assess any further need for the ventilator."

Jane's legs gave out on her and her mother and the doctor both grabbed an arm and escorted her to a chair. Shaking her head Jane tried to figure out what to ask and couldn't. She looking beseechingly at her mother.

"Can we sit with her?" Angela asked

"Of course you can, no more than two at a time." Taking a seat next to Jane she took her hand. "Detective, right? Jane nodded, "She's young, she's strong, there is no reason to believe that she won't recover, but I don't believe in false hope. The reality is that I'm surprised she made it through the surgery, but she did and in doing so already shifted the odds in her favor." She looked at both women. "I understand you did that yourself not too long ago."

"Yeah I did, thanks to Maura."

"Well now its time you return the favor Detective. Talk to her, she'll hear you." Dr Reynolds stood up and arched her back, "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go grab a cup of coffee before I go check on her again. I'll have the nurse inform you when she's been moved to a room."

She left the two women and headed for the lounge. She should have recused herself from performing the surgery but she couldn't. Maura Isles was a friend and when she heard that she was the stabbing victim being rushed for emergency surgery, her heart had dropped. She knew all about Detective Rizzoli and at one time had hoped for more with Maura, but when she had heard through the grapevine about the shooting, she had seen how Maura was. How much in love she was with Jane Rizzoli. They had overcome insurmountable odds. If Rizzoli knew she had been the subject of a number of case reviews she would be shocked. But a lot was attributed to the familial support and strength of will of the patient. She only hoped the same was true for Maura.

**xxxxxx**

Her heart felt like it was pounding out of her chest as she approached the door to Maura's room. Her mother had readily agreed to let her go alone but now, she was scared.

She pushed the door open and stopped short at the sight. The first thing that crossed her mind was that it wasn't Maura. It couldn't be. Maura was vibrant, alive, sparkling. The person lying in the hospital bore a resemblance to her but there was no luster. The tube leading from her mouth to the machine next to her monitored her respiration and would allow her to breath on her own if she initiated it. Right now though it showed that it was doing one hundred percent of the breathing for her.

Jane swallowed and wiped at the tears rolling down her face. This was all so wrong. It made sense for her to be in a hospital bed, not Maura. Taking a deep breath she walked to her bedside. She could see the hint of a bandage on her shoulder just under her hospital gown. She was so pale. Leaning over she kissed her softly of the lips, mindful of the tube. Her lips were cracked and dry and that made her cry even more. Fumbling in her pocket she pulled out her lip balm and put some on her finger. Gently, she applied it to Maura's lips around the tube and kissed her again.

"There we go, that's better isn't it Maur?" She brushed Maura's hair back from her forehead and looked at the other machines she was hooked up to. This felt so wrong.

Rolling the chair next to the bed she sat down and put her head down on Maura's hand.

"I love you Maur."

**Xxxxxx**

Angela poked her head in and saw Jane with her head on Maura's bed. Shaking her head she felt a pang of angst as the possibility of Maura not pulling through hit her. It would destroy Jane. Heck it would destroy the family because none of them would ever be the same again.

"Stop it Angela!" she told herself. No negative thoughts were allowed. Maura's mother would be touching at Logan International at 6am. Korsak had volunteered to pick her up and explain what had happened, but now, Angela wanted to take care of her little girl, both of her girls. It was going on 11:30 and 6am would be coming quickly. She considered waking Jane up but thought better of it. Taking the seat by the window she sat back and watched her daughter sleep. Maura was her whole world. She never would have thought when they first met that Jane would or could fall for someone like Maura. But she had.

"Lord," she whispered, "I know I've asked for an awful lot this past year but please, don't take Maura away from my little girl. She has already seen so much unhappiness and so much pain. Please." She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and laid her head back. It wasn't long before she joined her daughter in slumber.

**Thoughts, comments, realistic? Too much? Either way, thank you for reading as always…Honorcpt**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Have faith folks. Thank you to all of you who are continuing to read, follow, favorite and review. You humble me...**

Jane lifted her head sleepily wondering what had woken her. Looking around she saw that her mother was fast asleep so she turned her attention back to Maura. The sound was coming from her. Jane looked at the monitors and saw that that her pulse was raising even as her oxygen levels dropped.

"What the hell?" There was a gurgling sound coming from Maura that Jane recognized. She was choking. Pressing frantically on the call button she started yelling.

"Somebody! Get in here please!" Jane looked down at her not knowing what to do as the monitors started to register the danger Maura was in.

"Jane, what?" Angela sat up to find her daughter panicked and yelling into the hallway just as the alarm on the monitors sounded.

The sound of running feet caught her attention as Jane was pushed aside.

"What's wrong? Ma, what's wrong with her?" Angela pulled her daughter back as she watched them work on Maura. It was a few minutes before things calmed down enough for a nurse to turn her attention to them.

"She's okay Detective, there was just some fluid build up around her ventilator tube."

"Why?" Jane choked out. Her heart was pounding out of her chest. She sat down abruptly shaking her head.

The nurse took a knee in front of her and made Jane look at her. "It happens detective, she's not breathing on her own at all yet so right now its all reflex." Taking her hands she squeezed them, "She's okay now." Looking up at Angela she nodded and went back to her patient.

"Ma…"

Angela pulled her out into the hallway and hugged her fiercely. "She's okay Jane." Looking at her daughter she frowned, "But you're not." Jane's face was red and hot. "Honey your blood pressure…"

"Is fine, dammit, will be fine…I need to go back in." Leaving her mother standing there Jane walked back into Maura's room.

Angela tapped her hand nervously against her leg. She knew Jane was not supposed to get overly stressed until she got the all clear. It wasn't unexpected of course, but still…looking at her watch she realized it was almost five a.m. Hoping Korsak was awake she went over to the nurse's station to make a call.

**xxxxxxxxxx**

Two days, it had been two days since the events at the morgue and Jane has refused to leave Maura's side. Even the presence of Maura's mother couldn't dissuade her, so Angela had taken to being Jane's only real contact with everyone else. They had stopped the sedation late last night but Maura still hadn't woken. Jane was wearing a hole in the floor in front of the window, muttering to herself all night, what she could have done differently, why this was happening.

She kept talking to Maura about their plans and their future. Even mentioning the possibility of children if only to satisfy their mothers, but nothing, no response. Maura's doctor had been ready to prescribe her a tranquilizer if she didn't get some sleep so last night she had slept for about an hour, waking in a panic after a nightmare. She'd been awake ever since.

Jane looked over at the journal that her mother had brought her from the house, along with some toiletries and a change of clothes. Taking a deep breath, she sat down and reached for it, opening it to where she had left off. She had started reading Maura the journal to keep both their minds busy.

"_So here I am looking at your breasts cause you just kind of threw them in my face. Do you know just how hard it was not to react to that? I was undercover Maura and gay or not, anyone would have responded to them in their face. You just smiled at me sweet as can be and asked about a drink. I don't think I've ever felt so flustered in my life"_

Jane finished reading the excerpt and smiled at the memory of the two of them undercover at The Merch.

"Maura?" Jane put the journal aside and took her hand. "I need you to wake up honey. I'm not…" she swallowed, "I'm not as strong as you. I don't know how you've put up with the stuff that you have. It hurts so much not to be able to look into your eyes, to see you smile, to hear your voice. Please Maura, I need you."

Angela stepped back out quietly feeling guilty about over hearing Jane's words to Maura. Hearing her name called she looked up. Constance was making her way back down the hall.

"Not right now Constance."

"Angela that is my daughter in there. I should be the one by her bedside not Jane."

Angela sighed and took the woman by the hand leading her to the cafeteria. "Let me tell you about the letter." She had thus far avoided telling Constance anything about Jane and Maura, specifically what had brought them to this point, but now she felt she had no choice. Only the fact that Jane was listed as Maura's proxy had prevented Constance's intervention.

**Xxxxxxxxx**

Maura tried to swallow and couldn't. It felt like there was something caught in her throat. She tested her hand and realized she could move it so she brought it up to her mouth and felt the tube leading from there. Exhausted, she let her hand drop back and felt something hard. Carefully opening her eyes she blinked back a tear. Carefully, she moved her head slightly and saw what she had touched, a journal, Jane's journal.

Looking back up at the ceiling she tried to assess the damage that had been inflicted on her body. Breathing hurt. End of story. She thought consciously about taking a breath and stopped after one, letting the machine take over the effort of it. It hurt so much that her hand clenched against the journal, knocking it to the floor.

"Maura?" Jane came racing out of the bathroom at the noise. "Maur?" The sight of Maura's eyes open brought tears to hers.

"Oh Maur…dammit…I'm sorry…I don't mean to cry, but you're awake, and I thought…" Seeing her own confusion reflected in Maura's eyes she stopped babbling.

She glanced at the monitors and saw that she still wasn't breathing on her own fully. Pressing the call button, she ran a hand across Maura's forehead before she kissed it.

"You're back," she whispered. Jane felt like she could breath again.

Maura blinked and squeezed the hand that held hers. A single tear escaped her eyes.

"Are you…"

"Yes Detective, what can I…well, Dr Isles, you're awake I see. You had us all a bit worried, especially your fiancée here." She nodded as she saw Maura's eyes dart to Jane and then back to her.

"Are you understanding me?"

Maura blinked and squeezed Jane's hand again. She was so tired though and it hurt so much.

"Good, good," Pressing the call button twice, she alerted the nurse's station to contact the doctor. "How about we try to assess your pain level okay?"

Maura blinked.

"On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the most severe, lets start by twos. 2?"

Nothing

"4?"

Nothing

"6?"

A slight squeeze but no blink. Jane looked at the nurse.

"Hmm, 8?"

A slight squeeze again.

"I'm guessing about a 7, right Maur?" Her answering blink and squeeze brought a smile to her face.

"Well, the doctor should be here in a few minutes so she'll address anything else. I can't give you anything more until then, do you understand?" The pain Maura was in was evident, but they needed her as lucid as possible to evaluate her.

"Its okay Maur, I'm here." Jane kissed her on her lips, mindful of the tube. "I love you."

Dr Reynolds stood in the doorway and watched for a moment before shaking her head an d moving to Maura's bedside.

"Hello Maura." Maura's eyes widened at the sight of her friend and she glanced at Jane who noticed.

"You know each other?"

"We're colleagues, I didn't want to say anything the other day when things were so, tense…anyway, how are we feeling? She looked at the chart the nurse had filled out at the stats that had been taken throughout the day.

"Maura, we need you to try and breathe on your own." Maura blinked back tears. It hurt so much but she didn't want to stay like this. She wanted to talk to Jane. Blinking she squeezed Jane's hand.

"She said okay." Jane had quickly picked up on Maura's cues.

"Will you give it a try?"

Maura concentrated and initiated the ventilator on her own, tears streaming down the sides of her face at the pain in her chest.

"Stop it," Jane said, "Its hurting her!" She wiped at her tears and glared at the doctor.

"Detective I understand how you're feeling but in order to strengthen her lungs she needs to make the attempt to breathe on her own. Right now, she's quickly becoming dependent on the ventilator."

Jane opened her mouth to say something but was stopped by Maura as she squeezed her hand.

Jane knew the doctor was right but, she felt an almost physical pain at seeing Maura hurting.

Dr Reynolds leaned over her, "Maura, we need you to initiate breathing on your own. If you can do that over the next hour on a regular basis, we can remove the tube, do you understand? We'll give you something for the pain, but nothing so strong that we can't assess you, do you understand?"

Blinking through tears, Maura squeezed Jane's hand and closed her eyes.

"Maura?" Jane looked at the doctor in a panic.

"She's okay Detective, look." Pointing at the monitors she showed Jane what to look for and what to check if she was worried. "She'll wake again soon, her body is trying desperately to fix itself unfortunately everyone's pain threshold is a bit different." Dr Reynolds took Jane by the shoulder and led her away from the bed.

"Are you getting any rest detective?"

"Yes." At the look she got, "some, I'm fine"

"You're not fine, you're flushed and if I were to guess I would say your blood pressure is probably higher than it should be."

Jane glared at her.

"Look, I'm not saying don't stay here, but if you are, you need to rest when she does and find something to do that can relax you. Detective, I know who your doctor is, don't make me send them in here."

She smiled as she threatened Jane but knew she had gotten her point across.

"Yes ma'am" Jane watched her leave and then turned her attention back to Maura. Relax how the hell was she supposed to…her eyes lit on her journal.

Pulling the chair next to the bed, she kissed Maura's lips tenderly before grabbing a pen and sitting down with her journal. Her brain was jumbled right now, her emotions all over, she need to ground herself and there was only one thing that did that for her, Maura.

Looking over at her she began she took a deep shuddering breath even as the tears rolled down her face,

_Dear Maura…_


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N:So, life certainly does have its ups and downs. I had hoped to post this sooner but with the passing of my beloved mother in law, everything was kind of on hold. This will be our first Christmas without her. My wife is still in New York with her brothers and sisters as they prepare for the Novena and I'm here in Florida. Just doesn't feel like Christmas right now for me. Anyway, my gift to all of you…another chapter. Enjoy and Happy Holidays.**

Dr Reynolds opened the door and smiled. Her patient's fiancée had dozed off in the chair, hand wrapped around a journal. She frowned as she saw the scar on the back of her hand and tapped her gently.

"Detective."

"Mmmm…" bolting upright, she looked around, "Maura?"

"Relax, look."

Jane followed where she was pointing and saw that Maura was indeed initiating the machine, she let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding and put a hand against her chest.

"Detective?"

Jane looked at her, tears spilling onto her cheeks. She had been so scared, this was a good sign, and she knew that. She wasn't out of the woods, but it was a good sign.

Dr Reynolds smiled as she looked at her patient. This had been hard fought. The damage had been extensive, reckless. Thankfully Maura was strong, physically and mentally. Glancing at Jane, and she had something to live for.

"Let us know as soon as she wakes. I'll be on this floor for a while longer."

"I will." Jane watched as she left, "Hey Doc? Thanks."

"Of course."

Jane ran a hand along Maura's cheek. "_God she loved this woman."_

"Maura? I hope you can hear me. You're doing really good so far. Your mom is here. I don't know if you know that yet. She dropped everything to be here with you. I'm not going anywhere okay? Just like you I plan on being here for you, always," she whispered.

Maura could hear her, that beautiful husky voice she fell in love with years ago. She sounded so sad, so tired. She tried to move and stopped when the pain overwhelmed her again.

"Maur? Honey open your eyes, please." Jane's plea was heartfelt. She needed to look into her eyes. Reassure herself that Maura was still with her.

Maura's eyes fluttered open and she took a breath, wincing at the pain, but letting herself focus on the dark eyes above hers.

"You're back…" Jane's voice was wistful and the tear that escaped was noticed.

Maura reached for Jane's hand and squeezed it, hard.

"I'm gonna call the doctor, okay?" Another squeeze brought a small smile to Jane's face. Pressing twice for the nurse she turned her attention back to Maura, glancing at the ventilator for just a second, reassuring herself that Maura was doing the breathing.

"You scared me baby." Jane's voice was soft, tender. She knew she loved this woman but the thought of losing her was more than she could bear. She wasn't as strong as Maura. She doubted she ever would be.

Maura understood. She held onto Jane's hand tightly until the doctor came in. By then she could feel sleep pulling her back but she fought to stay awake. For Jane's sake.

"Well…" Dr. Reynolds looked at the ventilator and smiled. The numbers were much better and pressing a button she looked at the numbers for the past hour. "Very good Maura." Looking at Jane she smiled before addressing Maura again.

"We're going to remove the tube Maura," pressing the call button she spoke to the nurse who responded before turning back to her. "As you know, the feeling will not be pleasant. Quite frankly its going to hurt like hell and I don't want you to try to speak until we get some ice chips down, okay?"

Maura squeezed Jane's hand and nodded her head imperceptibly.

Jane stepped back as they prepared, watching anxiously. When the nurse came back in, the Doctor nodded and looked down at Maura.

"Maura, I want you to try and take some even breaths and then cough when I tell you okay?"

Jane watched Maura breath slowly and gasped at the sound of pain that came from her when the doctor told her to cough. Quickly pulling the tube out, the nurse reached for the cup of ice chips and placed a few in Maura's mouth. Her whimper tore at Jane's insides. She wanted them to stop hurting her.

Carefully laying her head back down, the nurse reached past the bed and pulled the oxygen hose forward, looping it around Maura's head and making sure it was affixed properly. Jane watched as Dr. Reynolds checked Maura's vitals and waved a hand for Jane to come forward.

Maura's eyes were filled with tears. "Hi" it was barely a whisper, barely a breath, but it was Maura.

"Oh God…" Jane broke down on the side of the bed. She didn't even realize when the doctor and nurse left. She felt Maura's hand in her hair and looked up at her. "I'm sorry Maur…I shouldn't have…"

"Shh…" Maura chest was on fire and throat felt like she had a cabanero pepper stuck in it so she really couldn't speak yet, but seeing Jane like this was something she never wanted to see.

"Sleep," she whispered as she closed her eyes, hand still entwined in Jane's hair.

Exhausted, Jane let her head rest where it was and followed Maura into sleep.

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

Angela stood in the doorway with Constance and watched their daughters sleep. Seeing Maura's hand tangled in Jane's hair and the intubation tube removed brought a smile to Angela's face. Quietly backing out she turned to her counterpart.

"We'll give them a little time to themselves?"

"Certainly." Constance walked away with Angela to get an update on Maura from the doctor. When Angela had told her about the letter and all that had transpired she had been shocked and amazed at her daughter's devotion to the detective, but now, seeing Jane's devotion to her daughter, she realized she needed to re-evaluate the things she viewed as a given. Constance was a firm believer that you don't choose who you fall in love with, and if you're lucky enough to have them love you in return, then you are one of the chosen few who find their soul mates. From what she had seen so far and heard from Angela. Her daughter had found her soul mate in the person of one Detective Jane Rizzoli.

**xxxxxxxxxx**

Maura ran her fingers in Jane's hair reveling in the feel. She felt like the luckiest woman in the world. She was surprised to still be alive. She didn't know the specifics quite yet but based on the monitors and the intubation she guessed that Mrs. Jenkins had indeed cut something important. She shuddered as she remembered the fear she felt. Not about dying, but about not being able to do this, what she was doing right now. Be with Jane.

Jane smiled at the feel of Maura's fingers in her hair, even as they lingered over her scar. She didn't deserve this happiness, that's what scared her. To have the woman she loved and the career she loved after all they had been through? But she had it. Sure it would be a long road for Maura, but she would be there, every step of the way, just like Maura had been and still was for her.

Slowly picking her head up she felt Maura drop her hand away. Looking into her eyes, Jane felt herself fall in love all over again. Leaning in she kissed her. Not deeply, not urgently, but tenderly. She reveled in the feel of Maura's lips under hers and it felt like home. Stepping back she wasn't surprised to see the tears in Maura's eyes.

"I love you Maura Isles."

Maura smiled and swallowed before whispering, "I love you Detective."

Jane's crooked grin tugged at her heart, 'detective'. She had gotten her out of there, her mother was right, she was still Jane Rizzoli.

"Your mom is here, would you like to see her?" Jane brushed the hair from her forehead as she spoke. She needed to keep touching her, make sure she was real.

Maura nodded, not trusting herself to say anything. She watched as Jane pulled out her phone and texted her mother. Looking back at Maura she smiled. "She's with my Ma"

Jane chuckled at the surprise on Maura's face, "Don't worry they're fine. Ma's been filling her in."

Maura closed her eyes and started awake when she felt Jane's hand on her face. "Okay?"

Maura nodded, "meds…" Jane looked and saw that Maura's pain meds had just dispensed. She could see her fighting the effects.

"Its okay baby, sleep. I'll let the moms know."

"You too…" Maura whispered sleepily, "Rest…blood pressure…please…" she squeezed Jane's hand before drifting off.

Jane shook her head and kissed her on the forehead.

"How does she do that?" Jane sat on the recliner and picked up her journal. This relaxed her and she knew she was pushing herself to hard. She would listen to Maura and rest. She needed to be there for her no matter what. Opening her journal she continued the letter she had started. She didn't know if she would ever show it to her or not, but she needed to write it.

Looking up Jane shook her head and smiled, "Lord I know you are testing us and that you don't do it without good reason, but I really hope we passed…I really do." Putting pen to paper, she continued the letter she was writing, this one wasn't a goodbye, she knew now it could never be a goodbye.

**No, its not over, not yet…plus you all still have to read the letter, no? Anyway…hope this went over well. If anyone is so inclined, please feel free to let me know your thoughts.**

**On a side note, I think I've published my book on Amazon, still waiting for it to populate, blah, blah, blah…anyway, its called Beauty of Fear by LE Perez (thats me) It should be up and available by Christmas. My Christmas present to me…Peace**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Hoping everyone had a wonderful New Year…As most of you know, this story was originally intended to last only about 10 chapters and due to popular demand, I have continued it through the season finale. There are still a few chapters left that need to sort themselves out but this angst filled ride is coming to an end soon. "Through darkness, we seek light…"**

Constance wiped the tears on her face, angry with herself for losing control, but after hearing the doctor's update on Maura it finally hit her that she had almost lost her daughter. Angela held her hand tightly as the doctor finished.

"Once she's released we'll discuss her therapy and further care. I'm sure Jane and Maura both will want to know the specifics before I discuss them with you." Dr. Reynolds smiled kindly at the women. They were worried, understandably so, but she didn't want to give them too much information.

"Of course Dr. Thank you." Constance stood up with Angela and left the room. She felt beaten.

"Constance? Are you all right?" Angela's concern made her smile. She didn't know if she was all right, if she ever would be. Constance was proud of her daughter, she loved her but she also knew that she had never been good at showing her daughter the affection she felt in her heart. All she would have lost suddenly struck her.

"I almost lost my daughter." She whispered. Her tears started again and Angela pulled her into her arms. She understood. She never knew if the last time she saw Jane would be the last time she saw Jane, but Constance never had to face that before. Not really.

"She's going to be fine Constance. You heard Dr. Reynolds. It'll take some time but she will be okay. They both will."

"How do you do it?" She pushed away from her and pulled out a tissue. "How do not die inside whenever something happens to Jane?"

"Who says I don't?" Angela said the words reverently. Taking Constance' hand she tucked it into her arm.

"Come on, our girls are waiting for us.

**xxxxxxxxxx**

Jane closed the journal and sighed. She really was tired. Fingers pressed against her temples she applied pressure and moved her fingers in small circles like Maura had shown her. Taking a deep breath in, she let it out slowly and closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on keeping her mind and body, calm. It was so much easier when Maura helped her. It was one of the techniques she'd been taught to help level out her blood pressure and keep herself focused.

"Not so hard." It was just a whisper but she heard it.

"Maur…" Quickly putting the journal on the table she got up and bent over her. "Hey…"

"Hey…You okay?" Maura ignored the pain she felt and focused on Jane. Reaching a hand up she placed it alongside Jane's cheek, "Your head?" she whispered, fear coloring her words.

"Is fine baby, honest." She trapped Maura's hand with her own and brought it to her lips. "Just a little tired."

Maura took her hand back and stared at her making a decision, "Go home."

"What? No Maur I'm not going home…I" she looked into Maura's eyes, "I don't want to be there without you." She lowered her voice as she spoke. "It's not home then."

Maura sighed and winced in pain. "Breathe, Maura." Jane's voice sounded urgent and Maura blinked, opening her eyes. She didn't remember closing them.

"What?"

"You just stopped Maura." Jane looked at the monitors and back to her, panic showing clearly in her face.

It hurt to breathe but Maura didn't realize she had just stopped. "I'm sorry."

Shaken, Jane kissed her tenderly, "Don't be sorry…it hurts, I know. You scared me."

"I scared me too."

Jane smiled down at her, turning when the door opened.

"Oh, oh…Moms are here."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Maura was finally asleep again. Her mother's tears had shocked her and she had held on tightly to Jane's hand as she spoke to her. She wasn't used to her mother showing her that much affection. Jane had noticed the signs that Maura was getting overwhelmed and asked them to leave, but not before promising her mother that she would rest as well.

Looking down at her scarred hands she tried to imagine the pain that Maura had felt when that woman had stabbed her, the fear she had felt. She knew that fear intimately. Maura didn't. She knew that once Maura was well enough to go home she was going to have a lot to deal with. She sighed, hoping she was strong enough to help her through it.

Running a hand through her hair she realized just how exhausted she was, physically and mentally. She had maintained her writing just to keep her sanity and the letter she had written made even her smile. Maybe she would read it to Maura one day. Taking a seat she decided to finally follow doctor's orders and sleep when Maura slept.

**xxxxxxxxx**

Jane sat up straight and looked around wondering what had woken her. It was Maura. In the throes of a nightmare she was whimpering in her sleep, her breath hitching in her throat.

"Maur…Maur honey, wake up…" Jane ran a hand along her forehead trying to soothe her, calm her. She was rewarded when Maura blinked her eyes open.

"Jane" she whispered, "You're here…"

"Of course I'm here baby, you were having a nightmare." She ran her hand soothingly across Maura's forehead. "Its okay, you're safe."

"Not me, you, you were gone." A single tear escaped as she said the words.

"Aw Maura, I'll always be here…always…sleep…" She kissed her tenderly and continued to run her hand along her forehead until she fell asleep.

Jane understood nightmares better than anyone. She was just glad to be here to help Maura through hers. "Together Maur…we'll get through it together…"

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Jane hurried over to the passenger side door to help Maura out. "Jane I'm fine…"

"You're not fine and you're not supposed to exert yourself. Please Maur, you refused the wheelchair at least let me help you."

Maura tilted her head and smiled, "You always help me Jane. You do too much."

"I don't do enough," she mumbled.

Maura stopped, "Don't you ever say such a thing Jane Rizzoli. You have done more for me than anyone could expect."

"Yes ma'am" she said sheepishly. She and Maura had gone round and round the past couple of days about exactly that point. Jane thought there should be more she could do, but there wasn't and she knew that on a practical level but in her heart, she kept thinking she could do more.

Maura sighed and let Jane help her. She was just thankful to finally be coming home. Dr Reynolds had insisted that she remain hospitalized until she had completed a full cycle with the respiratory therapist and she had to admit to being grateful for it. She was winded easily and it would take some time to get back to her pre-injury health but it bothered her that Jane was literally trying to do everything for her.

By the time they made it inside though Maura was exhausted. She could smell the lasagna that Angela had left for them after promising not to intrude for at least twenty-four hours. Hungry as she was, she was just too tired to eat.

"Do you mind if I just lay down on the couch?" she asked.

"Baby of course not." Jane helped her get settled and gave her an extra pillow so she wouldn't lay flat. "Rest hon."

Maura grabbed her hand. "Lay with me, please"

"I don't want to…"

"You're not going to hurt me, I just need to feel your arms around me Jane, please" Maura could feel the exhaustion pulling her under but held onto Jane's hand.

Jane nodded and lay behind her against the back of the couch holding Maura against her. She took in Maura's scent and was surprised at the rush of tears. She held back and let herself relax against Maura knowing how close she came to losing her and grateful to just have her in her life. She heard Maura's breathing start to even out and she was grateful that her mother had abided by their wishes and not planned a welcome home party. Instead, Jane had suggested dinner on the second night that Maura was home. Not before. So they had time. Time to relish each other's company. Time to feel safe in the other's arms.

Time to do exactly what they were doing now.

Jane marveled again at how perfectly they fit together. How in tuned with each other they were. She had written quite a bit in her journal the past two weeks, not including the letter to Maura and she had come to realize that getting cleared to go back to work wasn't as important as this, what she was feeling right now. She thought about her appointment yesterday and realized that being given the go ahead wasn't as important as she had once thought it to be. She knew she could do the work, with minor glitches here and there, but who didn't have those.

She sighed and relaxed against the feel of Maura's body. She had only been home sporadically the past two weeks, and she hadn't truly relaxed until just now. Her body's weariness overcame her desire to watch over Maura while she slept and she joined her.

**Xxxxxxxx**

_Dear Maura,_

_The last letter I wrote to you was a goodbye of sorts and I realize now how wrong I was to write you that, not because it was wrong, but because we will never have goodbye as long as we have each other. _

_Maura Isles you are the very air that I breathe._

_I have never been one to believe that one person can affect the life of another so completely, but you have. I am whole with you. I am the person I was always meant to be. You bring out the best in me and tame the worst in me. People have come in and out of my life with caring words, but you; you Maura are the only person I have ever felt those words from. Felt them, in my heart and heard them in my soul. Even when I've been hateful or angry you've put me back in my place and demanded that I understand how much you love me. I get that now. (I love it when you get badass on me)_

_The doctor's didn't expect me to survive, either time did they? But I did, because of you. I know, I know, you'll say something scientific like the body's ability to heal itself from trauma…blah…blah…blah…No Maura, because of you. I should've died the day Paddy's men shot me. You saved me, body and soul. I should've died after that damned clot, especially since I lied to you, but I didn't, because of you._

_Its cliché to say we all have so much to live for, but there really is only ever one thing that keeps us here isn't there? One thing that keeps us grounded. You're my one thing Maura…you have been for a very long time. When I saw you on the floor of your office all I could think of was wanting to trade places with you. Seeing you in pain causes me pain Maura. I didn't understand that fully until I saw you there, felt you there. It hurt, it still does. _

_Maura you have so much to live for and somewhere in there I hope, is me. Let me be your anchor to this life as you are mine, as you've always been._

_ When Frost called me Maura, I panicked. You're going to say I don't panic, but I did. I thought about all those what ifs and realized I couldn't live without you. I'm nowhere near the woman you are. Nowhere near as strong. I was determined to get you out of there, I just wish I had gotten to you sooner. Maura…I couldn't keep you safe. I didn't protect you and that is a regret I will take to the grave. I know it's irrational, but it is what it is._

_You have been through so much these past couple of months, I know, I know, me too. But Maura, you have held all of us together. Whether you believe it or not, you are the glue that keeps us all going. You are what keeps me going. I've been ready to give up more than once but you wouldn't let me. Now it's my turn. You owe me a wedding young lady. You said you would marry me, whole or not, well here I am. I'm waiting on you now to heal and find your way back to where we were. I will always be here to hold your hand, to wipe your tears, to kiss those lips and to keep harm at bay. Always Maura. _

_Your faith in me is my faith in you. You save me a little everyday Maura whether you know it or not. Let me save you._

_Yours Forever,_

_Jane_

Maura put the journal down and looked over at Jane. She had been so exhausted that she hadn't moved when Maura went to use the bathroom. Restless she had walked around the living room and over to Jane's recliner where she had found the journal. She shouldn't have, but she knew Jane was writing in it fairly regularly again and with all that had happened, she was worried for Jane. She read backwards seeing some of the comments during the past two weeks of Maura's hospital stay and smiled at the colorful curse words, some of which she had never heard Jane utter. As she got closer to the day of the incident she had seen Jane's signature and turned the pages to find the letter that she had written immediately after.

Running her fingers along the page she hesitated at a spot that had smeared and knew Jane had cried as she wrote it. Re-reading it, she smiled at one part '_you owe me a wedding young lady' _"Yes I do…"

"Do what?" Jane stretched and looked at Maura with a matching smile, she was home. "Oh…" Jane bit her lip as she saw what Maura was reading…

**Don't hate me…it seemed natural to pause there…I sincerely hope you are all still enjoying this story and I would love some feedback and how you want this story to end. I know what my plans are but you never know, "the best laid plans …"**

**Reviews are very welcomed!**

**Oh and shameless plug: I have an original work available on Amazon, for kindle and paperback called Beauty of Fear by LE Perez. Check out the sample if you are so inclined, it may be to your liking...**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: This one is a bit short, but it sets up the upcoming chapters. And I have to say to all of you who have reviewed, wow, just wow, your words touch me truly. I appreciate them and consider them when I write, so thank you. Hope you enjoy….**

"How long have you been up?" Jane sat up quickly, embarrassed.

"Not long…did you mean it?" she whispered. She felt the prickle of tears that were threatening to escape.

"Did I mean what? The letter? Yeah, Maur I did."

"_Your faith in me is my faith in you."_ She shook her head, "Jane…"

"It's true Maura." Jane never felt surer of her words than she had when she wrote that.

Head shaking side-to-side Maura let the tears finally escape as Jane wrapped her up in her arms.

"Aw damn…shh….hush, please don't cry Maur." Jane whispered into her hair as she held her tightly. "Please hon…"

"I'm sorry Jane, its just…it was beautiful."

"I just wrote what I was feeling Maur…I needed to…"

"I know…thank you…and you did protect me Jane, you saved me." She looked up into Jane's dark eyes and saw doubt staring back. Reaching up she kissed her. Tenderly at first until she felt Jane's response.

The kiss shocked her as did her involuntary response. She felt Maura wince as she squeezed to tightly.

"Shit! I'm sorry Maura."

Breathless, Maura smiled. "Don't be sorry please. Don't ever be sorry for loving me, I'm not."

"I love you Maura Isles." She held her gently, just enjoying the feel of Maura's body against hers. The sound of her stomach rumbling made them both laugh. "I guess I'm hungry?"

Jane's raised eyebrow brought a smile to Maura's face. This was her Jane, confidant, cocky, sarcastic, and all hers.

"Then lets feed you detective." Maura walked slowly as she led Jane to the kitchen. With a hand on the refrigerator door she was surprised when Jane stopped her.

"Uh, uh, Maura." She gently pushed her into a seat. "My turn to take care of you."

**xxxxxxxxx**

Jane watched as Maura twitched in her sleep. The frown on her face letting her know it wasn't a pleasant dream but not a full blown nightmare. Running her hand along one shoulder she felt Maura relax at her touch, smiling as she moved closer to her.

Maura's breath warmed her breast as her breathing evened out again. Jane reveled in the feel of having Maura so close. She truly did make her feel whole. She thought about their discussion earlier and realized she really did like the idea. They had decided to get married once Maura got the all clear from her doctor. From Maura's estimation that wouldn't be for another two months at least which was more than enough time for them to plan the modest wedding they both wanted. Now all they had to do was tell their mothers and the rest of the family. They had both decided that tomorrow would be the perfect opportunity to do so.

It made her nervous to think that they would finally be taking this step but at the same time nothing ever felt so right. She was tired, sleepy, but she couldn't get enough of her. Feeling the warmth of Maura's breath, she said a silent prayer of thanks. Things could have ended so differently.

Somehow, through everything they had been given a second chance. A chance to start a life together. Jane was determined to make sure she never let Maura down.

**Xxxxxxx**

"Well Doc?" Dr Reynolds smiled at Jane's tone as she finished examining Maura. It was her last appointment of the week.

"You're healing very nicely, Maura. How is the physical therapy going?"

"Very good actually. I was having some difficulty, but we worked through it." The damage to her shoulder had been hindering her ability to hold things steady so she had been working to strengthen the muscled that had been affected. She still couldn't pick up anything heavy, and she definitely felt it when she twisted suddenly, but she was feeling better.

"So does that mean you are ready to go back to work?" Dr Reynolds looked at both women as they held hands.

"We both are." Jane had been cleared by her doctor just before Maura had been released, but all that had done was given her the go ahead to get her physical and psychological tests out of the way and to re-qualify, which she had done just a week ago. Cavanaugh had commended her for her work with Jensen but had insisted that neither woman was to come back until they were given the green light.

Maura squeezed her hand and smiled. Jane had been adamant during Maura's first week home that she rest as much as possible and had taken care of everything. As soon as Maura had her first checkup, both women had thrown themselves into doing what they needed to do to get back to work and planning their wedding. Constance had even decided to stay on through the wedding to help wherever she could.

Dr Reynolds looked down at Maura's chart and jotted down another note.

"Maura your progress has been remarkable. You've obviously been taken care of."

Maura smiled as she glanced at Jane, "I have"

"Well, I don't see any reason you shouldn't go back then." Raising a hand she stopped them both. "No heavy lifting yet. You're ahead of schedule in your recovery and if memory serves, you two have a wedding coming up soon."

"We do."

"Then lets not do anything to jeopardize a honeymoon then, rest this weekend, deal?"

Maura laughed as Jane blushed furiously, "We most definitely have a deal."

Maura led Jane out of the office. By the time they reached her car, Jane had recovered sufficiently from her embarrassment.

"Do you know how endearing it is that you still blush when someone makes a reference to our love life?" She cupped Jane's face and gave her a kiss. She smiled when Jane captured her hand against her face.

"We're getting married Maur…" she whispered, almost afraid to say it out loud.

"Yes Jane, we are. You are going back to work and so am I, our mothers are somehow getting along and not making us too crazy with the wedding and I'm with the person I was always meant to be."

"I'm scared." Jane admitted. She still wrote daily in her journal. Her nightmares had diminished in frequency but not in severity. When they occurred it affected them both. "What if…" she never got to finish, Maura's kiss silenced her.

"No more what ifs Jane. We matter, I believe that firmly. We will take on everything together."

"Thank you Maur…I know I seem to be all over the place sometimes…"

"I will always reign you back in. I will always be your anchor Jane, just as you are mine."

Bringing Maura's hand up, Jane kissed it tenderly.

"You go back to work on Monday."

"So do you."

"So…this weekend, can we…"

"Most definitely detective, I might hurt you if you didn't." Jane's lecherous grin is all Maura needs.

**xxxxxxxxx**

Sunday morning came quickly and Maura lay on the bed listening to a still sleeping Jane. Running her hands over her abdomen she traced the scar there. The last real reminder of how close she came to leaving Jane. As if sensing her thoughts, Jane shifted in her sleep and threw an arm over her and her scar. Smiling Maura turned into her. They had spent last night enjoying each other again. Jane's initial hesitancy had been endearing but when Maura started to touch her, Jane's control had been lost. It had been too long. They had relished each other's touch and love well into the wee hours until they were both spent. Maura smiled at the memory. She had asked Jane to recite one of her poems to her and she had, before she took her again and again. Her body was sore, but she had never felt so content in her life. Today they were hoping to spend alone but she knew they would have to set aside a little bit of time to discuss their upcoming nuptials. In less than three weeks she would be Maura Isles-Rizzoli. Jane frowned and shifted in her sleep, tightening her hold on her. Kissing her lightly she let herself be pulled back to sleep by her. In her heart, she was already Jane's wife.

**So…thoughts? I'd love to know what you all are thinking. Mind you, I do have a plan but sometimes I do love to incorporate what others want to see. And btw, I think old fashioned letter writing is one of the most romantic things you can do for your partner, for any loved one. I may have to put all these letters and poems together one day and write a story just around them….hmmmm….**

**Shameless plug! If you don't already know, I published a book! Woohoo! Take a gander over on Amazon…its in kindle form and paperback right now. download a sample and see if you like it…It's called Beauty of Fear by L.E. Perez (me) Next up…Pick a target and Silence is a Virtue**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: I know, I know…I've been lax…life kind of slapped me around bit this past month but things seem to be getting back on track. Hope you are all still with me…So for you, Happy Valentine's Day...**

"No Maura…"

"Jane you can't disappoint them."

"Maur I don't think a bachelor party is a good idea, especially not with these guys."

Maura watched as Jane went to refrigerator and took out a beer. She didn't over indulge any more but she still enjoyed them on occasion. They had just finished dinner and shooing Angela back out to the guesthouse.

"Please Jane, for me…"

"Why Maura? I don't want them to get some stripper or to set up some other stupid thing."

"Don't you trust yourself?" she said teasingly.

"Of course I trust myself, I just don't trust them!"

Maura pulled her down onto the couch with her, stroking her shoulder. "You do realize don't you that part of this is to celebrate the fact that you are still a part of their lives."

"Maur…" They'd had this conversation before. Frankie wanted to shout it from the rooftops that his sister was going to be okay. Her mother wanted to join him with a bullhorn. Frost and Korsak were just as bad. Frost had been texting her daily asking how she was, even though she saw him all day long. It was irritating. Her temper was one thing she was still working on. She still had bouts where her emotions where hard to rein in but Maura was helping her with that, just as she had helped her with everything.

"Jane I want you to let go a little, enjoy yourself, go out with the guys…just make sure you come back to me." She smiled slyly and ran a hand along Jane's cheek, feeling her shiver at the touch.

Jane growled at her, "You don't play fair Maur." Their marriage was only three days away. Tomorrow was their last day at work for the next two weeks. Even with all the time they had been out for sick leave, Cavanaugh had insisted that they take two weeks for their honeymoon.

"No I don't, you would do well to remember that." Getting to her feet she winced at the pull through her midsection.

"Hey...you okay?" Jane quickly got up and held onto her. She wasn't one hundred percent yet.

"I'm fine, really. I just stood up wrong." She grasped her by the forearms. "Honest Jane."

She smiled at the worry on Jane's face and teased her lips with a kiss. Jane had been wonderful to her and the best part was that for once she hadn't neglected her own health. She had continued to write in her journal and hadn't missed an appointment. Except for the occasional mood swings and slips in her speech Jane had made a miraculous recovery, as had she, despite the occasional twinge here and there. She groaned when Jane grabbed her hips and pulled her against her.

"Maura…" Jane's husky voice was full of want.

"Do you want something Detective?" Maura's teasing voice tickled her ear.

She growled, "You know I do." She had been on edge all day ever since Maura had mercilessly teased her at work. Maura had made a concerted effort to touch Jane in places she shouldn't have and not follow through, and then to bring up the bachelor party…Jane was ready to have some revenge.

Jane bit at the base of her neck and nipped along her collarbone, enjoying the sound of Maura's moan.

"I'll make a deal with you. I'll agree to the bachelor party…" she kissed her earlobe and blew gently against Maura's ear, "but you let me have you tonight."

Maura had made Jane promise that they would not have sex this last week before the wedding and she had worked hard at making Jane crazy ever since. Maura shuddered in her arms, it was getting harder and harder to resist her. She knew it was foolish but she wanted a little bit of tradition mixed into their relationship, even if it was just before the wedding, but now…

"Jane…" Maura's pleading tone made Jane smile wolfishly as she continued to tease her with her lips and tongue.

"Just tonight Maur…nothing else till our honeymoon…Come on…" Jane growled against her body feeling the heat build inside her as Maura continued to respond to her touch.

Maura felt her resolve crumbling as Jane worked her way down to her waist and look up expectantly.

"Oh the hell with tradition!" Pulling Jane up to her she smashed her lips against Jane's hungrily. The minor twinges in her midsection, were eased by the heat below her waist.

"Tonight…yes…Yes!"

**xxxxxxxxxx**

Running a hand through Maura's hair, Jane sighed. She was content. She never thought that would be possible for her, but she was. She stilled her hand as Maura shifted in her sleep and smiled. Maura had been just as hungry as she had been and if tonight was any indication, their honeymoon was going to be absolutely mind blowing. There had been a sense of desperation in their lovemaking and Jane understood. They were both thankful for the way things had turned out. And yes. She would call Frost and give him the go ahead for the bachelor party, though she had a feeling they would have gone ahead with it anyway.

Jane stroked Maura's hair and breathed her in. She would never feel worthy of her. Never. But she was ready to spend the rest of her life working toward it. Maura had made her feel like she had a life worth living, even if she wasn't the same Jane Rizzoli everyone knew. But Maura knew her, just as she knew Maura. They still had their flare-ups and she was always scared she would go to far but Maura had a way of reigning her emotions back in. She calmed her, grounded her. She tried to stifle a laugh as she realized that she was now one of those doe eyed lovey dovey characters from her mother's romance novels. All Maura had to do was look at her and she melted. Her heart wasn't her own anymore. It belonged to Maura. Wrapping her arms around the woman who was soon to be her wife, she wondered if she should be worried about the bachelor party they were planning for her.

With a profound sigh she let herself relax as Maura snuggled into her. Tomorrow…she would worry about it tomorrow.

**Xxxxxxxxxxx**

**"**Okay, okay…my turn…" Frankie raised his glass and waited for the others to settle down. "Janie, not too long ago I thought I would lose my big sister and best friend. You defied the odds again and now here you are getting married, damn! All I can say is this…Certainly took you long enough to make the Doc an honest woman!" Winking at Frost he laughed at the sight of Jane's red face.

"Really Frankie?" Jane chuckled along with the others and took another drink of her beer. She was feeling the effects more than usual since it had been quite some time since she had over indulged, but Maura had said to relax, so…

"Can I say somethin?" Korsak licked his lips as he slurred, his eyes already glassy. "you are the best partner I ever had you know? Best friend too…I'm glad you fin…ly found your lobster."

"Lobster?" More than one person questioned Korsak's little speech and looked at Jane who groaned. "_Did he have to mention the lobster?"_

"Korsak we are not lobsters…" Good lord…Korsak had been watching an episode of Friends and was stuck on the fact that lobsters supposedly mated for life. He had made the mistake of mentioning it to Maura who had immediately corrected him. Apparently, tipsy as he was he wasn't believing it anymore.

"Sure you are Jane…mated for life." Korsak downed another shot and smiled goofily at her.

"I'll drink to that!" Everyone picked up their shot glasses and Tommy handed one to Jane.

"Come on Janie, after this you'll be shackled and whipped." He smiled at her as he took a sip of soda.

Jane eyed the shot of tequila and reached for the salt. Leaning in she smiled at her baby brother and whispered, "You only wish she would shackle and whip you…" Jane downed her shot and laughed out loud as he sputtered into his drink. At this rate she would be lucky if she could walk into the house later.

"I should tell her you said that" he hissed.

Jane could only grin at him. She knew he still liked Maura and even though she knew she shouldn't, as a big sister she just couldn't help rubbing his nose in it. Besides, she was feeling too good right now.

"Be quiet and get me another beer little brother."

"You sure?" Jane nodded and looked around at the silly decorations hanging from the ceiling at the Robber and at the folks gathered to help her celebrate. Maura was right, she needed this. She felt lighter than she had in a long time. Maura was at home with the mothers finalizing some of the wedding stuff and had practically pushed her out the door with Frankie.

Running a finger along the rim of her shot glass she brought it up to her mouth and closed her eyes, picturing Maura from the previous night.

"You okay Jane?" Frost took a seat next to his partner and watched as she shook her head.

"I'm okay Frost, just thinking…"

"Yeah well tonight is about you taking the time to just chill out and relax. No heavy thinking, doctor's orders."

She felt herself stiffen, "what do you mean doctor's orders?"

"Shit Jane that's not what I meant."

"Was this Maura's idea? Is that it? Am I that pitiful!" She felt herself losing control and tried to stop herself.

"Jane!" Frankie rushed over and grabbed her by the shoulders, "Stop it! We did this for you, for this…we're just…" He pushed her back and paced as he ran a hand through his hair.

"This was for all of us Jane. You idiot, we love you and we almost lost you…twice dammit! We all need to relax and accept what is."

"And what's that little brother?" her voice was a raspy whisper as she tried to calm herself.

"That we've all been given a second chance Jane. I for one am never going to take you for granted again. I don't think anyone is. We're celebrating the fact that you're okay, Maura's okay and you're marrying the woman who completes you."

Jane listened to the rumbling agreement from everyone and locked eyes with her brother. "_When the hell had he grown up?"_

"I'm being an ass aren't I?"

He kissed her on the forehead, "Yeah you are. Just enjoy the evening sis, you can kick my ass tomorrow." Waving a hand he called for another round of shots. "And now, let's get back to some partying people!"

**xxxxxxxxxx**

"Shhhh… wake her up." Jane stumbled as she walked in the door and giggled when Tommy caught her before she fell. "Thanks bro."

Shaking his head he smiled lovingly at his sister. After her little blow up and Frankie's speech everything had fallen into place and she had gotten more than a little drunk and friendlier than anyone had seen her in some time. He missed that.

He helped her to the couch and pulled off her shoes. "You gonna stay on the couch?"

"I prob'ly should, huh?" Looking up at her brother she patted him on the cheek. "Love you Tommy…"

"Love you too Janie, now lay down okay. Need anything?"

"Uh huh," she said dreamily, "Maura…"

"Yeah well I kind of can't help you there, sis."

"I can Tommy"

"Shit!" Tommy jumped at the soft voice behind him. "Maura? Crap, I'm sorry if we woke you."

"You didn't." She looked down at Jane who was already snoring lightly. "Will you help me get her into the bedroom?"

"Uh, yeah, sure Doc." He bent down and picked up his sister, following Maura down the hallway. Laying her on the bed he apologized. "I'm really sorry she's like this, you know, we were having fun and she was relaxing, and…"

"Tommy, it's fine…this is exactly what he needed. She just didn't know it."

"Okay, goodnight then." It was already two o'clock in the morning, so there wasn't much left of the night.

Maura looked walked over to Jane and brushed the hair away from her eyes. Jane's face was more relaxed than she had seen it in a long time. This was Jane's first real foray back to her old life even if they'd had to make sure that it was okay for Jane to drink more than a beer or two. Reaching down she unbuttoned her pants and pulled them off her, tossing them in the hamper. Realizing it would be to hard to remove her shirt, she left her that way and lay down next to her.

She watched as her chest rose and fell and didn't realize she was crying until she felt the tears roll down her cheeks. Reaching out tentatively she touched the scar that was visible on Jane's mid-section. She had almost lost her then but had never told her how she felt. Maura ran her hand along the scar on the back of Jane's hand and shudder before she moved to the area behind her ear. That scar was a testament to their love. As ugly and frightening as everything had been, Jane's brush with death had brought them together and she had discovered the Jane who hid behind her bravado. The Jane who wrote poetry and letters and told her how much she was loved. The Jane who taught Maura that love was real.

Leaning over her Maura whispered in her ear, "I love you Jane Rizzoli. With all my heart and all my soul. I am tied to you and bound to you, may you never let me go…"

**Only one or two chapters left…I really hate to see this one end, but all good things…Comments?**

**BTW-Shameless plug…my book Beauty of Fear is available for free kindle download today and tomorrow if you're interested…Not a bad read**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Getting to the end here folks…one more chapter left. Hope you all are still with me...**

"I cannot believe I am at the grocery store on my wedding day in my suit…Jesus!" Jane fussed with her tie and waited for her change.

"Come on partner, its not a big deal." Frost tried not to laugh at the glare Jane gave him.

"Not a big…Barry you tell me why she didn't think to have extra nylons on hand. And why couldn't you or Frankie just get them?"

"We will do a lot for you ladies but neither of us is going to buy any pantyhose, sorry. I'm only here to make sure you don't get distracted and show up late to your wedding."

They both looked out of place in the store in matching suits. But Maura was stressing so much about the nylons that had gotten caught on Angela's bracelet that Jane had agreed to go get her another pair. Plus, it got her out of the house and away from the mothers and their anxiety.

"The three of them are going to make me crazy." She muttered

"Ha! You think anything is going to change once you get married?"

"No, it'll probably get worse with the both of them pestering us about grandkids." She looked at her partner and smiled, "It's worth it though, for Maura."

"I hear you partner, I do. So, where to?" They had gone to the closest place they could find, a Walgreens.

"Down here," Jane led the way toward the back of the store by the pharmacy area. It was early so there weren't many people in the store and as Jane got to the end of the aisle both stopped when they heard someone yelling nearby.

"I know you just got a shipment in! I want all of it!" the young man's voice was high pitched and scared.

"Sir we don't have any oxycodone, we've been waiting for the past…"

"Bullshit! I know you just got some."

Jane and Frost both flinched at the sound of a display rack hitting the floor. Turning to Frost, Jane shook her head. "Are you friggin kidding me?" she whispered.

Neither of them had their service weapons on them, which made sense considering that they were both off duty and one of them was getting married. Scooting closer Jane looked around the corner and spotted the mirror above the pharmacy desk. She could see the disheveled young man waving a gun at the girl at the counter. He was sweating profusely and bouncing on the balls of his feet. Pulling back she whispered in Frost's ear. With a nod he headed back the way they had come. Waiting she grimaced when she heard the sound of flesh striking flesh. She heard the girl whimper and looked at the mirror again, watching as she saw him start to walk around the counter at her. "Crap." Taking a deep breath she went around the corner.

"Hey do you guys have any? Whoa!" she put both hands up as he waved the gun in her face.

"Who the fuck are you?" he yelled.

"Me? I'm just trying to find some nylons for my fiancée." She started to back away, satisfied when he came after her. "Look, I don't want any trouble."

"No, stop! Where are you going?" He put both hands on the gun and pointed it at her.

"N…nowhere man. Sorry…" the tremor in her voice wasn't completely feigned. The last thing she wanted was to get shot on her wedding day.

"Come over here. Sit!" Jane complied and took a seat in front of the counter, keeping an eye on him and where he was looking. She had sent Frost to call 911 and to try to come up another aisle behind this kid. She could tell how anxious he was and she said a silent prayer that this would end quietly, peacefully. Looking down at her clothes she realized Maura would be wondering where she was. "Jesus Christ." She whispered to herself. This would be happening today of all days. "I'm so sorry Maura…"

"Hey…Hey!" his shrill voice filtered through to her as he poked at her.

"Ow…"Jane rubbed at her shoulder where he had struck her. "What the …"

The young man pushed the gun under her chin, forcing her to stand up. "I know you…" he said slowly, "you look familiar."

She stiffened and kept her voice low as she smiled at him, "I get that a lot. Look I just came in here for nylons like I said. I don't want any trouble, okay?" Jane glanced at the mirror and watched as Frost made his way up the aisle to the side of their perp.

"No…that's not right." Muttering to himself he paced in front of her, raising and lowering the gun before turning suddenly to the counter, "get me my stuff now!" he screamed.

Jane knew Frost had to make a move soon, this guy's mood was too erratic and the way his finger kept flexing on the trigger he was just as likely to shoot himself as one of them. Frost must have had the same idea because she watched as he pulled a cane off the rack in the aisle he was in and start up behind him. It would have worked, it should have worked. The young man's attention was on Jane and the girl behind the counter who was now frantically bagging what pills she could find. Unfortunately the sound of the police sirens made him turn around to face a startled Barry Frost. When asked later the girl behind the counter wouldn't be able to say for sure which came first, the gunshot or the screaming, some of it her own.

Jane had been back to work and working cases for a month now and she had been working like a dog to get back physically to where she had been before she got shot. Her dedication to that saved Frost's life. Jane didn't see him pull the trigger. She felt it. She knew even as he turned toward Frost that his finger had tightened and she dove at him. It was stupid and reckless but she was not about to watch her partner die on her wedding day.

Frost watched in slow motion as Jane launched herself at the shooter, ramming into him from the side. He felt the heat of the bullet as it whizzed past his head. "Jane!" They went down in a tangle of arms and legs as the shooter screamed.

He reached her as she elbowed the kid in the face knocking him unconscious. Falling off him she hissed in pain. "Sonofabitch…" gritting her teeth she grabbed her arm and held it close to her chest. She felt her shoulder pop when she rammed into him and had hit him with that elbow anyway. Now she was paying for it.

He leaned in to check on her as two officers ran in guns drawn.

"Whoa." Frost said. Pulling out his ID he flashed his badge. "Detectives Frost and Rizzoli." He glanced at Jane. "We need an ambulance."

"No Barry, no ambulance." Jane pushed herself to her feet and looked down at her suit. Her jacket buttons were all but gone and there a small tear in her pants, but besides that and her arm, she was in one piece.

"Jane your arm…"

"Is…shit…" she grimaced, "dislocated…" holding the arm close she watched as the officers pulled their shooter to his feet and take him out in cuffs. "We have a wedding to get to Barry. Just get the damn pantyhose that brought us here, please."

He just shook his head, "fine, I'll let the unis know that we'll give them a statement a little later. Should I call Maura?"

"No, lets just get out of here. I'll meet you in the car okay?" She walked away from him and took a deep breath. She wouldn't be able to hide this from Maura but if she went to the hospital she would be there for hours and dammit she and Maura had waited long enough. She would put up with any amount of pain to make Maura happy.

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Maura glanced nervously at the clock. Jane had been gone for almost two hours. The ceremony was set to start any minute and still nothing.

Constance knocked on the door and poked her head in. "Jane's here dear." Stepping in she handed Maura the nylons she had been waiting for.

"Is she all right? They were gone so long."

"Well…"

Maura stopped, "What's wrong?" She could tell from the look on her mother's face that something had happened. "Is she hurt?"

"I'll let her explain." Constance opened the door to let Jane in. Maura immediately saw the way she was holding her arm and rushed over to her, not even noticing when her mother stepped out.

"What happened?" Immediately falling into doctor mode she started to assess the injury.

"It's a long story Maur. Let's just say that I won't be going into that pharmacy anytime soon." Jane took her in and couldn't stop the whistle that escaped.

"What was that for?"

"You look…damn Maura." Her dress was beautiful, with an open neckline and tiny pearls outlining the bodice. It fit her body like a glove.

"You weren't supposed to see it yet. Jane, your shoulder is dislocated you should…"

"Pop it back."

"Jane I really…"

"Please Maura, we're supposed to be getting married in less than thirty minutes. It already hurts like hell and you are the best medicine for me anyway."

Maura sighed understanding exactly what Jane was asking her to do and why she wanted to avoid the hospital. "I'm going to need help."

Jane sat down. "Call Barry, that way I don't have to explain again."

"It's going to hurt Jane." The last thing she ever wanted to do was cause her pain.

"Will hurt more if we don't get married as planned. Besides, you can take care of me later." She said lasciviously.

Maura ran a hand down Jane's face before she kissed her, "Detective, what am I going to do with you?"

Jane grabbed her hand and pulled her down to her, "Marry me of course." She leaned back and smiled as Maura texted Frost.

In less than an hour they would be exchanging their vows but right now all she could think about was how lucky she and Frost had just been and how much putting her shoulder back was going to hurt.

"Geez."

**Of course I am ending with the wedding and the vows that they have written to each other. Hope I didn't scare anyone with this chapter :) But someone suggested that this couldn't end quietly so I ran with it…blame them and let me know what you think...**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Okay, some of you have said that Maura would never us pantyhose from a regular store, I beg to differ, on a day like your wedding day, which you are having at your home and after being beyond stressed about it, you would. Especially if the two you had got ruined. That said, lots can happen on a wedding day…its a crazy time so lets get back to it shall we? Enjoy**

Maura had insisted that they delay the wedding for at least _another_ hour so that Jane could rest. Which she had tried to do. She had even accepted Maura's offer of over the counter painkillers and they had thankfully taken a bit of the edge off the pain.

Looking at herself in the mirror Jane could see the pain filled shadows under eyes and sighed thinking about the picture she had found the other day. Maura had hidden a picture that had been taken while Jane was in a coma by her mother. She knew why it was taken, but seeing herself in that state had been unsettling. Reaching into a drawer she applied a bit of Maura's makeup to cover the dark circles. Her hand shook as she applied it and she laughed at herself, she realized she was nervous.

"What the hell are you scared of Rizzoli? You're only taking the biggest step of your life."

Grabbing her jacket she put it on carefully, thankful that she could at least move her arm again. A sudden knock on the door made her jump.

"Dammit!"

"Sorry, you ready sis?" Frankie poked his head in and whistled, "Nice suit." His cheeky grin made her smile and she extended a hand to pat him on the cheek and then slapped him lightly.

"Ass."

"Yes I am, so, you ready to make Maura an honest woman?"

"Its really happening isn't it?" Her voice broke and she worked hard at clearing her throat as Frankie looked down at his feet.

Smiling he reached out and took her hand. "Yeah sis, it is. You know I have to admit I never thought I'd see you commit to anyone this way. I'm glad you found each other Janie. She's a lucky woman."

"Nah Frankie," she walked past him, "I'm the lucky one."

**xxxxxxxxx**

Maura brushed away another imaginary spot on her bodice and took a deep breath as she heard the music begin. It had been Jane's idea to have the wedding at their home. The courtyard had been transformed into a fairytale and Maura had been forced to admit that their mothers had done a wonderful job.

"Maura?"

"I'm ready mother." Maura smiled brightly at her, "and thank you. You and Angela have done such a beautiful job."

"You both wanted a small wedding and as much as it initially pained me dear, I am in complete agreement. This family has been good to you, more so than I."

Maura took her mother's hands in her hers. "That's not true mother. They've just been different."

Constance squeezed her daughter's hands tightly. "Jane Rizzoli has been a wonderful influence on you Maura and on me. She made me realize some time ago what I was throwing away with you and when you were hurt…" Constance tried to maintain her composure. "When you were hurt I knew you would be all right because you had Jane. It's a ridiculous and irrational sentiment, but I knew. I am so happy for you both."

Maura dabbed at her eyes trying not to cry. Looking at her mother she realized how much she had changed over the past year.

"I love you mother."

"I love you too Maura."

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Jane couldn't stop fidgeting with her jacket as she waited for Maura to walk down the aisle.

"Jane…I get that you're nervous, but your mother is going to come up here and grab your hands if you don't stop." Frost gestured toward Angela who was glaring at Jane.

Jane watched as she mouthed at her "Stop it!" She could almost hear her yell even without words. Jane opened her mouth to say something when the music started.

It was a lilting piece that Maura had gotten in France years ago. When she had first played it for Jane, she had been ready to offer argument as to its use but the look on Jane's face when she listened to it echoed her own. It was an unknown piece of music that lasted only about eight minutes but was enough to change a mood and you felt in it, what you wanted to feel. It turned out that they both felt the same thing when they heard it, united, invincible, and in love.

Turning. Jane gasped at the sight of Maura walking down the aisle on Korsak's arm. The light shining behind her framed Maura in a glow that could only have been Constance' doing. Maura's smile took her breath away and Frost had to nudge her to take Maura's hand.

"Hey." Jane said breathlessly.

"Hey yourself." Maura felt a flutter in her stomach as the woman she loved was struck speechless.

"Ahem…" The pastor performing the ceremony cleared her throat as she looked at the two women. They had opted for a semi-traditional ceremony in order to appease both sides.

"Please sit." She waited for everyone to take a seat before continuing. "We are gathered here in the sight of God to join these two women in matrimony. While the traditions of the church at large are not inclusive of all, these women have decided for a blended ceremony addressing their mutual faith in a higher power and the love they have for each other." Reaching to the side, Pastor Evans picked up the missive that the mothers of the bride had worked with her to put together.

"I will be reading just a few things before we move on to our brides' vows, which they have written themselves. Please bow your heads." Pastor Evans began to read through the simple selections that had been chosen that conveyed a simple message of faith. Both Jane and Maura had decided that was to be the theme of their wedding. They knew that without it, neither would be here.

"Amen" she finished.

"Amen," The echoed response made Jane smile as she glanced at her mother's pleased face.

Addressing the brides, Pastor Evans continued. "Now, before this gathering, I invite you to state your vows to each other."

By now, their closest friends knew about Jane's letter and how it had brought them together in a way that neither had been expecting. Jane had tried a number of times to peek at what Maura had written for her vows but she had hidden her journal from her. Jane meanwhile had written her vows during Maura's convalescence. It had been a rough night for Maura and Jane had spent part of the night chasing away her nightmares. That had prompted her to write her marriage vows using the emotions Jane had used to soothe her in her sleep. She was nervous about reading it aloud in front of everyone but she didn't care it was for Maura

Jane locked eyes with her love and nodded. Maura had asked if she could go first and she'd agreed.

Maura looked over at her mother. Constance stood up and passed Maura the vows she had been holding onto.

Holding her breath and with trembling, she unfolded the paper. Leaning in close, Jane squeezed her hands and whispered to her, "breathe baby, just breathe."

Nodding, she took a deep breath and focused on Jane's eyes before looking at the letter she had written her.

_"Dear Jane,_

_I have never been a believer in anything but science and cold hard facts. At times I still believe that to be true, that is until I see you. One look, one smile, one word and I become a believer. The impossible, becomes possible and a world exists where you love me. You have awoken in me a faith I didn't believe I had. In myself, family, and you. You Jane…_

_The day my father was shot, the betrayal I felt tore out my heart, my soul. Not because of what happened but because of what I believed of you. You were torn from me Jane and I was incomplete, angry, a shell. When you called me to meet you, I had resolved myself to closing my heart to you. Today, I beg your forgiveness. Faith is not a word I truly appreciated until that day. I should have had faith in you Jane. I do have faith in you._

_When you were…" _Maura's voice broke as she recalled the sound of the gunshots aimed at Jane_. _

_"When you were shot, I couldn't remember what I was angry about. It meant nothing and I'm ashamed that I ever let myself behave the way I did. How is it that I let an almost tragedy be what made me realize the depth of love I felt for you?_

_I almost lost you Jane after the warehouse, but the day you were shot, I found you again. Your letter to me opened up my eyes and heart to the love that was in front of me all along. I trust you with all that I am. _

_I love you Jane with all my heart and soul. Faith and love brought you back to me and I promise that I will show you the love I hold in my heart for you, for the rest of my days." _Maura's quiet voice resounded in the silence of the courtyard.

Pastor Evans cleared her throat and addressed Jane. "Jane?"

Jane blinked back the tears that had gathered in her eyes and pulled out her letter. Maura's letter had struck her in the chest and the pressure she felt there, her love for this woman was overwhelming. Taking a deep shuddering breath she began.

"_Dear Maura,_

_When wrote my first letter to you it was a goodbye of sorts because of my betrayal. I knew I had betrayed our friendship and that there was no way I could expect you to forgive me. Somehow, you did. And for that I will be forever grateful. I will never again be the Jane you knew before the shooting, before the letter, but I am still the Jane who loves you with every fiber of her being. I survived because of you and you alone. _

_Whether you know it or not, you hold my heart in your hand every waking day. Your smile is my light Maura. Your laugh is my beacon. You are what every emotion I have experienced in my life has prepared me for. You make me dizzy, breathless and yet you ground me in the most comforting way._

_I remember sometimes when I thought my next breath would be my last…knowing you were touching me somewhere, my arm, my face, wherever, I felt as if I had to let go I could. But even more, I knew you were my strength, my reason for holding on._

_I pray the last breath I ever take is safely in your arms and I pray even more that it is blessedly far in the future._

_Right now I am happier than I ever believed possible because I am being allowed to marry the woman of my dreams. A dream I didn't have until I met you._

_You told me once that I am your everything. I've never been everything to someone and it scares me, but it thrills me as well because it shows the world the faith you have in me, in us._

_I love you Maura and I pray that I am worthy of the love, trust and faith you place with me today."_

Jane finished reading and reached over and wiped the tear that rolled down Maura's face. The hushed silence was broken only by Angela's soft sobbing.

"Well, wow." Pastor Evans chuckled. "Sorry that was…beautiful..." she chuckled again, "now that you've both expressed your vows to one another I believe we have rings to exchange?" She waited patiently while Frankie handed each woman a ring.

Jane carefully slipped the ring on Maura's finger and repeated the spoken words. "Maura this ring symbolizes the unending circle of life and love that I commit to you till the end of my days."

Maura held her breath at Jane's words and then repeated them herself. "Jane, this ring symbolizes the unending circle of life and love that I commit to you till the end of my days."

Jane looked down at her hand in Maura's and squeezed it tightly as they both turned expectantly to Pastor Evans.

"Family, friends, Jane and Maura, by the authority vested in me by the State of Massachusetts I happily pronounce you wife and wife." A loud whoop from Tommy Rizzoli was rewarded with a broad smile, "Jane, Maura, you may kiss your bride."

Jane growled as she grabbed Maura to her.

"Jane."

Jane captured her lips and silenced her, ignoring the applause and loud hoots from her brothers and their friends.

"I love you Maura Isles-Rizzoli."

"I love you Jane Rizzoli-Isles"

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Jane spun Maura around on the dance floor and laughed at Maura's shocked look.

"You didn't know I could do that, did you?"

Maura leaned into her and laughed into her chest.

"No, I didn't. You've been practicing haven't you?"

"Blame Frost…I didn't want to embarrass you." Jane said sheepishly.

"Jane Rizzoli!"

"Isles…" she smiled.

"Fine, Jane Rizzoli Isles, you never embarrass me."

"I know hon, I'm just teasing. Trying to get used to married, you know?" Jane held her close as the music slowed down.

"Hmmm" Maura nuzzled against her and smiled as she heard in her mind the word that Jane missed. It happened less and less now, but a brain injury was still a brain injury. Maura never pointed it out anymore though, neither did anyone else.

"Hmm, what?" Jane said.

"Nothing, I like that word, married."

"So do I Maura," she whispered as she kissed her on the dance floor, "so do I."

**So, I said it would end with the wedding but quite a few of you have been asking for a honeymoon. I leave it to you, if the interest is there I will post an epilogue…a honeymoon epilogue of course. Besides that I truly hope that you have enjoyed this story and the meaning behind it. Letter writing is a lost art and one that means more than just the words themselves. I may one day just do a series of letters to and from each of our ladies (hmmm.) Please let me know what you thought of this chapter and whether you want an epilogue.**

**BTW-Shameless plug… My book Beauty of Fear is available on Amazon (L. ) Have a look see :)**


	31. Chapter 31 Epliogue

**A/N: I'm sorry this took so long but I got a bit distracted by work, life and some of my other stories. Anyway, I promised an epilogue so here it is. THis story was meant to be short and ended up being 30 chapters and over 50K words…wow…For those of you I made cry, thank you…you let me know that I could write angst and make it work. Now this peeks into M rating without going overboard, after all, that was never what this story was about. Thank you…your humble bard.**

Water dripped from her forehead as she lowered herself over Maura. A tentative hand traced the scar on Maura's abdomen and the shudder beneath her fingers brought a smile to her face. Leaning down she let her lips kiss a trail along the scar going back the opposite way with her tongue. Muscles contracted as Maura tried to keep herself still but Jane smoothly moved to one breast repeating the act. Maura sucked in her breath when Jane captured the firm nipple with her mouth and started to nip. Pushing herself up on strong arms Jane moved from one breast to the other.

Maura's hands wrapped themselves around Jane's biceps and squeezed as she arched her body towards her.

"Jane" she cried out hoarsely, only to be silenced by Jane's lips on hers

"Shh...no talking right now" Jane ran her tongue lightly along Maura's collarbone and back. With an evil grin Jane eyed her pulse point and dove in.

They were lying naked on the private beach they were staying at, a wedding gift from Constance. It was the third day of their honeymoon and Jane was finally comfortable being naked on the secluded beach with Maura. A point she was taking full advantage of. Her shoulder throbbed a bit with the exertion but it was worth it. Maura's response to her touch sent a thrill between her legs. Taking that as an invitation, she continued her exploration of Maura's body.

A half hour later they lay there entwined in each other's arms, sated, looking up at the sky.

"Maura?"

"Hmm…" Maura traced circles slowly on Jane's abdomen. Jane heard the smile in her voice when she grabbed Maura's hand. "Want me to stop?"

"Yes… I mean no! Dammit woman you make me crazy." Jane laughter was spontaneous and contagious. It was moments like these that both women had learned to appreciate after all they had been through.

"You wanted to ask me something?" Maura went up on one elbow and looked into her eyes. Jane had a faraway look in her eyes that she had never seen before.

"Do you think that we'd be together if I hadn't been shot?" Jane didn't look at her when she spoke and there was just the slightest thread of doubt in her voice.

"Yes I do. I was miserable without you Jane, when you called me I was angry and happy at the same time. We would have found our way back to each other. I have no doubt about that."

Jane smiled as she listened to Maura talk. She sounded so sure. "It would have taken awhile though."

"Not as long as you'd think." She captured Jane's lips with her own thoroughly enjoying the shudder that went through Jane's body at her touch. "See…we eventually would have acted on our feelings. I could never stay mad at you Jane."

"I deserved your anger." Her voice was solemn as she remembered Maura's reaction when Paddy was shot.

"No Jane, you deserved my trust." Throwing a leg over her Maura straddled her and smiled. "No more regrets. We're married now and one day hopefully we'll have a family, right now though all I want is to show you exactly how beautiful you are to me Jane.

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Dear Maura,_

_It has been exactly three days since you told me that I deserved your trust. Seventy-two hours since you mentioned having a family. Four thousand three hundred and twenty minutes since you showed me how beautiful I am to you, how worthy I am to love you. Every moment with you is a gift, one I don't know if I will ever believe I deserve, but one that I cherish. The day I realized my heart belonged to you I was thrilled and scared. Well more scared than anything. _

_You were Dr. Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner and I was just a cop. Somehow, we found in each other our other halves. I've been much into philosophy but one theory that always stuck with me was the idea that every individual was just half of a whole being, split apart at creation and forever seeking out their other half, their soul mate. Maura Isles-Rizzoli you are my soul mate. I didn't realize until I met you what I had been missing, you. You were the missing part of me and I will forever be grateful that your love has made me whole. _

_You know that I write to express myself especially since my mouth sometimes gets in the way of what I mean but I can't stop thinking about what you said. I'm watching you sleep and the idea of my child, our child growing inside of you thrills and excites me more than I ever would have thought possible. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and I have a million questions to ask you but I'm scared that I will scare you away from that idea. You are my dream Maura and this past week has been nothing less than perfect. In two days we go back to the reality of our lives, the threats, the dangers, the love and the friendship. Somehow, through impossible odds, we've come together. Holding on to each other in the face of death and defying that reality. I have dreams you know, about us, about our future and every once in a while I wake up panicked thinking you won't be there. That I'm still in a coma and all of this is just a dream. If it is, may I never wake. If it's not, may I never sleep. _

Jane put her pen down and flexed her fingers while she looked over at Maura. Maura had made a little noise of protest when she reached for and didn't find her, so she moved closer to her and stifled a giggle when Maura wrapped an arm around her leg. Maura was naked and beautiful, the faintest hint of a scar visible on her shoulder. Looking down at herself Jane traced the scar on her lower right side and shuddered at the ugly puckering there. She had so many scars, inside and out, but Maura made them all seem irrelevant. Picking her pen up, she continued.

_There are so many things I want to say to you but the words just don't come. So hopefully you don't mind receiving letters from me on a regular basis or a poem or two here or there. I am grateful for you Maura. Grateful that you came into my life and never gave up on me even when I would have given up on myself. You were the missing part of me. Know this. I will never ever say goodbye to you, I will never leave you, I will always love you. _

_Thank you for being you Maura, my soul mate, my friend, my wife._

_Yours forever,_

_Jane_

Placing the pen in her journal she scooted down so she could spoon with Maura. It always amazed her how well they fit together. Maura was all soft curves while Jane, was all hard angles, but they fit, like an odd puzzle. Jane listened to the surf break on the shore and closed her eyes. They would be leaving this paradise tomorrow for home. A home that would one day is home to their children, a home where they would grow old together.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Maura watched Jane's swagger as she went to the conveyor belt to wait for their luggage and felt herself melt inside. That was all hers. She watched as admiring glances were tossed Jane's way and smiled smugly when they were patently ignored. As always, Jane was unaware of the presence she had, especially when dressed the way she was. Her black boots made her legs in the black jeans go on forever and the blue shirt she wore hugged her just enough to point out her slight curves. She jumped when her phone buzzed and looking down at the text, she smiled at the woman who sent it.

'Hey hon, what are you smiling at?' Jane's text surprised her. She hadn't noticed Jane looking her way.

'Nothing' she texted back 'just some gawkers ogling my wife.'

Maura looked up from her phone at a beaming Jane. She just shook her head and reached for their luggage, leaving Maura to keep watch on the gawkers.

"So, straight home or restaurant for lunch?" Jane tossed the bags in the trunk and opened up the passenger side for Maura.

"I think straight home, your mother mentioned a surprise luncheon for us with homemade Italian." Jane heard the disappointment in Maura's voice. They were enjoying their time with one another and didn't want to share with anybody.

"D'Onofrio's it is!"

"Oh Jane, that's not fair to her." She waited for Jane to get settled before turning to her.

"It's still our honeymoon Maur. We will do whatever _you_ want, not my mother." Jane was no nonsense. She would not start her marriage with her mother dictating things.

Maura took Jane's hand in hers and brought it to her lips. "We can continue our honeymoon when they leave Jane, let's not be rude."

Jane's exaggerated sigh made Maura giggle, especially when she muttered her reply

"Fine, but I will hold you to that Mrs. Rizzoli." Maura's answering smile at her words made her feel like the happiest woman in the world.

**xxxxxxxxx**

"Jane…Jane…" Jane shivered at Maura's whispered words in her ear. Sleepy eyes opened to look into Maura's.

"I fell asleep?" her raspy voice was even more so from sleep, making Maura smile lovingly at her.

"You did. Everyone else is gone but your mother wanted to say goodbye." Maura watched Jane fight with the recliner to get out of it. The change in time zone, the flight, the luncheon had all taken more out of her than she would have thought.

"Hey Ma…What the …?" Jane looked worriedly at her wife when her mother enveloped her in a bear hug and started to cry. "Ma, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she sniffed. Angela said a little prayer of thanks again at the sight of her daughter. She had been blessed. The mere fact that her daughter was still alive was a thought that was never far from her mind, and when Jane had fallen asleep in the chair, she had found herself watching her daughter breathe. She had to wait to say goodbye to her properly. Patting her on the cheek, she gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Don't you ever change." Another quick kiss and she left them both to wonder what had just happened.

"What the hell was that about?" Jane rubbed her face and turned to Maura in confusion. Maura's answering hug surprised her as well.

"I think that your mother is just very happy and grateful that she still has a daughter she can make crazy." Maura's gentle laughter brought a smile to Jane's face.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep, I guess I was more tired than I thought." She held onto Maura tightly. These moments were precious. After everything she would never take this woman for granted. "Thank you. I should've helped, but…"

"I love to watch you sleep." Maura admitted her little guilty pleasure with a kiss. "You are finally learning to relax a little. I like that. I hope its because I've been a good influence."

"Its because we're together. Knowing we're married and committed to each other, I don't know, I feel different. Is stupid?" Jane pressed her lips together as she realized she missed a word.

The kiss Maura gave her was anything but stupid. It was wonderful and sensual, playful and erotic. "Wow…" Jane was breathing heavily, fully awake now.

"Does that answer your question Detective?"

"Mmmm…" Jane answered Maura's kiss with one of her own, fingers in Maura's hair she held her. Her kiss was aggressive and full of ownership. This woman belonged to her and she belonged to Maura. Jane's exploration didn't stop with her mouth and she started to unbutton Maura's blouse running her hands inside and pulling her closer. She wanted more than just a kiss.

"Oh Jane…" her breath hitched when she felt Jane's hand slip under her bra to grab her breast. She knew where they were headed and she forcibly moved Jane's hand. "Not here…bedroom." She led the way laughing as Jane fought the buttons on her shirt.

"Sonofa…" Ripping it open Jane didn't give a damn where the buttons went. Bare chested she pushed Maura onto the bed and mounted her. "Mine," she growled.

Maura squirmed under Jane's touch, the suckling on her neck and collarbone making her crazy.

"Jane please…"

Maura's moaning was driving Jane into frenzy. She undid Maura's pants and found more to stoke her fire. Maura wasn't only wet, she was hot and writhing under her touch.

"God Maura…" The rest of Jane's words were lost when Maura joined Jane's hand with her own.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Maura rested her head against Jane's shoulder and read the letter she had last written. She smiled as she read it, realizing that this was now the norm for them. Jane would never stop writing and Maura would always have a part of Jane that she could read and re-read.

Jane listened to Maura's contented sigh. After their wonderful evening, they had fallen asleep for a while and when Jane had woken, she had kissed Maura awake, playfully, tenderly. She wanted to give Maura her letter and she had dug through her bag until she found it. Now she sat back quietly with her arm around Maura while she read it.

"Jane that was beautiful." Closing the journal Maura put it aside and rolled into her. "You don't have to keep writing letters to me you know."

"I don't do it because I have to Maur. I do it because I want to, it makes me happy."

"Did you mean it, about having children?"

Jane kissed her on the nose, "Yes. I did. Just the thought makes me ecstatic and weak at the same time."

"Me too." Maura laughed nervously. "I never thought I would ever be considering this. I always thought…"

"You always thought you'd be alone." Jane kept her voice light knowing full well that it had been one of Maura's greatest fears.

"Not once I met you…I knew that eventually…"

"We'd figure it out?" Jane finished. "I wasn't that confident." She rubbed absently at the scar behind her ear. "Funny how things work out."

"Hmmm…funny," Maura snuggled into her and let her eyes close. "I want to carry your baby Jane…'kay?"

Shocked Jane kept her body still as Maura drifted off to sleep. Casting her eyes up Jane said a little prayer. "I don't deserve this or her, but thank you." Wrapping her arm around her wife she let Maura's steady breathing rock her to sleep.

**They have a future, in spite of all that has happened to them. I may decide to continue this storyline. Dunno yet…I hope you all enjoyed the ride and thank you for your comments, follows, and favorites.**

**I'd love to know what you thought…. **


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